Remember all the nasty things I've ever said about Alistair over the years? Please take those comments and multiply them by twenty. Thirty. Two thousand. I'm spitting so many nails about Ali-bastard that I can barely type. John Reilly: I adore you deeply and I think you are a marvelous actor. YOU and YOU ALONE are the ONLY reason I even bother to watch the creep you play. So what did Alistair do this time? For starters, he's playing Pretty like a slide trombone. Seriously, do Fancy or Pretty really care which one of them is Alistair's favorite, other than the fact that the one on his pedestal is likely not to be harmed? Alistair has some kind of mind-controlling device implanted in Fancy and it's making her kind of.... okay, I'll say it: Interesting. Bitchy, take-no-prisoners Fancy is giving Emily Harper some great material to chew on but the thing I have a problem with is the device itself. Come on, be for real. Why does Alistair have to control everything and everyone? He still thinks that Fancy is the last hope for his family. At the rate he's going, she'll be the only one left.

That man seriously needs a new hobby. He's beyond pathetic. To add to his already impressively scummy list of dirty deeds, he has quite the eye-opening conversation with Sheridan about Marty. Sheridan knows that Marty is alive and what is Alistair doing? Riding the barge down the denial river because he doesn't know that she has learned the truth. It gives Sheridan a major one-up and as long as she doesn't come unglued after hearing his very cruel comments, I say let him go on thinking that Sheridan can be snowed. See, I knew this change in attitude of Sher Sher's would come in handy one day. She kept demanding that Alistair tell her where Marty is (or at least where his body is buried) and Alistair kept acting like a haughty jackass who bows to no one. But what really made him sink to the bottom of my list was when he told Sheridan that he was glad that her son was dead.

This guy has, and has never had, any regard for his family, and I know I've said this a hundred and one thousand times but here we go again: Alistair has to care about something otherwise it makes him unrootable. A ruthless monster with a cast iron skillet for a heart is no fun to watch because he has no real reason for acting the way he does. Oh, what's that? Save and protect the Crane dynasty? There's not going to be a Crane dynasty if Ali keeps picking off members of his own family. Oh wait, it gets far worse. Next on his list is Theresa, and I've just about had it with that story too. Someone reduce Alistair to rubble, for God's sake. How about whacky Vincent? How about Theresa? She could finally say, "I've had enough of you," and shoot him full of holes, rendering him dead. I mean DEAD, dead. Hell, the line forms here. But I can't begin to tell you how very old it is to always have Alistair lording over everything and everyone. There's enough evil forces in Harmony - we don't need him too. Why can't he face something that he can't overpower for a change? Now that would be must watch.

Speaking of that whacky Vincent, he has also officially dropped off my countdown, faster than a speeding bullet. At the moment, he has managed to survive falling off a cliff but his morals fell even further. He wants to make his mother Eve suffer, God only knows why, so he is gaslighting her and driving her straight to both bottles. Do I want to see Eve suffer for something that Alistair did? No. Do I want to smack Vincent upside the head and tell the whiny bastard to get the hell over it already? Certainly. Somewhere, Vincent's wires got crossed and now his priorities have too. You'd think: Since Alistair ordered Spike to kill Vincent, that the dummy would actually realize that what Eve has been saying is true. He was kept away from Julian and Eve by Alistair and, connect the dots, dude (or dudette, whoever the hell you are this week). The fact that you're on Alistair's hit list, despite the fact that he's your own grandfather is clue enough. But as usual, Passions has to do things the hard way and make Eve's life hell for no apparent reason.

It's etched in stone somewhere: Theresa, Eve, Fancy or Sheridan must suffer, otherwise we ain't got a show.

There it was, plain as day. Theresa told Ethan that the reason his new-found brat and Little E look like brothers is because they are brothers. She actually said, you are Little Ethan's father. But before we all start the celebration, I have to point out the oh-so-typical plot points that Passions is so famous for. That's right, the Not Really Real Reveal. Theresa mentions why the kids look alike, Theresa says this, Theresa says that. Does it sink in? Hell no, because Gwen has to pipe up at every turn and "explain" what Theresa really means. I watched in frustration as Gwen did this over and over and I finally screamed, loud enough for everyone within the same area code to hear, "Gwen, SHUT THE HELL UP!!!"

I've always said that Ethan is the real dummy around here and he just proves it over and over. He's allowing Gwen to sidetrack him from what Theresa is trying to say, despite the fact that he spent an entire episode asking Theresa how she knew Gwen had a baby when Gwen supposedly kept it a secret. I have to tell you that this round and round nonsense is one thing that drove viewers away and since you've only got about roughly umpteen people watching the show now, my advice would be not not let that nasty habit continue. Watching these Theresa/Ethan/Gwen scenes made me want to tear my hair out and do serious damage to my television in frustration.

The other scene that killed me, no pun intended, was the shooting death of Fox. The only real standout (aside from Erin Cardillo's Esme) was Kim Johnston Ulrich as Ivy. Julian was his usual blank-faced monotone self. You'd think these people would be a little more grief-stricken and I'd dare say that the only ones really upset were Ivy and Esme. So Fox was obviously murdered and of course, Sam has to grill Esme like a tuna melt because she was the last person to see him alive. Isn't it funny how Sam picks and chooses when to be a cop and when to be a father? I say that because Julian believes that Miguel and Kay had something to do with Fox's death. Only after a considerable amount of convincing by Fancy did the suspicion finally turn away from Esme, but only after dredging up every nasty thing she's ever done. Sam couldn't solve a three-piece jigsaw puzzle, so I don't see this murder being solved anytime before the next millennium.