Should we be happy or furious that Passions chose it's last month on NBC to start kicking ass? Oh sure, we still have the occasional silly and contrived scene, but for the most part, this show has been sizzling.

The return of Alistair and RealVincent: It is clear that the Grand Poobah of Creep has yet to recover those marbles he's obviously lost. He confronts Vincent in his jail cell and basically scares the living daylights out of the guy. I was furious. You brought this retched character back and now you have him threatening a guy that is most certainly mentally ill? You've got to be kidding. It was one of the few times I felt sorry for Vincent. But I have to give Passions credit for throwing me a monumental curve ball. Vincent was extremely convincing as a man having a serious mental breakdown - and it was all an act! Color me completely shocked. I have to admit, when Vincent busted out of the joint and later threatened Sheridan with a knife, I was surprised. Actually, more than surprised. I was staring at the TV with my jaw sitting on the floor. Damn, I thought to myself, Vincent is a better actor than the actor playing him, if that is even possible! But the whole thing goes back to the one person who made it all too delicious not to watch: Kudos and a huge round of applause to Phillip Jeanmarie, who had us buying the "poor me" act - hook, line and sinker - and then springs this jolter on us.

Vincent is holding a knife to Sheridan's throat and I couldn't help myself. I wanted him to kill the bitch and do it now. She's nuts. She brought most of this on herself. She lives in a delusional world of fantasy and if anyone around here should be sporting the straitjacket, it should be her. Luis to the rescue? There he is in all his dumbfounded glory and when he told Sheridan, "Sorry, I can't save you," I admit, that one threw me for a loop. Wha...?? Heh? Am I flocking dreaming here?! Of course, the next thing we see is Luis appearing out of nowhere to surprise Vincent. Color me surprised once again: Not only did Luis almost out-do Vincent on convincing acts but it was actually ingenious and clever for him to even think of it. Nice going, Passions!

As for Alistair, he is as annoying now as he was the last time we saw him. But I was still a little taken aback by his reaction to the news that Julian is not Ebrat's father and therefore, not the Crane heir. Come on. This is the guy that had cameras all over Harmony and knew every single detail of everyone's life, so you're telling us that Ali really had no idea? That one I am not buying. Now he's out for revenge against Theresa, like she's some kind of evil pariah that destroys lives with a toss of her luxurious mane, instead of just a simple, fate-believing Lo-Fitz gal who wants to marry her man - and has told a lie or two (dozen). What I'm really trying to say is why does Theresa always have to be the one in constant danger, from Alistair or anyone else? Give that a rest already.

Fancy/Alistair/Pretty: But you're dead, the girls chorused, upon seeing the Creep. After the shock wore off, the next thing I see is Fancy holding a gun on Grampy. "You disappoint me, Fancy," Ali-Creep starts to say, and Fancy fires back with, "No Grampy. You disappoint me." Choke on salad. Spray ice cold Dr. Pepper all over TV screen. WOW! HELLLLLOOOO!! Jump up and do the "woo hoo!" dance. Oh no she didn't! And she wasn't just saying it to say it, she meant business! Yeah, girl! Don't just stand there, shoot the bastard! That little tidbit was better than homemade Italian pizza with the works, but when I found myself yelling at Fancy to take them both out, I had to step back for a second. Alistair, in the cruel manner to which he is accustomed, had ordered Pretty out the door, because she is not perfect. She has a scar on her face, and no amount of sob-story was working on Alistair. He wanted her and her disfigured face out, Crane or not. Anyone that can so callously dismiss a family member because of something superficial that cannot be helped, deserves to have his slimy body punched full of holes. Step back into scene and commence with yelling to Fancy to take the bastard out! If a stray bullet hits Pretty, then fate truly is kind, right?

Of course, Pretty throws the switch on the lights, allowing Alistair to escape Fancy's wrath. And she's only doing it to convince Alistair that she loves him, when she really shouldn't care. How quickly she forgot how mean he was to her when he saw her, and the awful things he said. That should've been enough for Pretty to flip them all the major bird and walk away once and for all. That's what I would've done. But leave it to Passions to serve up yet another surprise. Fancy and Pretty get into a struggle over the gun after Pretty tries to prevent Fancy from calling the cops. Off camera they go and the next thing we hear is a gun shot. Is it bad to wish that a bullet hit one of them? At least it would keep things around here as exciting as they have been.

The hysterical goings-on at Tabby's lair: I don't know what's been funnier: Kay and her misguided magic or the comedic relief of Norma and Edna. Either way, if they are present in the episode, you know you're in store for some laughs. Miguel thinks he is losing his mind because Kay keeps using her magic (after warning from Tabitha not to) and she keeps placing them in situations that only Endora can get them out of. Before all is said and done, I see Miggies heading for the loony bin. In the meantime, taking in all the fun is Norma and Edna. Norma, after Kay accidentally zapped everyone into Hawaiian gear instead of zapping her and Miguel back to Hawaii: "I can sing 'Tiny Bubbles' if you want," to which everyone else replied with "NO!!" Seeing Norma dancing around doing the hula was too funny not to make mention of here. Even funnier was when Edna asked how Norma's mother died and Norma said, "The coroner had a hard time tellin' since she was in pieces and all..." It's rip-roaring antics like this that remind us of why Passions will always be considered one of daytime's most hilarious soaps.

Ethan and Theresa's wedding: For a minute there, I thought it was never going to happen. Then finally, Ethan starts gushing, Theresa starts gushing, and we get a montage of flashbacks set to a romantic song... They are really going to do it this time! Gwen and Rebecca are locked in a bathroom with no way out, so Gwen can't spout off Theresa's secret - what's to stop the wedding? Okay, a few things. For one, Theresa has NO REASON to keep her secret now. For two, Ethan needs to shut up and let her talk instead of saying, "Don't tell me" all the time. Doesn't he know that makes us want to smack him into oblivion? But anyway, the wedding does happen and ET finally get hitched - or so we thought.

Now that Alistair is back, Rebecca is claiming that Theresa and Ethan's marriage is invalid since Alistair came back from the dead. I have several problems with this, starting with the fact that an eight-year-long wait for a pay off isn't legal. And what else? Well the way I figure it, Alistair was declared dead. His will was read and Theresa took over the entire Crane kitty, yes? So legally, yes the ET marriage would indeed be valid, just as her marriage to Jared was. Boo to the writers for resorting to this overused plot device again.

Gwen is just itching to tell Theresa's tale until she is stopped by Alistair. I don't care about your revenge, I want mine! The girl's got moxie to be talking like that to Harmony's worst nightmare, wouldn't you say? But Alistair, as we all know, arranged for Theresa to be poisoned (sigh...) and Ethan, as usual, wolfs down whatever the poison was mixed with once again. Theresa's famous guacamole anyone? This time, the fatal food was strawberries and now Ethan is out like a light. Instead of say..... Oh, calling 911 or something, Theresa just sits there and screams for help. Like anyone is going to hear her. And once again, Ethan is going to be hospitalized (please, no staring up at the ceiling) because he fell victim to a war that Alistair started. "I guess Theresa being dead will have to do," Gwen grumbles. How about we all get over this crap and move on? Gwen wants payback because she thinks Theresa stole her man, her sanity and her fertility. If she really thinks about it, she never had the man in the first place. The sanity part was bound to happen sometime. As for her fertility, I recall Alistair forcing Dr. Somebody to tell Gwen that she couldn't have children many moons ago. But alas, I could be just flipping out myself, since she never got knocked up after that.

Well kittens, it looks like we're only going to have the show on NBC for a mere two more weeks, which means two more visits to my Basement. As far as the Basement closing, that may not actually happen. After all, this show is starting to get REALLY GOOD and I don't want to miss a thing, do you? So Broomie has hopefully stumbled onto a way to watch it once it hits the satellite dish. And the week of Labor Day promises to be a fun one at Soaptown as our columnists temporarily switch shows! See what the GL writer thinks of Days, and the Days' writer's real thoughts about the happenings in Pine Valley, etc.! It gives us writers something fun to do and yes, it's only for one set of columns, so don't miss out! As for Passions, Broomie deliberately left it out of this fun venture because she wants to write the columns for the final two weeks on NBC herself -she feels that she owes it to her devoted followers to be here for the show's network home stretch.