Ruined Romance


How the threat of plastic surgery-altered characters ruined a perfectly good romance


I expect ridiculous things from soaps. It’s part of their charm, and it’s what keeps people tuning in every week day. But every now and then something will happen that just makes me so angry that I have trouble expressing myself. (Of course, that will make writing my column a real challenge this week.)

To what do I refer?

The patently absurd notion that Sheila Carter had plastic surgery to look exactly like Phyllis. 

Aside from the fact that Sheila is older than Phyllis, Phyllis is a half a foot taller than Sheila and has a completely different bone and body structure. What did those miracle surgeons do…give the woman leg extensions, sheer off her hip bones, and liposuction just about everything she owns?  C’mon. It’s not like they can just slap some bad teeth and a cheap wig on her.    

Sheila was the same height as Lauren, and Kimberlin Brown is a normal looking, curvy woman. Phyllis is tall and Michelle Stafford has a model thin, perfectly toned physique.  It’s idiotic to try to pass this story off as a possibility…but the size and shape isn’t the only thing that offends me about this scenario.   

How exactly would the writers propose Sheila learn everything about Phyllis’s life? All the inside jokes she would have with her son and with Nick. All the business information from NVP. The portion of her history that wasn’t in the tabloids.

And what about the time line? If Sheila isn’t really dead, and has already switched with Phyllis, then Sheila would have had her complete transformation and immersion into all the facts of Phyllis’s life in around 6 weeks. That would be the only way for the timing to work out so Sheila would be the one pregnant.

On the other hand, if Sheila hasn’t swapped out yet, then she had the entire summer to educate herself on all things Phyllis. None of this means that Phyllis would have to be dead…Sheila could be keeping Phyllis elsewhere, and staged the accident to make it look like she (Sheila) is deceased. We all know rule #1: Dead is never really dead.

In the meantime, the mere chance that the writers may actually pursue this nonsense has completely ruined Nick and Phyllis for me. It colors everything they’ve done and said in 2006, and makes a viewer second guess every conversation, no matter how innocuous.  It makes the whole relationship completely creepy. After watching their romance blossom, I couldn’t stomach seeing any portion of their elopement, and I haven’t watched a scene between them since the Sheila thing was floated out there. All the buildup for a wedding only to tarnish it with one of the most foolish tales ever penned. What a complete waste.   

Elsewhere in Genoa City, Carmen’s body turned up opening night at Indigo, just as predicted. I sure am tired of listening to everyone trash the poor girl. Every single one of the people bad-mouthing her would have had anyone else arrested if they had behaved as Dru did. Do you think Victor or Brad would put up with someone putting their respective lady-loves in a headlock? Doubtful. So why does Dru get a pass while Carmen gets venom spat at her?  

Phyllis has been Carmen’s sole ally…’course if it turns out to be Sheila, the writers can just imply the support was only because Sheila’s crazy.

I don’t know why the show became so determined to paint Carmen as evil. The only break was when Neil finally remembered who found the property which has become his jazz club. Oh…yeah…Carmen did that nice thing for him, while encouraging him to make his dream a reality.

I almost choked when Neil said to someone, “I try to keep my business and personal life separate.”  Really. Since when does working with your wife, son, son-in-law, and son-in-law’s mother at Newman Enterprises - while dating the company’s P.R. person - qualify as keeping a person’s business and personal lives separate?

Kudos, though, to the actors who comprise the Winters family for so quickly learning sign language. It’s really impressive, and it’s an excellent way to encourage others to improve communications with the hearing impaired. 

I found the debut of Neil’s club mildly disturbing. It was so odd. G.C. residents who normally don’t get along mingling while listening to Aaron Neville. It was not unlike a strange dream I once had.  

What’s the deal with NuBilly oozing up to Jana while she’s on a date with Kevin? There he was putting his arm around someone else’s date. I had hopes for this actor when they first cast him, but it appears he has the personality of a Styrofoam cup, and about as much talent. I won’t miss him.

And then Jana took a spin with young William. Why??? Hey! Jana! Dance with the one who brought ya.

Good news: Victor’s returning to his old self, and he knows Jackie has been a bad boy.  We’ll take a closer look next week.   

One more thing…it seems The Martini Kitty indulged too much while typing last week, causing me to call Devon’s mom by the wrong name.  Reader Kevin sent a note to correct me: Devon’s mom is named Yolanda.







Until next time, remember: it’s shaken, not stirred…and there should always be a twist.





e-mail me martinikitty@soaptownusa.com

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