UPDATED 8-11-08

CRAZE

They're (Still) Alive!

As if the Mendorra storyline wasn't a big enough disaster to begin with, TPTB have to torture the fans, teasing us with the demises of Sarah Roberts and both Vega brothers... only to bring them all back to life. 

When Sarah Roberts showed up back from the dead (and so soon after happily perishing) with that typical, vaguely present look on her face, I about flung my remote control at the television hard enough to break it in half. I had similar reactions when Cristian replaced the cartoonish executioner (as soon as I saw the masked, bare-chested day player, I knew Cris Vega was about to come back for another round of vacuous existence) and when Antonio sadly fought his way through an insanely deep stab wound... which seemingly neither hurt nor infected him. What a shame. The problem with Mendorra wasn't so much the terrible display of undirected and unschooled acting or hideously amateur dialouge. 

Neither was the main problem the Jupiter-sized plot holes or downright nonsensical storytelling. The biggest problem with Mendorra was that there was no one to cheer for. Talia being forced into a marriage and held captive is the first chance to make the character interesting (I'm sure that won't be taken advantage of, but a smart writer would turn her to the dark side now...she is useless otherwise). I wasn't rooting for her to escape. 

Tina is one of my favorite characters from the past but she bored the crap out of me in Mendorra (now that she's home in Llanview I am into it but let's face it - she couldn't rise above Mendorra). Cain is a two-dimensional character outdone by the all-too-similar David Vickers, already on the canvas. No one cared about Cain in Mendorra. I think I speak for many of us when I say that the moment Cris and Sarah went over the waterfall, a lot of prayers went up to the heavens that we would never lay eyes upon them again. When Chamberlain stabbed Antonio, I cheered - but I wasn't cheering Chamberlain (we know nothing about him, he's just a generic bad guy) - I was just cheering for Antonio to die by any means possible. And sadly, I couldn't cheer for Carlo either. I sure had hoped to, but this incarnation of Carlo made a mockery of the entire soap genre and the history of One Life to Live.  What a sad waste of Thom Christopher's talent.

Monday, 8/4

-The 1968 version of Renee doesn't seem to have any angst about the son she already bore Asa (Ben) and gave up. Strange, isn't it, that she is so easily dismissive of Asa. One has to wonder if the writers simply chose to ignore the existence of Ben Davidson.
-  So, Dallas came to Llanview to "be with Clint" because of Nash's death and the B.E. takeover...but she didn't bother to attend Asa's funeral? So in other words, she's just a lonely interloper who's supposed to make us root for Nora. Good luck with that.
-  Can someone please explain to me why 1968 Clint/Jared has a crazy southern drawl when 2008 Clint has no accent whatsoever? And was 1968 Clint really such a goofball hippie? I find that hard to believe especially when thinking back to early Clint Ritchie performances. 1968 Clint reads as false, false, false to me.
-  Talia actually has WAY more chemistry with Jonas than she does with Antonio.   -  It was impossible not to love Tina's slip of, "I love you too, Cord."  BUT... Tina is so much more than her two or three most famous moments. I wonder if the current writers realize that? 
-  Melissa Archer is sporting the worst Mexican accent in the history of television.  And that's okay, because it makes me laugh. Hard.
-  I hung my head in shame over the scenes where Cris saved Tina and Cain, and none of the royal guardsmen thought to draw their weapons against Cris. Are you telling me these guards were not armed?  What the HELL were the writers thinking?  Those scenes were just laughable. Especially because the one guard Antonio beat up had a gun. Why didn't the others?
-  I want to reach into my television and slap Gigi silly. Her treatment of Brody is downright abusive.
-  I find it odd that Bo was discouraging Cord's existence by trying to keep 1968 Clint and Maria apart. But then he came around I guess.
-  Excuse me, but Bo has forgotten that David Vickers saved Jessica's life as her organ donor? HELLO??? Bo "has a feeling" that if Vickers never existed things might not be the same?  Is Bo going senile - or are the writers?  Who forgot to take their ginkgo biloba this week, hmm?
-  Okay, bear with me here. I was thinking about the prospect of Llanview without David Vickers - if he had never existed at all. When he came to town, he was impersonating the bastard son of Victor Lord - who turned out to actually be Todd.  If it weren't for Vickers, Todd may never have found out he was a Lord. And certainly, Blair would not have seduced him for the purpose of getting his money.  So without David Vickers, it's very possible that Todd and Blair would never have married, and Starr and Jack may not even exist. Also, Dorian would have been executed for the murder of Victor Lord. 
-  It would be fun to do one or two eppy's where we got to see Llanview if David Vickers had never existed. More fun than watching Bo trying to have sex with Gigi/Emma, that's for sure.
-  Brody and Gigi plan on living off of lunch tips at a bar? Oh puh-lease!

Tuesday, 8/5

-  Clint is getting to be such a bastard that I'm wondering if he and Dorian are the perfect pair after all!
-  I NEVER thought I would say this, but Carlo Hesser is ANNOYING. He needs to just shut up.
-  Roxy sighting!!! More, please. 
-  Where the hell is Jamie Vega? She's practically being raised by nannies. R.J. totally should have gotten custody of her.
-  If I see that pouty look on Langston's face one more time, I am going to pull all of my hair out.
-  How stupid are Viki and Natalie that they can't tell Jessica is Tess? There is absolutely no subtlety going on here.
-  FINALLY a nice Andrea Evans moment - oddly, with David Fumero (on the plain talking about Sarah)! Weird!
-  I love SO MUCH how nasty Clint is being to Natalie. He really is turning into Asa, and it's great.
-  Anytime Dorian vows out loud to make Todd Manning "pay," I get excited.
-  Todd to Jack: "Momma probably doesn't want to be late for HER sleepover, either." Awesome line. I just love Todd and Blair hating on each other. It is endlessly entertaining.
-  If TPTB are leaving Talia in Mendorra, I hope they will at least use it as an opportunity to change her character up and maybe turn her to the dark side. Or just write her off, either way. 
-  The Charlie/Jared scenes were really sweet.
-  How refreshing that Todd immediately wondered who was trying to kill Natalie when he heard about Viki's accident. HELLO! Is Todd the only one left in the room with a brain? 
-  Come to think of it, this week Todd was written perfectly and I started to like him again. He was a bold, clever smart ass. That's the Todd I miss.
-  And how DIVINE was it when Todd accused CLINT of trying to kill Natalie! LOVE it!!!
-  Dorian: "I saved that cow's life and she doesn't invite me to her goodbye party?"  Hah.
-  I was really hoping Tina would make it back in time to crash Viki's party. The writers are REALLY dragging her return out. Now I'm getting excited for her first scenes with Dorian and Blair... bring it!
-  Why do I for see Starr going into labor while stranded in a storm with Marcie, Cole, and Michael?
-  Dorian crashing Viki's party was true to form.

Wednesday, 8/6

-  Loved Tess getting fired up and calling Dorian a "bitch" in front of her whole family (hello, SO not Jessica's way... yet no one notices?).
-  Okay, this Layla and Vince sighting quickly turned into the most unexpected and random little subplot ever. I guess they finally fired Tobias, huh? The writers just completely reinforced that they do not see black characters as needing to be written with any integrity or consistency. Ugh. But that's nothing new, sadly. Vince went from psuedo-gangster to stand-up hero wannabe to thug player. Welcome to Llanview, where minority characters change on a dime to suit the current writer's purpose, and get to have their own SUB-plot about twice a year. 
-  Do all soaps have an airport set? I really love the one on our show.
-  So, "Vinnie-mac" is suddenly a complete sleazeball again. But he ain't got game since his other ho just walked right in behind him. So... Vince is not only a player but a really bad player, I guess.
-  Love that Tina made fake jewels to trick Cain. That a girl.

Thursday, 8/7
-  I enjoyed Rex's narration as we saw all of the different scenelets happening, but the scrolling text was irritating. It made me feel nauseous.
-  Layla's little subplot with Vince was awful, but I'm liking her new attitude today.  Too bad she had to become a victim for it.
-  I'm SO SURE a mechanic is just going to show up at some mansion late at night to tell a car owner their breaks were tampered with.
-  I LOVE Andrea Evans but it seems like she's bugging her eyes out or something, like she is having a hard time seeing? It also sounds like she has a cold or is having sinus problems. 
-  After all these years of not seeing her sister, all Tina can talk about is her feelings for Cord? Really??? How about "I'm so sorry about Ben and about your heart disease and transplant and oh yeah, I heard our father came back from the dead, too, and that Mitch is Jessica's father!!!???"
-  Here's something that's driving me batshit: Todd and Blair are always having arguments in his house, and yet Marty doesn't hear them? And why does she never call out to Todd or Keyes or anyone else downstairs? How does she pee, will someone please explain that to me???
-  Antonio has had NO medical attention for his ultra-deep stab wound. He should be dead by now from infection. Take note, soap gods!
-  Tina, meet Natalie. Natalie, Tina. I have waited a LONG time for that. Chip off the old block.
-  Tess is grating my nerves worse than anyone right now. Which is saying a lot.  She is utterly one-dimensional.
-  Gigi is grating my nerves pretty bad as well. And how STUPID is this time travel story??? Gigi actually believes Rex and Bo are trapped in 1968, which makes the entire story all the more ridiculous. 
-  But Lea DeLaria is absolutely HILARIOUS as Delbert Fina (and as Delphina).
-  Love the Tina/Tess bitchiness. I hope Tina teaches that loony toon a thing or two!
-  But wait: How could Tess not know who Tina is??? I thought Tess had all of Jessica's memories
- right???? Me thinks that was sloppy writing.

Friday, 8/8

-  It bugged me that Brody wanted to turn off "Hello I Love You" by the Doors.  I have a pretty good feeling Brody would like the Doors!
-  Tina and Natalie look like mother and daughter.
-  Bob Woods is doing a great job in the time travel storyline, being Bo-as-Asa. One thing I'll give Carlivati is that he is really honoring Phil Carey and the legacay of Asa Buchanan by infusing so much of him in both Clint and Bo.   
-  Here's a sick thought: What if Roxy pops into the 1968 storyline (as played by Bree Williamson, perhaps) and Rex (as Bo) has sex with her? Then Bo would be Rex's real father, and Rex will have slept with his own mother. Sort of. Ewww.  
-  I just cannot get over the horrendousness of Melissa Archer's accent!  It is one of the most hilarious things I have ever heard in my life.
-  Why didn't Cris and Sarah tell Layla what's up with Talia? She's not allowed to participate in that storyline, only in her own little ridiculous subplot? Weird!   
-  So one day Brody won't let Gigi talk to Rex on the phone, and the next day he's cutting her a check for $5,000 to go and find him? Huh?

MAIL REPORT
"The Mendorra stuff is stupid (and I am hating the fact that Sarah as played by Justis Bolding is back, and that at least one Vega boy didn't die). However, I do like seeing Tina again, even if I wish she was doing more, I am glad that she is back on my OLTL!! See, I understand that they cannot have Tina do everything that we want her to do all at once, you have to leave some things for later, some things to make people want to keep tuning in... similar to Marty not interacting with Cole yet; though I do admit that Tina with these non-acting newbies/non-newbies who still cannot act sucks and is not on the same level as Marty getting to be with a very-much-can-act Todd; however, it is not Tina's fault that her daughter Sarah sucks, and is in a sucky relationship, and is friends with people who suck."  - Miry

What a horrible tease that Sarah and the Vegas all survived Mendorra. I just had to laugh at Miry's assessment of all the suckiness Tina is surrounded by. It's almost like they're punishing her for being gone for so long!

"Gigi is getting on my damn nerves. I like her and Rex together, but she just needs to tell him the truth, it's been too long, and he has been more than a friend to her in the past few months, it is time to tell the truth. Not telling him before, when he ran out on her is understandable, but this is not. He helped her get a job, takes her kid places, etc. She has no excuse good enough to keep Rex from his son. Also, why is she acting like such a bitch to Brody?  Last time I checked, he was doing HER ass a favor, by keeping HER lie, & being a father to HER son, and all she can give him is lip and accusations. She should be struggling between getting back what she had with Brody and trying to make a family with him and "their son", and her feelings for Rex.  What the hell kind of crappy triangle is this? I want Brody and Rex to be together more than I want EITHER one of them with this harpy! TPTB are getting dangerously close to losing Gigi fans with her current actions. She should be kissing the ground that Brody walks on instead of pissing on him at every turn, over every little thing.  She should not want to tell Rex the truth b/c of Shane being hurt yes, but also b/c of what it may do to Brody, b/c of his unselfishness & generosity towards a child that isn't even his...she should not want to take that kid, a child that he obviously loves, away from him. She should be struggling with that, not this "I want Rex to come to me for me" junk. I mean, HELLO, the guy who owes you NOTHING just paid for your son's college education & is expecting nothing in return, the LEAST this woman can do is not treat him like dirt."  - Also Miry

This is SUCH a good point. The writers are BOMBING with the character of Gigi. It's such a shame. They took their time introducing her a year ago, which was great.  We got to know her through Marcie, and through her sweet relationship with Shane. The Rex paternity secret was great but it should have come out when Adriana left town. But TPTB went forward with a Rex/Gigi/Brody triangle instead - which makes no sense seeing as Brody was clearly introduced to us as a scoundrel. But whatever. The main flaw in the triangle isn't the 180-degree turnaround in the Brody character, it's that Gigi - as Miry points out - is being a huge bitch. She's treating Brody like he's an alcoholic, which he clearly isn't. He likes to drink beer, as do plenty of other guys. Instead of insisting he not drink ever around Shane or let Shane drink, she made him go to AA. What the hell? Does this mean she is also never allowed to drink? I'm confused by her logic. And most confusing of all is her logic about keeping the paternity secret. Miry's right - she's only holding out in hopes that Rex will properly fall in love with her. So then what? She's going to kick Brody to the curb? Unbelievable! Honestly, I think Brody could have some legal standing to sue for joint custody when it's all said and done.

"I am dreadfully over the 1968 storyline. It should have been a dream for one or both of them. But for it to be real... gimme a break. It’s time to end this one. Bo and Rex are friggin’ awesome together, that goes without saying. And their stuff together, their time together, has been SO GOOD… but it’s being wasted on a horrendous storyline."  - Jen in KC

Yep!

"I too think the 1968 "series" needs to go away and is getting worse by the second.  Did you catch the fact that "cells" and also the satellites that assist in placing those calls weren't around in '68? Hopefully this madness will end soon."  - Nan

Oh dear. If we probe even for a moment the realism of this story, we will have to bow our heads in shame.

"I'm a Luke & Laura fan and he raped her many years ago. I've been able to get passed that for whatever reason so maybe I should TRY to do the same with Todd and Marty. I guess my problem with Todd and Marty is not the actors because both are brilliant. I think it's the lying that Todd keeps doing. I mean sooner or later the truth is going to have to be revealed and when that happens we are going to see some major fireworks. It's so hard because on one hand I actually want to like Todd and Marty because I think in spite of himself he's actually starting to care for her but on the other hand I can't get passed the lies he's telling her. It's like something needs to give. You know what I'm saying? And the longer they continue on this road the less I want to see Todd and Blair back together. Now that's crazy because I've been a Todd & Blair fan since I started watching the show. Goodness. Knowing me my mind will change a million times before I finally decide where I stand on everything. Ha! I do know that the only thing I enjoy watching right now on OLTL is Trevor St. John and Susan Haskell."  - Lindsey

I can't even imagine Todd and Blair together again. That would be SO boring in every way. I can't wait to see how TPTB play the Marty/Todd reveal. All I really care about is that Marty does not remember Todd's face as her rapist. If she remembers everything at once (that Todd came back from the dead as Walker and then was revealed as Todd...and that she even testified for him), that's fine. But if she just remembers the rape and TPTB ignore that Todd had plastic surgery, I will be extremely peeved. I'm betting Todd tries to confess his lies to Marty but cowards out of it just before Cole, John, etc. bust in on their rumored wedding.

"I thought the scenes on the roof between John and Blair were great. FINALLY, Blair admitted that Todd abused her. No, he didn't hit her, however verbal and emotional abuse IS abuse. It does just as much, if not more damage. I would like to see OLTL explore it further. Have Blair attend a meeting or two. She needs it. Don't put Todd and Blair back together, EVER!"  - Sheree

Well, Todd certainly abused Blair for years, calling her a "slut" and "whore" and "bitch" every chance he got, right in front of her children. It would be an interesting angle for Blair to explore WHY she let Todd abuse her for so long, especially if it led to an exploration of her childhood and finally finding out who her father is. I think her conception and foster childhood clearly are the roots of her low self-esteem... but she's never done anything about it.

"Here it is plain and simple: Jess/Tess is boring because Forbes March is gone. I LOVED him when he first came on with Tess. They were fun, dynamic and interesting to watch. Nash with Jess was not nearly as good, but still OK because I liked him so much (Both Forbes and Nash). Now, without Nash, Jess/Tess might as well go back to Antonio and leave town."  - Patricia

I wasn't a huge Forbes/Nash fan really, although I did like Nash and Tess' relationship for the first few months. I felt that her integration with Jessica ruined the Tess/Nash relationship and gave way to a terribly boring marriage for Jessica/Nash. Giving Jessica hepatitis and not allowing her to ever drink again (including Tess) was a huge miscalculation. Now, Tess is back but she pales in comparison to the Tess we first met years ago. This Tess isn't out drinking and being a slut (if she were, she and Brody could be the hot couple to watch on this show). She's talking to herself as if she's on Days of Our Lives, and trying to kill her family members. It's really dull and quite frankly, means that Jessica should be placed in a mental ward for the rest of her life. How much better would things be if Jessica was out partying and sleeping with Brody, only to have Mitch Laurence return to town and meet his "other" daughter? How great would Mitch/Tess be?  Sigh.

"No words. But I’ll try to muster a few. Have no doubt you will receive enough e-mails to crash your system on this matter. Oddly, though I will probably agree with their disgust at the execution of the Layla/Vincent retirement, I am far more offended as a writer. Even more offended as a sentient being with more than a few i.q. points to her credit.  Was never keen on either character as they were never developed enough to insight emotion and would be comfortable with both off canvas for just one RJ, Rachel, or a brand-new Negro (I can say that. I am one.) of some depth. Have had the highest hopes for RC which he affirmed briefly. However, after characters as banal as Sarah & Cris return from the waterfall while Vincent free falls into the worst stereotype of black men…I have no words to complete this sentence.  Please do not mistake any need for political correctness on my part. Cheating is breathing is soapville. RJ is a bona fide bad ass defying ethnicity and frankly, the Lindsey letter was out of character for a classic villain. The problem with Vincent’s diss of a dismissal, is that the relationship was never respected by the writers so written primarily off-camera anyway. This token romance was too unsatisfactory to even warrant the further insult of that excuse of a scene. Why even bother?  Except to illustrate to your audience your utter lack of regard. Would actually like to be in some, any position at all, to defend RC as one of the more authentic authors in the genre.  Why this most unfortunate choice to make that so, so difficult?"  - Citizen K

I can't add much to Citizen's spot-on assessment of the contrivance created to get Vince out of town and spawn a new Layla/Brody tease (you know it won't go anywhere - she's black!) while continuing to do disservices to Agnes Nixon's original intention of honoring diversity on this show. The opposite, sadly, seems to be the case.

Please send your OLTL thoughts, complaints, suggestions, and desperate pleas to:

Robert Iger, President of Disney (ABC Parent Company)
robert.a.iger@disney.com 

Anne Sweeney, President of ABC
anne.x.sweeney@abc.com

Brian Frons  brian.fron@abc.com

That's it for this week. Thanks for reading, and don't forget to e-mail me.

 

Until next time - don't forget to feel the Craze! 

Jeremy in Chicago

 

 

 

 

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