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UPDATED 12-15-08
CRAZE
True
Romance
Just years after
Dena Higley decimated One Life to Live and created some of the worst couples in
the show's history, Ron Carlivati has reinvented it as THE daytime destination
for relationships, which is what soaps are supposed to be about in the first
place!
 Remember
when our show had nauseating front-burner couples like Blair and
Spencer? How about the mind-numbingly awful pairings of Cristian and
Evangline, Jessica and Antonio, and John and Natalie? Those couples
went on and on for years even though the characters made no sense
together and the actors lacked any semblance of chemistry. Yet those
were pretty much the only couples around. Thinking back on the
not-so-long-ago era of atrocious couples on OLTL, it struck me that
we have entered a kind of new era on the show. Overall, this has
been one of the best years in the history of this soap opera. At a
time when the industry is tanking fast, and when its sister ABC
soaps have either been gutted and repopulated by newbies too many
times to count (All My Children) or written by violence-obsessed
gangster wannabes who systematically destroyed every core family on
the show (General Hospital), OLTL has risen out of Higley's ashes
and become the best show on daytime.
But why do
people watch soaps anymore? I'm not sure I have the answer to
that. Personally, I watch for the acting. But I think most people
watch for two different reasons. First, they want to touch base
with the long-term characters whom they feel have become part of
their lives. It's rather like an imaginary family, and each fan
allows different characters into their life for different reasons. If the actor playing a role isn't great, I find myself unwilling and
unable to care about their character. That is why there remain
several long-term characters (known by us as the "Shitsies") whom I
resent because for years they have been taking up space alongside my
imaginary little "family."
 When new
couples come onto the scene, they affect each individual character's
standing. For example, I loved Natalie when she was first on the
show. And back then, I didn't hate Cristian, I just felt
indifferently toward him. When Natalie and Cris had their
relationship, I found them boring and started to lose interest in
both of their individual characters. When Natalie got together with
John, whom I mildly disliked, I started to hate Natalie because of
how awful Jolie were together. Natalie never recovered...until TPTB found the perfect character and actor for her to play opposite
of in Jared/John Brotherton. I don't even think Brotherton is that
strong of an actor, but he and Melissa Archer/Natalie just "click." Now, Natalie is back in my good graces - and so is John. John, who
has always been one of the most ill-conceived soap characters, with
his hands-on-hips, bored-as-hell, gum-chomping, labotomous malaise,
has finally been paired with someone that he can be himself around.
Blair is the first woman we've seen John with that isn't demanding
some sort of existential "great love," from him (i.e., smothering
him). Speaking of Blair, she was all but a lost cause in the past
few years, after getting in bed with obvious sociopath Spencer
Truman, then getting back together with Todd and repeating the whole
boring Manning cycle. But something miraculous has happened: Blair
is actually over Todd! Can you believe it? Not only is she over
Todd, but she's now with a man that is her FRIEND first, and lover
second. Suddenly, Blair and John are having a mutual character
renaissance. This is what happens when the right people are paired
up. And pairing the right people up is imperative to making a show
work.
 Which brings
us to the second reason most people watch soaps: "Romance." I
honestly consider myself an exception to that rule, but I think
that's because so many of the couples in recent years failed to
ignite any true romance. Most "romance" on soaps is shoved down our
throats like a hot dog that's getting cold. Yet something is
happening on OLTL that I haven't seen in years on any soap. There
are "romantic" scenes that are warming my heart and even bringing a
tear to my eye. I'm thinking of Viki and Charlie's reconciliation. There were no cheesy, half-naked sex scenes. Even if Erika Slezak
and Brian Kerwin had bodies like David Fumero, they wouldn't need to
get naked. Their characters' connection embodies what most people
are looking for in a relationship. I think Blair and John may
actually be following in their footsteps. Starr/Cole,
Natalie/Jared, Markko/Langston, Nora/Clint, and for some (though not
myself), Rex/Gigi are all couples set on the path of "true
romance." And this week, I think we got a glimpse of a new couple
with a very powerful potential to have that true connection: Jessica and Brody. I hated their initial scenes last week, but this
week despite Jessica not flipping into her more captivating alters
her scenes with Brody stunned me with simplistic emotional
honesty. I have never found Jessica so watchable without the
presence of her alters. I take this as a positive sign that Brody
and Jessica are going to be a fine
 romantic addition to the only
soap opera that seems to still consider "Love in the Afternoon" a
relevant motto. Even with the Todd/Marty "rapemance" (which some of
us still think could turn into "true" romance, much to the chagrin
of justified others), and the brain-damaging snooze fests known as
Antonio/Talia and Vanessa/Cris/Sarah, OLTL is experiencing a
romantic renaissance. In just two short years, the show has
morphed from entirely plot-driven to utterly character-driven. As a
result, the right romantic pairings are rising up because the
characters are staying true to themselves rather than bending to
plot devices. Now that's what I call a Christmas miracle.
Now, a note to
TPTB: With the news that you have hired big-name actors Scott
Clifton, Crystal Hunt, and Brett Claywell, and signed Justin Paul
Kahn (Wes) to a contract, we fans have reason to be concerned. I
have no problem with any of these actors (yet), but quite simply, a
Newbie Invasion is NOT what the doctor ordered. If you must bring
these new characters and actors into our living rooms, PLEASE heed
my call and promptly remove Vanessa, Lola, and (sorry, folks) Moe
and Noelle from the show. They are extraneous, expendable, and
extremely annoying. Make these new characters count if you must,
but I find this massive hiring insulting to the veterans you have
been ignoring and to the viewers who are finding the show a bit
crowded already.
Monday,
12/8
""IF YOU BUILD IT, SHE WILL COME"
- Tea hasn't been heard from in 6 years. What are the chances Todd
has another little bundle of joy out there, say about 6 years old?
- Viki seems so
annoyed with Natalie's presence, doesn't she?
- Robin Strasser
was great when Dorian found out about Joplin's suicide.
 -
I don't know if she has Todd's kid or not, but something is just UP
with Tea. She seems to be hiding something.
- Todd blames
JOHN for falling out of love with Blair? Are you kidding me?
That was WAY after the fact. Try blaming Spencer, or Blair, or
yourself. But John? Oh, puh-lease.
- I had to laugh
when Viki said, "I'm just not a great date."
- I love how on
soaps, you can get hired somewhere without applying, without
references, and without filling out W-2 forms. I know it's just
waiting tables, but I've done that plenty of times and you can't
just walk in and start serving tables.
- I was stunned
when John told Blair he "sure as hell" wanted to keep seeing her.
These are strong words from the stoic one.
- Interesting
that Jessica and Nash are the ones who had the incompatible blood
types. Is this the beginning of a "Bree is really Jared's daughter"
storyline? And if so, could it have future bearing on legal
guardianship of Jessica's children?
 - I loved
watching Marty discover her past and Todd's crimes on the internet,
but don't you think she would have Google searched the man a long,
long time ago? Just out of curiosity?
- John wants
Blair! This is really shocking and delightful to me, to see John
state what he wants.
- I am dying to
know what Marty is planning to do to Todd. She is not playing
around.
T uesday,
12/9 "CHRISTINA
COMES HOME FOR CHRISTMAS"
- I didn't know the St. Anne's waiting area also served as a
cafeteria! How can a room that is usually completely empty be so
full?
- The "mental
case" extras went a wee bit over the top, in my opinion but it made
me laugh so who cares!
- Can someone please lace David Fumero's coffee with some crack?
Is he even awake?
 - If TPTB
revealed that Cris was a total stoner all these years, suddenly
everything would make a bit of sense.
- The
Charlie/Viki scenes are beautiful.
- Roxy: "This looks like a Norman Rockefeller painting." Hilarious. Roxy
is just killing me with laughter lately.
- Hmm. So
Rex's real father told Roxy that cameras could "take the soul
away." Sounds cultish, doesn't it?
- Or is the
rumor true that Mitch isn't Rex's father, but rather, someone much
more unlikely is?
- Vanessa
kisses Cris and says, "Words cannot express how I feel." And Cris
replies, "No big deal." This is why Cris is a waste of space. He
is as dumb and unaware as a goldfish.
- There's
Layla, lookin' all hot. She's going on a date, it seems. And...
scene.
 - DANG. Bree
is the latest victim of SORAS - Soap Opera Rapid Aging Syndrome!
And apparently, she is now a total brat.
- Bree
Williamson's performance as Jessica, in her scenes with Mark Lawson,
really impressed me. Today was one of the only days in history that
I found Jessica interesting in her own right. Will it last?
- The
Rex/Shane scenes were delightful - Rex is already one of the best
dads in Llanview.
- The
Christina movie gimmick is lame, but I suppose it's a clever way to
frame an episode. I just thought it was unimaginative.
- I see a
Jared/Natalie wedding on the horizon. I'm telling you, TPTB are
setting up a very complicated custody battle for Bree and/or Hope.
- Ilene
Kristen melted my heart when Roxy heard Shane call her "Grandma."
- The show
has such a warm and fuzzy feeling today!
- But I
rolled my eyes when Brody had to wipe away a tear from this silly
Christina movie.
- Is it me,
or does Vanessa act like she's trying for a threesome with Cris and
Sarah? Put some clothes on, lady.
Wednesday,
12/10
"WE
ALL FALL DOWN"
- Bree is a devil child! And Natalie and Jared excelled at
handling her. I would have sent that girl to her room!
 - The Andrew/Starr scenes were marvelous, and
utilized history so
well with mention of Cassie's son, William.
- How brilliant
was it to show Jessica's reaction to reading about Hope's death in
the paper? Her subconscious mind knows that she is the grieving
mother, not Starr. That was a glimpse of it coming to the surface. Though I must confess, when they first showed Jessica reading that
article, I assumed she was upset because of Tess' complicity in
Marty's situation. But no mention yet of that.
- I wish TPTB
would have hired Scott Clifton to come and play River, then play him
off of Wortham Krimmer.
- I was so mad at
Marty for not going to the funeral - until she showed up, of course.
- The funeral
montage with Starr hugging everyone in slow motion made me cry. I
admit it.
 - WHOAH! Were
you as shocked as I was that Eddie Alderson has morphed into a young
man? He is growing fast. Time to give him a story!
- The direction of this episode was outstanding. The entire cast
was so emotional at that funeral.
- It was
refreshing to see Langston have some darker moments after being so
pouty lately.
- I enjoyed
Wortham Krimmer's appearance as Andrew so much. TPTB would be wise
to keep him around, if only on recurring.
- This episode
was good enough to be submitted for the Emmy.
Thursday 12/11 "SHOULD
I STAY OR SHOULD I GO NOW?"
-
Funny how the Shitsies are always taking their clothes off these
days. Not going to work on me.
- I see TPTB have
decided to turn little Jack into Damien the Antichrist.
 - Wouldn't Moe/Addie
be easier to swallow than Moe/Noelle or Moe/Dorian?
- The John/Cole
hug was so, "aw, shucks."
- I relished the
Andrew/Marty scenes. This is history time, baby!
- Tea's comments about Vanessa being reminiscent of Roseanne were
SO true!
- Isn't it great
how Tea could not care less about what anyone thinks and speaks her
mind?
Friday
12/12 "TRUE LIES"
- The
Dorian/Starr scenes showed that wonderful side of Dorian that we
haven't been privy to in a long time.
- Todd is
breaking Jack's heart. He is truly the worst father in history.
 -
What a shock! The Viki/Sarah scenes were quite good. Strange that
they are giving Justis Bolding scenes with Slezak when she is out
the door.
- Is Tea
working with Vanessa to get Cris to marry her, and to help break up
Cris and Sarah? Think about her actions this week and you tell
me.
- Fierce
Momma Blair rocked me today in the jailhouse scenes with Todd and
Jack.
- Sarah about
Tina: "Sometimes I feel like I'm her mother." That is just sad.
- Viki to
Sarah: "Do you love Cristian?"
- Sarah: "I love him with all my heart."
- Viki: "Yeah, well so did both of my daughters, and look where it
got them!"
- Great
Friday cliffhanger with Tea busting into the courtroom! I can't
wait for the next episode. And I've felt that way for almost two
solid months now. Hallelujah!!!
"Actually didn't the Intruder become the Sun? Todd bought it and
took it over from Dorian. The Intruder hasn't existed since like the
early 90s." - Ted
Indeed, Ted is
correct! The Intruder isn't supposed to exist anymore; in fact, it
is The Sun. I had forgotten all about that, so thanks to Ted for the
head's up. This makes last week's reference by Dorian about how The
Intruder had "gone downhill" rather puzzling. Very strange indeed
that TPTB, Carlivati, and even the actors let this slip through.
"Can I just share
how elated I was that Mark Lawson/Brody is now on the opening
credits? A plea to TPTB - please DO NOT mess this character up with
crappy writing. And although Bree Williamson is a great actress (who
sometimes reads off scripts)...please don't repeat another Nash and
her mess...Lawson has so much potential, in my opinion and only
creating him around Jessica like they did with Forbes March would be
a travesty. Are you with me on this one or do you think I'm hoping
for too much too soon?" - Rebecca
Oh, I'm with
you, big time. I loved their scenes this week, so I'm relieved. But
Forbes March was talented, and Nash still didn't work because
without Tessica he wasn't his own person. We never found anything
out about him other than his vague past with Claudia, which no one
cared about. At least we feel for Brody's war past and the toll it's
taken on him, as well as losing Shane. I think this pair could be
much more successful in that regard. But my concern is that Jessica
is a very boring character who depends solely on her alters to
remain interesting. What happens when she's integrated,
then? Jessica and Brody are bonding over their mental issues, and
it's working quite well. What happens when they're healed? How will
the writers keep them interesting a year from now? That's my
concern.
"Okay, wasn't Todd
able to blackmail her because of her son? Okay, so let me get this
straight: She would not allow her son to be ruined. She protected
him at all cost yet did not consider what HER own suicide might do
to him? So Todd outing her son's past discretions to harm his career
weighed more heavily on Dr. J then the ultimate tragedy of not only
removing herself entirely from his life as probably his main support
system but also leaving her child with an established unstable past
to cope with not just death but the ramifications of suicide?" -
Citizen K
Citizen's
argument makes complete sense. Joplin's suicide might even lead to
her son's past being exposed, if her suicide does in fact become an
integral part of the investigation into Todd's crimes. Clearly,
logic does not usually inform suicide, except in the cases of the
terminally ill or those in severe deteriorated states. One could
reason that Joplin's suicide was not only selfish, but antithetical
to her wishes. But this is a soap, and her suicide was splashy and
soapy and also removes her from the equation as far as Todd's trial
is concerned. They had to get rid of Joplin, otherwise TPTB would
have no way to keep Todd out of jail. Now Janet and Tess are the
only ones who can truly incriminate Todd as first-hand witnesses to
his blackmail and plan to take Starr's baby. The question is, will
she show up? I sure miss her.
"I have watched
OWLTL (One White Life To Live) since 1977 (since I was 6 yrs old).
Anyway, Dorian's home was once indeed Marty's family home. Marty's
aunt owned the house but lost it. Dorian bought it, forcing Marty to
move. If I remember correctly, initially Marty moved in with Cassie
and Andrew Carpenter. So, Marty did indeed once own Dorian's home,
then Dorian lost it and Todd bought it putting it in Starr's name. I
am not even sure Dorian actually owns that estate." - Tina
My, my,
my. Isn't this interesting? I don't remember, but this must have
been Marty's introduction to the show. I remember the Marty/Andrew
story, but back then I was in high school (gulp), and only watched
the show in the summer and on any days off. So my memory is a bit
cloudy!
I can't believe
Todd would own the house. He would have thrown Dorian and her brood
out of there so long ago if that was true. Perhaps Starr is the
legal owner? Dorian sure acts like the house is hers, that's for
sure.
"I can't believe
we finally agree. John and Blair are amazing. I love finally seeing
Blair with a man who treats her with respect and not as a possession
and I love that Blair is finally teaching John to have a little
fun. In his previous relationships he has been so focused on work
that he never got a chance to have fun. I personally think that any
woman who can get John into a color other than black is a woman he
needs to hang on to. John and Blair ROCK!" - Cammie
They continue
to convince as a solid, believable, equal couple; lacking the sexist
overtones that tarnished their previous relationships, specifically,
John/Natalie and Todd/Blair. John and Blair's relationship is doing
a world of good for their individual characters, and I'm both
surprised and delighted by them.
"I do not think
Marty and Blair changed places. Marty's revenge looks interesting
and well-planned. Both Blair and Todd's revenge plans are impulsive
and their plans never work. I am going to guess Marty's will be a
lot more successful if she actually decides to go through with
it. Marty looks much more competent to me at this point not to
mention she is much smarter than either one of them and actually has
a real reason, she was actually much sinned against, and Todd still
does not get it. Todd and Blair's reason for revenge are usually
nonsensical imagined wrongs, I think of Marty's as a form of justice
for her. Not to mention Todd also needs some kind of punishment and
who better to deliver it than Marty? She only seems to be holding
Todd responsible which he should be. I think this will turn out to
be a lesson more than revenge because I have a feeling Marty is
still Marty in the end." - Stacey
I sense some
resentment towards the formerly married Mannings, eh? That's
understandable. I'm not trying to say Marty is evil or anything, but
she really is (understandably) unstable. She is not seeking therapy
or help; she is seeking only revenge. She is hell-bent on it. Where
this is leading, one cannot say. I can't wait to see it unfold. I
do think though, that Blair has matured quite a bit, whereas Marty -
due to her amnesia and what Todd did to her - has regressed. She
will eventually be whole again, I assume, but right now she is in
pieces. Seeking revenge will not make her feel any better.
"I love that the
characters of Blair and John are conducting an age-appropriate
relationship, rather than the clichéd and immature type generally
written for most older couples. It is refreshing to watch and I get
the sense that the actors have a genuine appreciation for the way in
which their characters are being portrayed.... Susan Haskell is
utterly mesmerizing. I sense that she is playing Marty as if the
character's greatest pain comes not from her abuse at Todd's hands,
but from the fact that she is still hopelessly in love with Todd, in
spite of everything. Her desire for revenge stems not from the sins
committed against her but from having had her heart broken." -
Louis
I could not
agree more with both of these statements. Well-said!
"Yesterday I was
watching Keanu McVain's rooftop scene with BLAIR...and there he was,
in all of his black turtleneck, 1980's posing, and mumbling
glory...and I was trying to think of whom he reminded me...and then
it hit me... HE'S A SPROCKET!" - Trevor Fan
For anyone who
remembers the Michael Meyers Saturday Night Live skit Sprockets, I'm
sure you are laughing as hard as I am right now. I would simply
implode with laughter if John McBain morphed into a pansexual German
dancing around and saying "Touch my monkey!" Hah!
That's
it for
this week. Please
send your OLTL thoughts, complaints, suggestions, and desperate
pleas to:
Robert Iger, President of Disney (ABC Parent Company)
robert.a.iger@disney.com
Anne Sweeney, President of ABC
anne.x.sweeney@abc.com
Brian
Frons
brian.fron@abc.com
Until
next time - don't forget to feel the Craze!
Jeremy in Chicago
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LAST WEEKS
COLUMN
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JeremyInChicago@soaptownusa.com
Photos
courtesy of ABCWEBPIX
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