I'm still over the moon about February Sweeps, but this week tried my patience on the way there. I had forgotten how deeply torturous it is to have Stacy Morasco on the show four days a week. It is truly nauseating. I felt like there were endless Stacy/Kim scenes during which the same exact lines were said over and over again ("we've got to get that oxytocin and get this baby out!"). The only reason my blood pressure isn't shooting through the roof is that I am taking great comfort in knowing Stacy will soon perish, thus freeing Kim to be likeable again and ending the worst storyline of Ron Carlivati's tenure (Stacy/Rex/Gigi). But I'm surprised by TPTB's almost obnoxious level of telegraphing her death in their current scripts. True, most soap fans read spoilers online nowadays and therefore know Stacy is going to die. Most, but not all. Yet the business surrounding Stacy's will is so overdone that you'd have to be a multiple-personality, memory-erased heiress not to realize Stacy is at the end of her days. The foreshadowing of her imminent demise is most likely TPTB's way of trying to drum up excitement. They do realize how hated Stacy is. Promoting her death is clever; though at the same time a sign of just how aware TPTB are of the fans' online activities and vocal hatred of Stacy. They might as well go all the way and start advertising her death as a ratings booster. I would. 

But we're not being hit over the head with just one impending death, are we?  Every recent episode seemed to have multiple references to various characters wanting to kill Mitch. These threats range in degree, from the casual (Fish, protecting his possible baby momma/client) to the formal (Rex, trying to get a license for a concealed weapon), to the downright plotting (Dorian and Charlie, actively planning it). Heck, Dorian hasn't even changed clothes for an entire week because she's too busy hanging out in shooting ranges trying to get any old alcoholic off the street to kill Mitch for her (which doesn't really make sense, since any fudged attempt or trail of evidence leading back to her would put her family in danger). Schuyler, Fish, Rex, Charlie, Dorian, Clint, Natalie, John, Brody... all have made threats to Mitch's life. But are TPTB really going to kill him off for a third time, after such a brief return? 

Sadly, though I love Roscoe Born to death, I have found Mitch's return disappointing. There have been gleeful moments (such as Mitch popping out of Jared's coffin). But there have also been so many wasted opportunities and missed beats in his storyline. For instance, there has not been a single Mitch/Roxy scene! We still don't know how or why Rex was conceived. Even without the Rex paternity angle, Roxy has more history with Mitch than any other character on the show aside from Viki and Dorian. What is she, chopped liver?  Ilene Kristen's lack of screen time in this story has been a travesty. What good is Roscoe Born's immense talent when the majority of his scenes are in isolation or with some random day player (Nurse Charles)? 

But my most pointed complaint is that Mitch is being written much too broadly.  It's entirely too reminiscent of this current regime's tragic attempt to revive Carlo Hesser last year. Like Carlo before him, Mitch is being written as a cartoon. While Roscoe Born is still faring much better than Thom Christopher was able to as Carlo, it doesn't diminish the fact that TPTB a) have not explained Mitch's over-the-top omnipotence nor have they explained how he survived his last death and regained his health, b) have not re-integrated him into the cast whatsoever, c) have not shown his cult or revealed his spies, and d) failed to give him a human element. It's almost astonishing that Ron Carlivati and company wanted to bring Mitch/Born back for so long, yet now seem completely unprepared for it and uninspired by it. Though Mitch has always been a sick bastard, I remember a much craftier and more complex villain; someone who was so charismatic and convinced of his own lies that the audience was tempted to love him against their better judgment. That's how I felt about him the last time around. Watching him trick Natalie into marrying him while pretending to be someone else was riveting.  And his courtship of daughter Jessica - while deeply disturbing and incestuous - was equally spellbinding. While Born remains a top level actor, the writers have failed him this time. He is just some Dracula lurking in the shadows and doing dastardly deeds. There is no complexity. There is no storyline arc. There is just plot. And that's not acceptable from a show as good as OLTL. 

The Frank Valentini/Ron Carlivati team has been so innovative in certain ways and yet they continue to make the same mistakes. Plot-driven soaps do not work unless they are equally character-driven. With an actor as strong as Roscoe Born, there is no excuse to lack the character-driven aspect. Being "crazy" is not enough - we need to see why and how Mitch is crazy. The entire essence of Mitch is that he is a cult leader. Cult leaders are extremely charismatic people who inspire followers to do their bidding while masquerading as saviors. This was established so well in OLTL's history with Mitch; now it is completely absent. All of the intrigue and detail in Mitch's return went out the window. Without that, how would a murder mystery matter at all?

Regarding the murder mystery, I think - and hope - it's a red herring. If Mitch is shot and killed on Llantano mountain, then a decent murder mystery could unfold. But the real tragedy would be that this long awaited return was a complete waste of talent and time. Since we know Born is leaving, my hope is that Mitch has to face prison time. That way he can return sporadically and eventually come back. TPTB would be fools to kill Mitch again, and they're already fools for not integrating Mitch into the cast and creating a great umbrella story around him.  Instead, they ushered him back on to make Rex and Jessica related, then ushered him right back off again. We got one scene with Todd, a few with Dorian and Charlie, and several more with Natalie and John. Where were the Mitch/Roxy scenes? What about Mitch/Blair (tons of history there)? What about the gold mine of potential known as Mitch/Tea? They haven't even met! But the biggest waste of all has to be Mitch/Rex. What a huge chance to salvage the Rex character and make him interesting again via a complex father/son relationship.  But how can you have a complex relationship with an evil cartoon? You can't. 

Monday, 1/25

-  I'm going to start off with the Marty/Natalie scenes. To my surprise, I really liked them. As with so many soap triangles, this one's strongest element is between the two women. Neither has chemistry with John/Michael Easton. But today for the very first time, I saw chemistry between the two women. The type of chemistry that can lead to a good cat fight one day. One of my biggest problems with the current writers' handling of Marty is that she isn't used enough as a therapist for other characters. It's a bit absurd that she would find the idea of treating Natalie acceptable (and vice versa). That in and of itself lends credence to Natalie's accusations that Marty is, at least on a subconscious level, being manipulative and controlling. But can you BLAME her? Natalie's husband JUST died, and she's already spent the night with John (not sexual, but still... ).  If their screen time is any indication, John spends a hell of a lot more time with Natalie than he does with Marty, his supposed "girlfriend."

And let's be real and admit that Marty is quite a bit older than Natalie and that has to play a part in psychological worry over one's man. Through in John and Natalie's past, Natalie's immaturity and volatility, and one can understand why Marty may be playing Natalie as close to the vest as possible. Natalie's bitchy attack on Marty was entirely uncalled for though, and Marty's mature handling of Natalie reiterated the big problem with Jolie: Natalie's regression to a childhood level of maturity. But what made these scenes intriguing is that, despite being a complete and utter bitch to Marty, Natalie did hit a nerve and tapped into a deeper truth - which is that John and Natalie have a stronger connection than John and Marty.

Marty senses it and doesn't know what to do about it. But Natalie played her hand by revealing a level of defensiveness toward Marty that made it very clear she wants John back. And as far as I'm concerned, that invalidates her love for Jared and makes Natalie out to be a needy, completely co-dependent slut. I still love her, but the way this triangle is shaping up, I think I'm going to be cheering for Marty. And that's pretty funny, because I can't really stand Marty. But despite the fact that I can't fathom ever liking John/Marty OR John/Natalie, I am interested in exploring the Marty/Natalie dynamic further. And I hope it gets a lot uglier. 

-  Congratulations, Langston: You are officially a soap slut. Why don't you have the decency to break up with Markko before cheating on him, please? And maybe you can wait until after the party he's thrown for you is over.

-  Natalie to Marty: "You are a manipulative bitch." This is when I knew Natalie was protesting too much to Marty's insinuations about her feelings for John. Time to start praying to the Anti-Jolie gods.

-  For once, a John moment I actually liked: When he played his little mind game with Lowell about how Mitch will get rid of him as soon as he's no longer of use, and how Justin (remember Justin?) could be in danger too. Clever.

-  Where is John's lawyer? Of all people, John should no better than to keep yapping away without a lawyer present.

-  Marty to Natalie: "Perhaps you should stay away from him." Ooh, now this is where I started to see a glimmer of Marty's inner bitch. I liked it!

-  But this scene made it very clear that Marty is an adult and Natalie is a child.  I thought Natalie had grown up? I love her being a bitch, but she could handle herself a little bit more intelligently.

-  RED ALERT:  Blair/Ford. Am I the only one who thought they were SMOLDERING together??? I like Blair and Eli okay, but let her have a go at Ford and then tell me what's hot and what's just kind of hot. Here's a scenario: Ford beds Langston. Markko walks in on it. Markko dumps Langston. Langston is devastated and leans on Blair to get her through it. Blair beds Ford. Langston walks in on them. Langston and Blair's relationship is fractured, and Starr is none too pleased either. 

-  Is it me or is Dani getting a little whiney and one-note? I guess that's what happens when you hang out with Starr for a whole week.

-  What the HECK is wrong with this picture: Four TEENAGERS and a baby living in an apartment.... when all of their parents are rich??? If I walked into their apartment, I seriously would be tempted to call child services on Starr and Cole.  That is no place for a baby.

-  I could not BELIEVE it when Blair kissed Ford out of nowhere. That was slutty but HOT!!!

-  I love how Blair figured Ford out as a player and called him out. But you could tell it turned her on. And I'm pretty sure it turned him on, too.

-  Melissa Archer was FIERCE today when Natalie told off Lowell! Wow.

-  Viki/Todd scenes? What a novel idea. Maybe they could have scenes some time other than during a crisis?

-  Blair to Ford:  "You hurt Langston, I hurt you."  LOVE this side of Blair. 

Tuesday, 1/26

-  WTF Alert: Schuyler working out in split screen. WHO CARES?

-  WTF Alert: Kim trying on costumes in a mirror for no reason. WHO CARES?

  WTF Alert: Gigi's hair. It is so ridiculous. It is like a boy's hair cut with a mop hanging off one side in front. She'd look better with a straight-up dude's hair cut (could be hot, actually).

-  All of the shitty couples are on today, even Rachel/Greg!!!  NOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

-  Bo and Nora had tantric floor sex - with clothes on? I guess that's what happens when middle-aged people on soaps have sex.

-  Clint doesn't seem very sexually interested in Kim. Maybe he needs some Viagra?

-  "B.J. Balsom?" Well, that would be a fitting name for Stacy's child.

-  This episode is so boring that it's making me drool. I thought February sweeps were starting?

-  Why is Dumb Ass Rex disrobing in front of Stacy? Dude, that's called a mixed signal. 

-  Even though I wasn't feeling sexual chemistry, I liked the Clint/Kim scenes.  Maybe it's more like father/daughter though, I don't know.

-  Bree: "Grandma, where's my mommy?" Viki: "Which one?" 

-  Bree: "Is Mommy sick again?" Viki: "No, sweetheart - this time she's just having some elective shock therapy to her brain. She'll be back soon, but she won't have the faintest idea who you are."

-  Let's face it. Bree is going to be one MESSED UP human being. They should just let Natalie or someone take custody of her now before it's too late.

-  Gigi/Sky is ruined. It's just... not there anymore. TPTB really screwed that up, but I think I know why...

Wednesday, 1/27

-  Ah, now Marty is in therapy. Now how about that - a Marty scene that's actually ABOUT MARTY???  I think that's a first.

-  I'm not buying this Dorian/Charlie story AT ALL. It's just another example of why I think the current TPTB do not understand Dorian Lord!!! The first thing you have to know about Dorian is that she is freaking smart. Now if she was really worried about her family, the last person she would hire to kill Mitch would be a babbling alcoholic who's married to her worst enemy. What if Charlie gets drunk and misses? What if he fails? What if he succeeds but implicates her? This is yet another story that dumbs Dorian down. If Dorian wanted to put a hit on Mitch, she would do it with a professional. I would have liked to see her call up R.J. for a referral.

-  I'm starting to actively hate Schuyler. His charm and appeal are gone, gone, gone.

-  I love that Clint immediately asked if Charlie had fallen off the wagon. Clint is smart.

-  Natalie and John were talking about the jail guard and how she would obnoxiously and stupidly seduce his keys away (oh, puh-lease) while the guy was sitting five feet away from them! What the hell was that? DUMB.

-  Another dumb thing: Dorian offering Charlie a program from Jared's funeral.  Dorian is not that tacky. And besides, I don't think she attended Jared's funeral.

-  So far, the mighty Mitch Laurence has only one follower (Marcie McBain on the 'roids).

-  OH PUH-LEASE! There is "volcanic ash residue" inside the fibers of the letter that Mitch wrote to Jessica??? This is the big forensic clue? Did anyone else laugh out loud at that stupidity? 

Thursday, 1/28

-  If Kim loves Stacy so much (gag), wouldn't she be at least a little concerned about Stacy taking a dangerous drug to induce early labor? All she cares about is that Stacy gets the baby daddy she wants. How am I supposed to believe that Kim is vulnerable and real around Clint if she is a shallow airhead around her oldest, best friend?

-  But Kim can't hold a candle to the Dumb-Dumb known as Jessica!!! Last week, she couldn't think fast enough to scream or struggle when Marcie McBain on 'Roids injected her with a sedative. This week, she failed to have the sense to go along with Mitch so that she could have eventually won his trust over and escaped. Even after he made it clear there would be tangible consequences, she went on protesting and whining. She should have played along or even pretended that one of her other personalities was out. But alas, Jessica is just not an intelligent girl.

-  What was the point of the Rex/Dorian scenes?

-  Bree Williamson was great during the scenes where Mitch informed Jessica she'd be raising Rex's child. She really should have pretended to turn into Bess or actually tried to let Bess out to deal with Mitch.

-  When Rachel was grilling Gigi about Schuyler, I saw some future story seeds being planted. 

-  OMG Alert: Jessica spitting in Mitch's face. I guess that means it's time for electro-shock therapy.

-  Erika Slezak broke my heart today during the Viki/Charlie scenes. 

-  Crystal Hunt had a kind of good moment today when Stacy got upset about her baby predicament...but this nonsense TPTB is trying to make us swallow (that Stacy is "changed" by the love of her baby) is crap. Not gonna happen.

-  Okay, here's what I think is being set up right now: Sky is in the will as the guardian of Stacy's baby...Stacy dies....Schuyler gets the baby and tells Rex the child is his...Gigi dumps Schuyler...Schuyler moves the baby into his place, where of course, Rachel also lives....Rachel starts to play "mommy" to her new roommate's baby....Kyle tries to convince Fish to have a paternity test done, but Fish doesn't want a kid....Gigi and Rex reunite...Gigi and Rex decide they want to raise Stacy's baby and hire a lawyer....Gigi and Rex's lawyer advises them to get married, which they do....Schuyler hires a lawyer who advises him to get married....Schuyler proposes to Rachel and she says yes....Rachel tries to get Greg to understand, but a furious Greg leaves Llanview...The legal fight begins between Sky/Rachel and Gigi/Rex, and it gets really ugly....Kyle takes it upon himself to run a DNA test....Kyle gets one of the baby's hairs and analyzes it against Fish's....Kyle tells Fish he's a father....Kyle and Fish hire a lawyer and enter the custody battle....Sky has legal claim, Fish has biological claim, and Gigi/Rex have both legal and biological claim. That's the set up I see coming, and I think it sounds pretty good as far as custody battles go.

Friday, 1/29

-  Gawd... MORE scenes today with Stacy going on and on about her stupid baby. When is her last airdate so I can circle it on my calendar and schedule a party?

-  Suddenly Nurse Charles has a conscience?  She sure didn't have any problems shooting Jessica up with drugs.

-  Why don't we just have Marty move in to Todd's house too and officially make it a harem?

-  Eli was really uncouth and foolish in court today - not helping John "Not Upset If I Go To Jail" McBrain.

-  Can Mitch please give Starr some electro-shock therapy and regress her to when she was 8 years old, so that she will be an interesting character again as well?

-  Cole and Starr talking about their baby playing with bubbles...... zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz....

-  I love the idea of Dorian and Charlie kidnapping Stacy. 

-  What is with Brody going psycho in open court? I'm assuming this is all a ruse to bust John out... but how will Brody escape doing jail time for this? 

-  I like the idea of Starr/Dani, but their scenes today were sappy and crappy.  All of their dialogue was about that dumb baby or how Ross taught Dani how to surf. CHEESY.

-  Did Dorian shave her head or something? Is that hat glued to her head?

-  I honestly cannot believe what I'm seeing with Mitch strapping Jessica down for some shock therapy. It's, well... shocking.

-  Note to Stacy: When faking your water breaking, you might want to put some of the water on your pants - not just on the floor. 

-  Mitch screaming:  "I AM THE MESSENGER! I AM BEING GUIDED BY A HIGHER POWER!!!," etc. Once again, Roscoe Born is RIVETING, but the writing is just treating Mitch like a monster. Could we maybe have seen Mitch coming up with this plan, it would be far creepier, and maybe just a little bit human.

-  I'm assuming the gunshot to John is a fake. The way John fell was pretty ridiculous. Definitely not fit for the Emmy reel. I'm very confused by the writing here as well. I guess I'll have to wait until next week to see how John and Brody think they are going to get away with any of this and not do jail time.