But the worst thing about John McBain isn't his awful problem connecting with women; it's his dishonesty about it. John never communicates with his women on a deep level. He listens to them pour their hearts out, and then shrugs his shoulders and pulls them into a kiss (if they're "lucky"). He doesn't respect women as equals. If he did, he would flat-out tell them what he is about. He'd say, "I care about you as a friend, and I am attracted to you. I'd like to hang out and have beer, pizza, and sex.  But please don't ask me to feel anything beyond that, and don't take it personally because it's just not me. I don't want an intense emotional relationship. I just want to be casual."  John leads women like Marty on, letting them create their own reality with him, until he inevitably shatters that reality when he's finally asked to return that intangible love which he has never felt for anyone other than his father and supposedly the long deceased Caitlin - though I don't know if I believe that he really loved even her.  The presence of a leading male character like John on a soap is inexplicable and will remain one of life's great mysteries (why would a soap want a leading man incapable of romance?). But if the writers at least allowed John to boldly be the way he is, rather than cowardly avoid direct and honest communication on an adult level, maybe it wouldn't be such a disaster.   

For my money, John and Natalie were the worst couple in the history of One Life to Live. That they developed a rabidly cult-like sect of fans whose obsessive cruelty on message boards and the like borders on legendary, continues to baffle. But I believe the Jolie craze was intrinsic to John's affair with Evangeline, which spiraled into a racially charged war between fan bases. Not being a fan of John myself, I was mildly surprised that John and Evangeline, as screen partners, didn't bore me. In fact, I thought they were watchable together. That was nothing short of a miracle for Michael Easton's John, who seemed to literally suck out the spark from every female whose path he crossed, including Melissa Archer.  Easton and Renee Goldsberry worked fine together, though I certainly didn't think John/Evangeline was any great romance.  They worked precisely because they were having a hot sexual affair, which didn't force John into the romantic role he refuses to play (until Evangeline, like all of John's women, wanted more from him than he was capable of giving). Still, I received loads of hate mail and threats just for preferring John with Evangeline over Natalie. I suppose my utter dread of a Jolie reunion has almost as much to do with their fans as it does with their soul-sucking, shmacting screen time. 

So I find myself needing to write this column, despite my preference not to receive hate mail (though sometimes it's funny stuff) and my fear that bringing focus to Jolie might only make the problem worse. My reservations are overpowered by my need to remind everyone (and especially TPTB) of why any attempt at another round of Jolie would be the worst thing that could possibly happen to this show. In order to do that, we have to look at each character separately as well as together. 

First, Natalie. My relationship with Natalie has been very rocky. When she arrived in Llanview, I thought, "Who is this strange, bug-eyed day player?" But as her screen time increased and her stalker ways became more apparent, she started to intrigue and excite me. By the time she (along with my favorite nutcase, Allison Perkins) delivered the bombshell that she and Jessica had been switched at birth, I was a bonafide Natalie fan. Those first couple of years were the best. Natalie was the next generation's answer to Dorian - or so I thought. True, she turned out to be Jessica's twin, but here we had a fiery red head primed to be Jessica's worst enemy despite a familial connection. OLTL needed the next Viki and Dorian, and I thought they had it in Erin Torpey's Jessica and Melissa Archer's Natalie. This explains my wild enthusiasm about the sisters' reignited feud earlier this year, which was inexplicably dumped in favor of quick mutual forgiveness that wreaked of a scrambled re-write. But I digress.

Natalie was sadly turned into a goody two-shoes and paired with David Fumero's Cristian. Nat and Cris were boring, but not really offensive. They were just... standard. Through the course of their relationship, my love affair with Natalie deadened. She had turned into Jessica #2. I never cared for Jessica #1 much, and could not conceive of why Viki needed to have two boring daughters instead of one boring one and one hellaciously bitchy one. But every time Natalie faced a hardship, such as the "death" of her husband Cristian or a run-in with Jen Rappaport, her bitchy side came out and kept me loyal to her. But no fear; John McBain was here. Natalie was paired with John and also had a triangle with John and Cris, which was pretty lame except for when Cris was programmed by Carlo Hesser and had a brief spurt of being an interesting character. But Natalie wound up with John. I believe John was conceived as this dark, brooding character, who would have complimented Natalie's own dark side. But apparently Michael Easton and TPTB thought "dark and brooding" meant wearing black every day and being indifferent toward women. 

John and Natalie started off as friends, and they were acceptable in that regard.  Pool and beer - that's swell but not particularly romantic. There wasn't any chemistry beyond being "buddies", but back then OLTL was full of chemistry-devoid couples and was pretty much a shit-stinker of a show.  What was one more crappy couple, then?  Well, I'll tell you: The humiliation and destruction of a woman, if not all womankind! John and Natalie's time together devolved into some of the most shockingly sexist, difficult viewing in my 20 years of watching soaps. John began treating Natalie like his kid sister, talking down to her and scolding her at every turn.  Natalie morphed into a doe-eyed, whiny brat who pouted yet put up with John's flat-out abuse of her. John was portrayed as Natalie's guardian, and she was the disobedient ward. As a romantic couple, they were incestuous and sickening. As the months dragged on and on, Michael Easton began rolling his eyes during their scenes together, as John seemed to literally despise his own girlfriend. Yet she stuck around. Was this really love in the afternoon? No, it was more like abuse in the afternoon. 

Jolie was by no means the only horrible couple in OLTL's history. There have been many. Jessica and Antonio, check. Cristian and Evangeline, check. Rex and Adriana, check. But John and Natalie take the cake (okay, maybe tied with Cris and Evangeline!). They were the antithesis of a believable, compelling love story. It's one thing to pair two actors who seem to hate being in scenes together and lack any semblance of chemistry. But it's another thing entirely to even consider doing it again, years after scrapping them and salvaging their characters from ruination.

You see, John and Natalie have been saved since their break up. Though John is still an ill-conceived, ill-executed, useless soap character, at least he's not abusing any women (unless you count the way he spat Blair out... and I'm sure Marty will be next). But Natalie has risen from the ashes of abuse and ugliness. Enter Jared Banks. By no means a great character in his own right, nor played by a great actor necessarily, Jared somehow clicked perfectly with Natalie nonetheless.  In fact, Jared is almost an exact parallel of Nat.  They both came onto the canvas seeking revenge against those who would eventually become their most cherished loved ones. They have had times of great storyline (being locked in the secret room, Nash's death) and they have had times of being on the back-burner (the past several months). Their true potential has never been reached, because TPTB wouldn't let them go full-steam into a feud with the terminally insane Jessica, whose daughter should have been handed over to Natalie and Jared long ago.  TPTB chickened out.

Now Jared is being written off the show, leaving Natalie alone once again, and leaving Brian Kerwin's Charlie with even less to do and less connection to the canvas. Like I said, Brotherton has never really riveted me in any way, but he does have chemistry with Archer. Nat and Jared worked very well as a couple. They had oodles of unexplored storyline potential. Now it's all thrown out the window, and even before it's played out on our screens, John has been inserted between them. 

Ah, John McBain. Here's the simple truth: John doesn't work in love stories or really with women at all outside of saving them from some kind of danger. That much I know is true. I've been watching this man for what seems like an eternity, and I can emphatically insist that he has no chemistry with females. He does, however, work just fine in his scenes and storylines with Bo, Fish, David... that is, men.  His rivalry with Todd was entertaining.  Surprisingly, his recent pairing with Blair worked, probably because (like Evangeline at first) they were friends who had a sexual connection, and there were no greater expectations. But Blair and John were another aborted success, just like John and Evangeline before them. It could have worked much better if the writers had given John/Blair the time of day, but they refused. Both characters suffered the hell of being thrust back into the deadening voids of their entanglements with Marty and Todd. I think the reason John and Blair worked is precisely because they weren't in love with one another. John can only succeed in a couple if romantic love is not involved. But Marty is in love with John, and already it's becoming painful to watch.  Beyond the obvious lack of chemistry, it's painful because for the thousandth time, McBain is shown in scenes with his love interest, coming across as vaguely disinterested, bored, barren of passion, and quasi-asexual. Marty has to actually show up on his doorstep and offer her body to him in order to spend any time with him. After one roll in the hay, John is already too busy with his work (i.e., breaking up Natalie and Jared) to spend any time with her. Marty truly would have been much happier with her rapist than with a disinterested zombie, methinks. At least her rapist had the kind of passion for her that she will never find with John.  Poor Marty. And poor Susan Haskell.   

I don't really care what happens to John. I think if he was written off the show, it would be an amazing thing for the female characters on the canvas. But I know that won't happen so I have to focus on saving Natalie. I've invested a lot in this character over the years, and I've watched countless head writers screw her up and ruin what works for her - and that's fiery, bitchy, bad ass Natalie. That red-headed flame of Natalie's is extinguished by the presence of John McBain, whose black, cavernous emptiness makes every woman ask the question, "Why doesn't he love me?" And when faced with that question, what is John's response? He grabs them by the hair, tosses them on his stinky, unwashed sheets, and has a quick five-minute round of black tank top-wearing sex before setting out to save someone else. John McBain doesn't know why he can't love, and I for one have no desire to watch him and his demons try to figure it out ever again.   

Keep Natalie far, far away from John McBain's boring old bed. A Jolie reunion would ruin this show. Mark my words!      

 
Monday, 9/21:  "BREAK ON THROUGH TO THE OTHER SIDE"

- 4 out of 5 times we see Schuyler, he is jogging. Enough, already.

-  If Shaun wakes up, I hope he is more like the diabolical, vengeful version Greg is dreaming up. But actually, I'm starting to have fantasies of Greg, Shaun, and Rachel all disappearing for good. They are a snoozefest of mediocrity.

-  Bo needs to start dating someone. I'm all about Bo/Nora, but he can't just sit around pining after her. Bo needs to get laid just like everyone else, and for the life of me I don't know why TPTB have not gotten him good and drunk and into Roxy's bed. That would be hilarious. Or perhaps he can go on a date or two with NuHippyCarlotta. 

-  Tea is really training Todd, isn't she? I bet they have some really rough, kinky sex. I could see Tea as a dominatrix, actually. She is not to be messed with. Todd reacts to Blair screwing a guy in front of his kids, and Tea gives him the ring back. Dang.

-  Seriously with an entire episode full of Greg having conversations with a pretend version of Shaun? I think we understand how Greg feels about the surgery - this was major overkill, and further highlighted some highly questionable acting.

-  I am kind of impressed with Gigi's rare (for soaps) ability to think ahead several months and understand the consequences of what is happening now between her and Rex, psychologically speaking. Now she just has to do something about it. Time to dump Rex, honey. He knocked up your sister. There is no coming back from that.

-  Ugh.  How many times can Fantasy Coma Shaun reappear over Greg's other shoulder? How utterly absurd. Were these scenes meant to be camp, or were they supposed to be serious?

-  I'm starting to enjoy Michael Lowry quite a bit. I didn't like his Ross at first but now I'm seeing a lot of potential for a type of male character we don't have on the show. Someone brazenly sexual, forward, bold, confidant, and able to be both sensitive and scheming. And actually, he's the perfect match for Blair. He's basically a male version of Blair, only less pathetic.

-  Where the hell does Bo live?  For a long time it seemed like he had moved into the mansion. Is he back at his old apartment now?

-  Rex's marriage proposal was so lame and desperate. 

Tuesday, Sept. 22:  "EVERYBODY, LIMBO"

-  Stacy doesn't know what flatulence is?  Honey, look in the mirror.

-  Why is Jared so frustrated? I am anxious to learn what is really going on with him. And I'm pissed that I know he's leaving the show now, because it detracts from the mystery of the story a bit.

I'm not even going to say his name, but I saw some of the worst acting in the history of One Life to Live today. OLTL is hiring a lot of big name, expensive actors, and they're going to have to fire some people. I think there are some very obvious choices, which unfortunately will hurt the show's newfound diversity in more ways than one... but it has to be done. Time to wake up and smell the bad acting, TPTB.

-  I love Kim's idea of her and Stacy moving to L.A. That's definitely where they belong. 

-  Okay, so for the last several weeks, Stacy was willing and happy to screw any man she could to try to get pregnant. Now all of a sudden, she wants to give up her entire plan? The writing makes no sense and is a huge waste of my time.  Watching characters I have no care or interest in run around in mental circles does not a soap opera make.

-  Please excuse the political incorrectness, but I have to ask: Is Greg retarded?  He suddenly has the maturity and thought process of a five year old. If I have to sit through any more voice cracks, lip trembles, fake sniffles, or whiney mea culpas, I will seriously go into a coma myself.

-  When Kim and Stacy were walking through the forest or wherever the hell they were, I started fantasizing that wild animals would spring out from behind the trees and maul them to death.

-  I think Kim is a man.  I really do.

-  As much as I hate John, it's obvious that Jared is hiding something.

Wednesday, 9/23:  "FATHERS AND SONS"

-  The scenes between David and Matthew were hilarious. Now that the reality TV crap is over, David is immensely enjoyable again. His wanting to play Matthew in a movie was beyond hysterical.

-  Dorian Cramer Lord - Yes She Can! What an inspired piece of work from the scenery people. Bravo!

-  How stupid is Blair to give Dorian all of the information about Ross and Tea? I guess I know Dorian better than Blair does, because I knew right away how she would use this information to screw up Blair's plan.

-  I could watch Viki/Tea scenes all day long and never get bored. 

-  Jack Manning is the best child character I can ever remember on a soap. He is just golden. Carmen LoPorto is a little genius in the making. Jack is like a little Todd and a little David Vickers combined, with hints of Dorian. When Todd asked Jack to be his best man, I melted a little. And how significant that Todd literally has no other male in his life that he could ask to be his best man. Sad.

-  I wish I could reach into the screen and murder Markko's father. He is a waste of humanity, a close-minded bigot who represents everything that is wrong with our society and the misguided term, "family values." Not to mention he's a wretched father and husband. Scary!

-  Maybe Mr. Rivera and Mr. Fish can get together and talk about how much they hate gay people and pre-marital sex? Just imagine if Markko was the one coming out of the closet. I don't think Mr. Rivera would have invited him to dinner at the end of the episode if Marrko's significant other was Cole instead of Langston.

-  Scott Evans needs to stop with the pouty, fake emoting. When he relaxes his face and just speaks honestly, he's okay. But he tends to contort his face in this ugly grimace to show that he's feeling something, and it's extremely off-putting.  Where are the directors???

-  I realized watching this episode that Ron Carlivati had made conservative, religious types the bad guys in Llanview. That suits me just fine, but I wonder about other portions of the OLTL audience? Pretty risky and bold, if you ask me. You have to give props to the man's gumption.

-  Thank you writers, for letting Bo bring Drew's memory into the Matthew situation. Now that Greg is having a meltdown, I'm having very strong second thoughts about siding with Matthew in the surgery debate.

-  Markko and Fish should become friends and bond over their family situations.

-  Jack blackmailing Blair was just genius. Jack Manning is the biggest diva in Llanview! Watch out, Aunt Dorian!

-  I was shocked that the Fishes came back to say goodbye to Oliver. I must say, the man playing Mr. Fish is an outstanding actor. Even though his character is a jackass, having a great actor in the role helps so much to not dismiss him out of hand. Mrs. Fish... not such a good actor, but at least she brought emotional honesty to the table.

-  When Oliver went to hug Mr. Fish, his homophobic repulsion of his own son was shattering and heartbreaking.

Today was the first time I saw that making David into Bo's son might have been a great idea. I've hated it from day one, but the scenes today between Tuc Watkins and Bob Woods were utter magic. Bob Woods is turning into my favorite actor on the show lately. He has such a rich emotional connection to all of his scene partners, male or female. His scenes with David, Matthew, and Rex are so tender and loving, yet filled with colors of exasperation and humor. And Tuc Watkins is just as brilliant as ever. If Carlivati keeps writing Bo and David like he did today, I'm 100% in.

-  David:  "You try to be a good dad. Sometimes you're very bad at it." Hah, hah.

  Okay, this is where I'm supposed to congratulate Mr. Rivera for showing up on Markko's doorstep to invite him to dinner. But it's hard to feel happy for the man's change of heart when it seems to me he is only trying to save his marriage.

-  Why the hell did they bother making Brian Kerwin come to work today? He just stood there while Viki talked to people, and had like one line. I don't get why they under use him so badly. Do you?

-  This was a very, very good episode that perfectly matched it's title and brought emotional depth and honesty into play. 

Thursday, 9/24:  "RATED EX"

-  That title means John and Natalie, and my barf button is already about to be pressed.

-  Well how about this - Jared and Charlie scenes. What a novel concept. Too little, too late.

-  Oh, oh, oh.  I'm hesitant to say what I'm really thinking after seeing today's scenes between Dorian and Ross. First of all, Robin Strasser is in amazing form and not only acting her pants off as usual, but looking mighty sexy. Half-naked Ross seems to titillate Dorian more than I would have thought, and I am seeing some MAJOR sparks, folks. Now I think Ross/Blair has a lot of potential, but Dorian and Ross almost set the cabana on fire without even trying. The way Dorian slid her hand up Ross' leg while threatening him at the same time was really hot.

-  How in the world does Cole get to live in a huge apartment like that when he barely made it out of high school and barely managed to avoid prison? Talk about spoiled!

-  Marty was obviously a little jealous when she heard about Todd marrying Tea.  Poor Marty. 

-  I can't believe Blair is flat-out lying to Starr about her intentions where the wedding is concerned. She's only going to be caught in the lie in a few hours, and she's setting herself up for her daughter to think badly of her. What a crappy mom.

-  The idea for Dorian to pay off Ross to seduce Blair is GENIUS! Classic soap, and classic Dorian!

-  I hate when a character (Tea) tries to tell a secret and the other person (Todd) won't listen. That's such a lame writing trick. And why would Todd refuse to hear her secret? 

-  Dorian:  "She usually goes for your type - feral and felonious."  Great line.

-  John is being such an asshole. If he is suspicious of Jared, why must he bring it up to Natalie and mess with her mind? He is trying to cause trouble instead of just doing his damn job. 

Friday, Sept. 25:  "THE WEDDING STINGER"

-  The Dorian/David scenes were glorious. Dorian kept snapping in his face every time she needed a question answered!  "Three ways to destroy Viki - go!" And David's long-standing belief that he could bed Viki despite her constant rejections of him is truly hilarious.

-  Why does Jack have to wear a tux to the wedding when Todd is wearing a freakin' t-shirt? What the hell is that, costume department? Don't you think Tea would nix that awful idea? Yeah, she would.

-  John keeps liquor in his desk at work!?!? I love it!

-  Okay, there were THREE flashbacks from yesterday's episode in the first ten minutes today. There is no excuse for that.

-  You could see from Erika Slezak's sublime acting that Viki knows Tea is lying about having come clean with Todd.

-  I think Slezak looks so luminously beautiful lately, and I think she should actually continue to grow her hair out. I know that seems odd since it's always been short, but I just have a feeling it would be really interesting.

-  If David is so concerned with having an endless supply of liquor at his disposal, how come he is never drunk?

-  I don't want to say anything offensive about a child, but seriously - what is wrong with Sam? He scares me. Is it because Margaret Cochran was his mother?  The kid seems possessed.

-  Carmen LoPorto needs an Emmy - stat! The kid can out act the entire Evans family put together!

-  Here's me being fair: I loved the Fish/John scenes. Fish stinks with Kyle and in the high drama category. John stinks with Marty and Natalie and any romantic situation, really, but works fine in the police stories and with his buddies. Fish and John could have a nice friendship and solve cases together (and apparently, get drunk at work). It's too bad John's not gay, because Fish and John have more chemistry than Fish/Kyle or John/females.

-  Does Layla have a job? No. Does Cris? Not really. So... does Fish pay their rent?

-  Viki: "What do you like about Tea?" Jack" "Well... she's cool. She likes pro wrestling. Oh - and she wears black panties." Oh. My. God. I almost fell out of my chair. OLTL is the funniest show on television, I swear.

-  Along the same lines, when David starting to snore, "boooooooooring...." while Dorian described the Blair/Ross situation, I guffawed. 

-  Also, David once again pronouncing Adriana's name as "Aye-dree-aye-nah."  Oh, how I missed that.

-  Melissa Archer is playing like Natalie knows deep down something is wrong with Jared. Why doesn't she ask him?

-  David eating that sandwich as big as his head and also licking his arm in the background - LOL!

-  Great "will they or won't they" cliffhanger!

 

**MAIL REPORT**

"I was shocked when Dr. Greg FREAAAKED out about Shaun. I mean, he's supposed to be this super arrogant, control freak, brilliant surgeon, right? Yet he crumbled like the proverbial cookie, and I mean CRUMBLED! That acting stunk!  It was really funny. I kept waiting for him to fall to the floor, shake his fist at the sky and scream "WHHYYYYYYYYYYY????"  - Maya

I blame the actor but also the directors. They let him be that over the top. And Maya is right - Greg would not be this overtly hyperemotional. Where is the control freak he is written as?  It's just all kinds of wrong. At this point, I am predicting a whirlwind romance for Greg and Rachel which takes them out of town in less than a year. 

"Can someone please slap Greg Evans? Are the writers saying he's never had this happen to him before? If this is how he reacts to one surgery gone bad then I'd hate to see him to actually losing someone on the table. Maybe him not doing the surgery on Matthew is a good thing and they can bring in someone else."  - Nic

Ya think? I wouldn't be letting Tornado Tillford - er, I mean, Dr. Evans - anywhere near my brain! Even though I could use some brain surgery since watching the Stacy and Kim scenes has caused me permanent brain damage!

"Thanks for the great blog this week. I don't always see things your way, but you are spot on this week with Dr. Greg's "Schmacting 101". But you are right that he is committed. And Destiny totally moved beyond line reading and did some genuine acting. I am a huge Brody/Jessica fan and I know you've complained that they have been generic and boring as of late. You are so right that the post-impaling ER scene is exactly what soaps should be - raw human emotion between characters who love each other and aren't lying, cheating, pretending to be someone else, etc. I hope TPTB don't send them into happy couple oblivion, or turn Brody into the too-perfect transition boyfriend who gets killed off or dumped to make way for someone more interesting. Here's hoping the stalker/Mitch storyline will give these crazy kids a good jolt of drama! They should be OLTL's super couple, and maybe in the process Jared and Natalie will get interesting again."  - Tessa

It looks like Jared and Natalie ARE getting interesting again - if you consider the show firing Jared Brotherton interesting. All it does for me is signal the Great Red Warning Flag that reads:  Not Jolie Again!!!

"I like Kyle with Nick. I'm just hoping they keep Nick. I have to say I was a little surprised that they went for that kiss. I am going to hate it when TPTB put Fish in there. They need to have him deal with how the cops are going to act and leave poor Kyle alone."  - Larry

I like Kyle and Fish as friends. But if TPTB wanted us to be rooting for them to be romantic together, why on earth did create Nick? Nick isn't some fly-by-night gay floozy seeking to make Fish jealous. He's a genuine guy with real feelings for Kyle.  And I'm sorry but Nick and Kyle together are hot. Kyle and Fish? Not. I agree that Fish plays very well into the cop stories but I just have no desire to see him in a serious romance.  Kyle is a serious romantic type who needs a deep love story.  Fish is quirkily and comedic but for me, that's all he is. I'm all about Kick!

"Enjoyed reading your column today. I know you are excited about Mitch Laurence's return. I think he's been raised from the dead enough times. I would have liked to see Peter Manning as Rex's father. This would have given Todd the chance to face his abuser as an adult. Maybe he would have been able to rid himself of some of those demons that haunt him. Making Rex and Todd brothers (maybe Schuyler would be another brother) would have had Rex wondering about his actions when he lied to Todd about his son being dead. To be honest, Rex is currently being written as an escapee from The Village of Idiots and I sometimes feel he needs to be sent back home. The Stacy storyline is vomit inducing and made worse by the actress.  If they are going to stuff this S/L down our throats they should at least do a recast. I too like Nick and Kyle (Kick) more than Kyle and Fish (Kish). There is more chemistry there and I'd like them to remain a couple. Maybe they should give Fish and John a try, since John can't seem to commit to any woman."  - Starlett

I wrote about Peter Manning being Rex's dad a long time ago. I absolutely agree with Starlett that Peter Manning would have been the best storyline option, bar none. The character of Rex needs saving - big time. Rex would have been related to Todd (Todd father is Victor but Peter was his uncle), and it would have been a great storyline for Trevor St. John as well. Todd could have faced his childhood perhaps with Marty as his therapist. And if they got a great actor to play Peter, they could have used the character across the canvas. I also think Spencer would have been a decent option, especially since it would have gotten Lindsay out of jail. I'm a bit torn about Mitch. I see huge potential in the storyline. And Ron Carlivati wanted to do this story almost two years ago, so I think he'll put a lot of passion into it.  I think it will be great. But I could also see it failing. When I look at the returns of Carlo Hesser and Tina Lord last year, I worry. Mitch and Allison are two of my favorite bad guys in the show's history, so I have high standards. 

As for Fish and John, I think they are soul mates. John is the gayest character in soap opera history, and he has more chemistry with Fish than he does with Marty or Natalie - that's for damn sure. I wouldn't be keen on watching any Fish/John love scenes, but then again, I have no interest in watching either character in a love story. They both work outside of love stories well, and that's why they'd make the perfect couple. Their love life could take place mostly off-screen while they become the gay crime fighters of Llanview. 

"I have a question for you. Soaps are in trouble, the audience has eroded. The Marty/ Todd reveal was the best rated OLTL show in 2008 not to mention almost caught B&B. OLTL during the story won its time slot on a weekly basis. The shows know which stories are working and those that are not (as provided by Nielsen).  Why would you back burner your strongest actress (Haskell) that can actually draw an audience and put your strongest actor (St.John) in a retread of one of your less successful stories? Why are you focusing on younger cast members who cannot act? Why are you not writing stories just because your last one that you wrote stirred up controversy? Do they want to keep this show on the air? Days of Our Lives, a show which I do not particularly enjoy, managed to get rid of its dead weight and now leads the time slot. Why is the focus on OLTL on a character that hardly says a word?  Cut your losses with John McBain/Natalie/Jared already. I am sorry, I am just so bored with the show right now."  - Stacey

Don't get me started on Todd/Marty. Oops, too late! That was by far (by WAY far) Ron Carlivati's best storyline so far. Nothing else he's done comes close, though Viki/Charlie is up there (but look at them now - Charlie is nothing more than Viki's shadow). The show's axing of the Todd/Marty storyline wreaked of creative bankruptcy and corporate overloading of story. I feel so badly for Susan Haskell.  They used her amazing talents for six months, then destroyed the character of Marty when they had her cheer Todd on to attempted suicide.  By the time she got her memory back, she was in storyline limbo. Then TPTB mysteriously forced Haskell to play a sexually frigid Marty who was still hung up on Todd, only to have it resolved with one puny hour of therapy. Let me be clear: Ron does not know how to write for Marty. He knew how to use Marty so long as she had amnesia.  But now she's in this character hell of having scenes with Brandon Buddy and Michael Easton, neither of whom has sufficient chemistry with her. It actually makes me uncomfortable to watch what they've done to Marty and Haskell. Then again, I never liked Marty much in the first place. The rapemance was the most I ever liked her, actually. But Haskell's talent is unequaled and TPTB screwed her over.  Frankly, if it wasn't for her being our best hope of avoiding another round of Jolie, I'd say there is really no point to Marty being on the show anymore. 

"Did you catch Marty's reaction to Tea and Todd's wedding? Did you also get the sense that she was the teensiest bit hurt by it? I love that Susan Haskell let us know with her face and body language that Marty's feelings for Todd are as complex and conflicted as ever."  - Krista

Marty has more chemistry with the thought of Todd than she does with John when he's in her arms. I love Todd/Tea, but I grieve for Todd/Marty every day. 

That's it for this week.  Please send your OLTL thoughts, complaints, suggestions, and desperate pleas to:

Robert Iger, President of Disney (ABC Parent Company)
robert.a.iger@disney.com

Anne Sweeney, President of Disney-ABC
anne.x.sweeney@abc.com

Brian Frons, ABC Daytime President
500 S. Buena Vista St.
Burbank, CA 91521-4551
Brian.Frons@abc.com

Frank Valentini (Executive Producer)
C/O One Life to Live ABC Daytime
77 West 66th Street
New York, NY 10023
frank.valentini@abc.com

Ron Carlivati (Head Writer)
C/O One Life to Live ABC Daytime
77 West 66th Street
New York, NY 10023
rcarlivati@yahoo.com

ABC Comment Line: 323-671-4583

OLTL Viewer Comment Line: 212-456-3338

ABC Daytime Feedback Line: 212-456-7777

Thanks for reading, and don't forget to e-mail me.  PLEASE include your name or an alias in case I choose to print your comments!

 

 

Until next time - don't forget to feel the Craze! 

Jeremy in Chicago