UPDATED 8-4-08

CRAZE

A Mendorra-Sized Migraine

Greetings. I received some interesting mail this week. It seems my readers are split right down the middle, with many of you agreeing that the show is extremely boring right now, and the rest of you maintaining that you're satisfied with the stories Ron Carlivati is telling. I envy the latter group. My general boredom continued this week, with only the Todd/Marty/John/Blair stuff holding my interest. I feel that much of the show is an embarrassment to the soap opera genre - especially the Mendorra storyline. It is one of the worst things I've ever seen on OLTL, rivaling the awfulness of the OPP and the Santis. Interesting that the Vegas have been at the center of most of the worst storylines in recent history, isn't it?
It's too bad that in the case of Mendorra, the Vegas are not even the worst aspect of the plot. They are matched by everyone else in that group, with some of the worst ensemble acting I have ever witnessed in my life. Even the much-heralded returns of Andrea Evans and Thom Christopher have proven to be nothing more than opportunities for further displays of the type of acting that has given soap operas a bad name over the years. Clearly, these two amazing veteran performers should be above the fray. It just goes to show you that when the writing and directing both suck, the acting becomes passable at best. The emotional inconsistencies on display (for instance, Tina and Cris both acting relatively unphased by Sarah's supposed death, and Talia acting more annoyed than desperate about marrying Jonas), along with the horrendous dialogue ("Bite me") and galaxy-sized plot holes (a royal wedding with no pre-nups or blood tests or paperwork), add up to a story so bad that it's not even good. Rarely have I been so ashamed to be a fan of One Life to Live as I am when the Mendorra business is airing. It has me grimacing in humiliation.

And I'm sorry, because I know many of you are enjoying it (and I'm glad for that), but the 1968 story continues to perplex and irritate me. There is potential in it, and yes - Bo and Rex are always great together. But as with the Mendorra atrocity, here we have nonsensical choices abounding - especially in the casting. Robert Woods' real-life spouse, Loyita Chapel (who also plays Dallas), looks to be in her late 40's or around 50. Yet she's been cast as Renee Devine in the year 1968. Simply put, that means Renee Devine in present-day Llanview is about 90 years old. And that is not only a slap in the face to Patricia Elliot, but also to our intelligence. I realize that soaps can't be scrutinized at the same level of reality as prime time or film.  A certain amount of unbelievability is inherent in the genre. But when the unbelievability is so severe that it distracts the viewer from investing in storylines, it's a problem. And that is exactly what's been happening for me with this time travel story. All I could think about in these scenes is how old Renee must be - nearly a century old! It's absurd. There isn't enough substance (if there is any at all!) in the time travel story to hold my attention to begin with, so for TPTB to miscast its historical characters so badly is really mystifying. Kathy Brier should have been cast as Renee, as she is around the appropriate age of 30. It would have made more sense and been more entertaining to see Bo and Rex interacting with a familiar face as Renee. But because Brier is full-figured, she probably wasn't even considered to play Renee. Too bad.    

The big news this week is the hiring of A. Martinez in a contract role. I am withholding judgment on this news because, quite frankly, I thought he was terribly boring as Roy on General Hospital. I do hope though that his character's debut is just the beginning of the long-rumored new Hispanic family set to populate Llanview, and the phasing out of the Vegas (something I've been praying for years). With the burning down of the diner, my hopes are higher than ever that the Vega boys will soon disappear from my screen. At least Ron Carlivati has the sense to limit their screen time and use them as supporting players/props. It's easy to assume that Martinez' character will be connected to the Vegas (some are proposing he turn out to be the real father of the Vega boys, which is absurd if you think about it)... but I suspect he is being brought on to interact with two much younger characters who are in DESPERATE need of a storyline of their own. 

Monday, 7/28

-  It wasn't storming during Todd and Marty's conversation last Friday, but now suddenly, it is?
-  Love how Viki started fixing her hair and pulling out her tubes when Charlie came into her hospital room.
-  Thank goodness Addie can still be serious once in awhile.
-  When Marty remembers her rape, how are TPTB going to address the fact that Todd HAD A DIFFERENT FACE when he raped her? She could remember the face of her rapist and have no idea it's Todd. He had extensive plastic surgery, remember???
-  Why did the busboy at the diner have matches in his pocket? Isn't it a non-smoking restaurant? I don't see any candles. 

Tuesday, 7/29

-  The post-coital John/Blair scenes were very good. Blair needs to get used to John's lack of interest in "girl talk" right away. 
-  Asa kept Olympia locked up in her room? News to me!
-  Why is Gigi so annoying lately? 
-  And while I like Brody (the actor), why is he asking Gigi out on a date just days after she told him she doesn't like him like that?
-  When Brody came on the scene, he was having sex with hookers and getting into bar fights... now he just whines about Gigi.  Zzzzzzz.
-  Carlo would never order Jonas to kill Antonio!!!! Who is writing this crap? Carlo would either kill Antonio himself or keep him alive to use as leverage. Their history is too personal to let some flunky resolve it.
-  Okay, it seems Marty officially has a crush on Todd. Weird - but undeniably electric.
-  In fact, I'm kind of falling in love with Marty. Her vulnerability and sincerity are touching me. Thank GOD TPTB brought Susan Haskell back because Christina Chambers playing this story would NEVER work.
-  I know I'm sounding like a broken record, but the chemistry between Haskell and Trevor St. John is freaking hot.
-  I'm sick of watching one long-standing cast member point his finger and shout and quiver his lip and raise his eyebrow. The man needs to look up subtlety in the dictionary, and graduate from the John Black School of Crappy Acting already!
-  The Carlo/Talia scenes are so awful. He's a monstrous one-dimensional cartoon, and she's a disinterested waste of space.
-  Why do Clint and Bo never talk about their crazy mother?

Wednesday, 7/30

-  So...Rex's cell phone traveled with him back to 1968... and can call the future.  And yet, Chuck III found Rex's cell phone in the present day and talked to Gigi on it. So...there are actually two cell phones which are the same, one in the past and one in the present. That is... dumb.
-  And if Bo and Rex have taken over Asa and Bo's bodies in the past, then where is the real Asa and the real Bo? Do they no longer exist?
-  Loved the bitchy Blair/John/Todd stand off.
-  I need to get this off my chest: Tess sucks. She is a vapid, vacuous waste of my time. She is not only stupid, but she's also a completely dull, fake bitch. It's sad when even a split personality cannot save a character. How Viki had such boring children, I will never know.  
-  Rex and Gigi straining their faces while trying to talk over that cell phone across decades is something I hope I never have to watch again. It hurt my soul.
-  In fact, lately I've noticed that Farah Fath is always making the most belabored expressions when they simply are not necessary. Honey child, please do not join some of your costars in the John Black School of Crappy Acting!  Sometimes less is more. Focus on simplistic honesty and stop trying to show us what Gigi is thinking and feeling - just think and feel it. If Gigi is on the phone, her face shouldn't look like she's on the crapper instead. Enough with the wincing. You've got talent baby, don't cover it up with empty gestures.
-  And I know I'm going to get complaints for criticizing the actors, I know I know!  I try not to do it too often, but the past few weeks there's been some particularly stinky performances, and it really bugs me. I expect a certain level of professionalism and talent from these highly paid models...I mean, actors. And I really think one young leading lady needs to start LEARNING HER LINES and stop relying on her physical beauty and favor with TPTB to get by. Respect yourself sister, and get some training if you need to. We've seen you have Emmy moments before, but the rest of the time it seems like you barely care. It's rather painful to watch.  Just sayin'.
-  Back to Rex's cell phone. Um...why hasn't he texted anyone?
-  Beth Ann looks GORGEOUS in Talia's wedding gown. 
-  What a nice surprise to see Antonio stabbed! I know it's just a tease, though.  Grrrrr. If Antonio was killed off, I'd throw a party. 
-  I dug the Charlie/Brody scenes.
-  But isn't Blair kind of embarrassing herself by engaging with Todd in front of John?
-  Why is Gigi wearing high heels to her waitress job? That is beyond ludicrous.
-  And I'm SO SURE there are a bunch of hippies trippin' out in a diner in small-town Texas. I think not.
-  Looks like Mendorra has about twelve citizens, huh? 
-  Don't even get me started on the absurdity of an American escaped convict (Hesser) publicly dictating royal matters in a foreign country.
-  Whoever wrote the breakdown scripts for the Mendorra story should be fired. 

Thursday, 7/31 and Friday, 8/01

- Funny how "Princess Tina" was never picked up on by the American press.
- I feel so cheated that the Vegas are both alive when they so easily could have been killed off. My emotions are being toyed with!
-  Cris doesn't seem upset at all, so Sarah must be alive - right?
-  Wrong. That's just another example of the awful acting I had to watch this week. 
-  Thank goodness Addie dumped David. Loved the comedy between them, but we David/Dorian fans have had to put up with enough bull over the years...the last thing we needed was to start to resent poor Addie. 
-  Viki would NEVER go to Africa without resolving things with Charlie, or so soon after Nash's death. Give me a break.
-  And here we have Moe the Hippy and Dallas/Renee eating pot brownies in the kitchen of a Texas diner. WHEN CAN WE GET BACK TO ONE LIFE TO LIVE?
-  Thank you, Nora! I usually hate your guts, but THANK YOU for calling out that little twit Cole for throwing himself a pity party!
-  I don't know what's up with this either, but Tina/Andrea Evans does NOT seem distraught at all that Sarah is dead.
-  Am I supposed to like Talia because she's being so bitchy and 'tudey with Carlo and Jonas? It just makes her seem even more vapid.
-  Excuse me, but Antonio just got stabbed - deep - in the gut. And now he's roaming around playing hero. Whatever.
-  David Vickers the Dog is seriously beating out a good portion of the cast in the acting department right now.
-  And DAMN that dog is cute. It's making me shout at the screen - I can't take how cute it is!!!
-  Is it me or is Carlivati teasing that BO could be David's real father?
-  Todd: "I don't believe in violence - never have."  Hah!
 

A PLEA FOR CARLIVATI, by Jessica

"Love love love your column! But I have to say that I am very concerned that you see OLTL possibly slipping into another yawn-inducing low period. Granted, I haven't been watching OLTL as long as you (I've been watching for 12 years, off and on), but I don't think the Carlivati reign is anywhere NEAR as god-awful as the Higley years. Those stories were HORRENDOUS.

I offer you the evidence: the mustache-twirling cardboard villain, Spencer Truman.  (And please know I have nothing against the actors playing any of the characters I may mention -- I'm all about the writing.) Spencer was on EVERY day and the scenes became so monotonous. ZZZZZZ. Spencer made me hate David Vickers.  Their relationship sucked all the charm out of David. I watch David because he is amusing, and Spencer made him whiney and boring.

Then there was the OPP foolishness with yet another cardboard villain, Tate Harmon. What could have been an excellent examination of racism in every-town America became just a useless story of twisted terrorism. UGH. It was laughable and embarrassing.

Now I'm not saying that Carlivati is perfect. Hardly. Carlo Hesser is equally as cardboard as Spencer Truman in the stupid-waste-of-film Mendorra story. That story stinks of Higley shallowness. There is not an ounce of believability there.  Talia as Hesser spawn? Interesting idea, but the execution has been dreadful -- I think you agree there.

Then there's Todd. Under Higley, the character went through some shocking trials (rape, execution, etc.) and was difficult to watch. Under Carlivati, Todd has been monstrous (beating up children is despicable) and also difficult to watch. But I see flashes of his heart these days in the Todd/Marty scenes, so I have hope that Todd will regain some depth.

And that's really the key to me: complexity. Higley had none. Carlivati understands it. Look at Dorian. She is villainous (pouring booze into Charlie was so so wrong), but she has a soul. She may hate Vicki, but they need each other and Dorian knows it (though she'll never admit it). That's what makes Dorian compelling...and it makes me want to tune in to see what good or bad thing she will do next.

I can also say the complexity shows up in other characters. I thought Clint's blackmailing of his competitors was GREAT, as was Natalie's blackmailing of Clint.  It's logical that members of the Buchanan family follow Asa's playbook. That's the way humanity works. We try to make the best choices in difficult circumstances. Sometime they blow up in our faces; sometimes we get away with it. I watch soaps to see humans be humans, in all our misery and glory. 

So please don't give up on Carlivati. There are things that are going right under his watch."

Okay, I won't! After being reminded of Higley's atrocities against the soap opera genre and against the integrity of One Life to Live, I have to be thankful that even a hideous failure like the Mendorra storyline pales in comparison to the offensive OPP snoozefest. 

A KEY POINT, by Leslie

"OLTL simply has too much going on right now. During the best times of the 1990s, the show focused on 1 or 2 major stories - Marty's Rape Trial, Viki's DID, Dorian's Breast Cancer, Jessica's Miscarriage, etc - and everything else was peripheral.

Marty's rape trial included not just Marty, Todd, Zach, and Powell, but Kevin as he was initially accused. Viki, Larry, Andrew, Cassie, Max, Luna, Rachel, Hank, Bo, Nora, Sheila, Todd's (adoptive) father Peter, Jason, Suede, Renee, CJ, Sarah, and Rebecca. The list is probably bigger, but those were the ones I could remember in an instant.

Half the cast was involved in that storyline. As a product of that storyline, we had the growing romances of Bo/Nora and Marty/Suede. We had Powell fleshed out as a character struggling with his conscience. Once Todd was introduced to Rebecca, he too began to wrestle with what he had done. Marty grew up and left behind her partying way, starting down the path to the woman she is today. So much of who the characters remaining today are began with that story.

Today, however we have Starr/Cole, Viki/Charlie/Dorian, Tessica, 1968, Todd/Marty, Blair/John, Blair/Starr/Todd, Marcie/Starr/Todd, David/Clint/BE Takeover, Who's Rex's Daddy?, Brody/Gigi/Shane/Rex, Mendorra, Carlo/Talia/Antonio... There's no center to the show.

Pick a story - let's say Starr's pregnancy. You've got Cole involved as the baby daddy. Todd and Blair and Marty as the gramps and Grammies. Nora can be Cole's legal counsel (she seriously needs to get out of the D.A.'s office. I think it's definitely hurt her credibility as a lawyer.), which also puts her in an uneasy alliance with Todd. Marcie and Michael as the adoptive-parents-wannabe. Gigi and John are friends/relatives of Michael and Marcie, but Gigi could also develop a relationship with Starr, given that she was a teenage momma as well. Bring Tea or Evangeline back to represent Starr/Michael/Marcie (THAT would be drama). Viki has always been the voice of reason that Todd attempts to listen to, but she's also that one that Starr talks to when Blair's not around. We've already got the beginnings of a John/Blair romance. Dorian is Blair's go-to-gal.  

The key is to INVEST in ONE key story. Right now I feel like I'm watching 12 different shows in one hour. I still see so much more positive these days than I ever did in the last 5 years, but there needs to be more connection between the entire canvas of characters. One event or situation that brings them all into focus for a common purpose. I have faith that Ron Carlivati can do it. He's got the history of the show in his back pocket, he's seen what the show and the characters have gone through from every angle during his time with the show. Now he just needs to find a core that ties everyone together."

Excellent, excellent point. I'm really sick of Starr's baby storyline, but that does seem the most likely choice for a proper umbrella storyline here.

MAIL REPORT

"I agree sending Lindsay to jail was a big mistake. I wonder if we will be doing another “Babes Behind Bars” storyline this fall. Dorian did break the law to take over B.E. How much fun would it be to throw the two of them in Statesville? ABC has done it with Erica Kane. The jail sets are already up at the AMC studio."  - John

From my understanding of things, we would be LUCKY to get another jail storyline - although personally I cannot STAND jail-based stories. They are soooooo unrealistic and very limited. But it sounds like Catherine Hickland is pretty much off the show for the time being. And with Robin Strasser taking her hotline down combined with the current predicament Dorian has gotten herself into, I am feeling uneasy about her future on the show. I know she is Carlivati's favorite, but let's not forget Carlivati is not the one giving out orders. The chances of Dorian going to jail may be greater than we think right now. The real question is, will we be seeing Dorian or Lindsay AT ALL later this year? It's time to WRITE to TPTB and let them know two things:  A) Robin Strasser/Dorian is essential to the show, practically on the same level as Erika Slezak, and B) Catherine Hickland/Lindsay deserves a hot storyline pronto. Write now or forever hold your peace.

"I think Carlo is Rex's Dad, or it was Victor Lord in cahoots with Mitch once again.  Roxy may have been at Rene's ranch. Remember Carlo was a steady customer there as well."  - Linda

You may be on to something, as I can certainly picture Roxy working as a prostitute. But wouldn't Renee remember and recognize Roxy then?  t would be pushing the limits of believability (yet again) to re-write Renee already knowing Roxy from her call girl past. And since Natalie is older than Rex, that would mean Roxy would have had to take Natalie along with her while she (hypothetically) worked as a hooker. Sounds like another sloppy re-write, if you ask me. Furthermore, while I was once a huge Carlo Hesser fan, this time around he's a joke of a two-dimensional character and even worse, he's tied to that boring Talia. I think TPTB would be wise to wait for Roscoe Born to become a free agent again, and go ahead with the original plan to make Mitch Rex's father.

"What in the world is Ron Carlivatti thinking?? Is this the permanent end of David Vickers?? Doesn't he realize that David is the one character that the fans consistently love?...If David had never been born, would Jessica be alive? How about Viki? Didn't David just force Dorian to save her? That's just the tip of the iceberg...so many things in Llanview would be different if David was never there! I don't like this storyline AT ALL!!!"  -  Janet

Wiping David Vickers off the map would be a brutal slap in the face to the fans, and yes - it would mean Jessica would be dead. So... on second thought, maybe they SHOULD have Bo and Rex stop David from existing. Because Jessica is useless.

"I'm loving the show, especially Marty and Todd and the 1968 stuff. I'd bet anything actors are being double-used due to budget. They're not going to let Ron Carlivati bring in like 20 new actors to tell this story."  - Ted

Good point.

"Are they really going to have Marty fall for Todd or vice versa? I mean seriously! I think Susan and Trevor have good chemistry and I think both are absolutely talented but I don't know if I could deal with a relationship between Todd and the woman he raped all those years ago. I mean I know it's the one thing he is actually sorry for but still isn't it just creepy?"  - Lindsey

It's creepy all right - and also it's the best thing on the entire show. Marty is completely crushing on Todd, which is endlessly fascinating in light of her lack of memory. The scenes are extremely poignant, suspenseful, and well-acted. The chemistry between Haskell and Trevor St. John is the best thing the show has seen since...well, since Tangeline. And the sexual heat between Blair and John is also a nice surprise. This quadrangle is going to get really messy and who knows where everyone will end up. I suspect a lot of it may have to do with the chemistry or lack thereof between Michael Easton and Susan Haskell, which we haven't seen yet. I somehow doubt it will be as strong as what we're seeing with Haskell and St. John. And they look great together. Just remember - Marty is going to find out Todd is the one who orchestrated her gang rape. Do you really think she's going to look past that? Any romantic future between Marty and Todd is a long ways off and many rounds of forgiveness in the future. In the meantime, let's enjoy this amazing scenario Carlivati has cooked up.

"Glad you are loving the Todd/Marty scenes. I cannot stomach them. Too cruel, creepy, and repulsive, what he is doing to her. Being held in a room by your rapist, being lied to, kept away form your child who needs you. When watching in real time, I just change the channel whenever I see them come on. I have tried to watch but just makes my skin crawl. I just feel there is some part of Marty that should be repulsed by him (that doesn't even want him to touch her), even though she doesn't remember him raping her."  - Dee

On paper, I completely agree with Dee. But because of the brilliance Susan Haskell and Trevor St. John are both infusing into the scenes, I am hooked. It's terribly interesting that Marty is attracted to Todd. Disturbing, yes. But how often are rapists a man the victim is attracted to? Very often, I'm sure. That dynamic speaks to the delicate nature of attraction, trust, and relationships. Things will change when Marty finds out the truth. But for now, creepy though it may be, Susan Haskell's performance is making Marty and Todd seem very sweet, and Trevor is playing just enough guilt to make me temporarily forget how cruel Todd is being by deceiving Marty. In his own twisted way, Todd must be justifying his actions to himself, perhaps deciding that until she is physically healed, telling her about Cole or Patrick or John would complicate her recovery. Of course, that only really makes sense in Todd's mind - yet it fits perfectly with his established thought patterns. As for Marty, John mentioned weeks ago that the mystery woman Lee was holding (Marty) had possible brain injuries - the kind that could fundamentally change who that person is. Combined with memory loss, Marty's brain injury may alter her instincts and judgment values. After all, she liked Lee Ramsey and thought he was a good person! She clearly likes Todd. This Marty may be a completely different person, a brand new character (something I welcome since she used to be rather irritating). She is more interesting than she's been since her debut as troubled Party Marty. Todd is...well, he's Todd. But at least he's not beating up children. I think in many ways, the Todd/Marty storyline right now is flawless. I could never fast-forward it!

"Talk about woman-centric writing - when the scenes began shifting back and forth between the conversations that John/Blair and Todd/Marty were having, I was simply in awe of how fantastic the writing was, and how well the writer was expressing all of the complex dynamics that were applicable to these two very different women’s situations. This has been some of the VERY best soap I have seen in a long, long time, and ITA with you, I’m finding the whole thing to be extremely intriguing, to say the least."  - Rebecca

The Todd/Marty and John/Blair stuff is the best thing to happen to the show in awhile, that's for sure.

"I will agree with you in that about the only storyline worth paying attention to is the Todd and Marty pairing. I feel like Trevor St. John has finally been given something to do besides being a child beater. I get the impression from when I watch him with Susan Haskell, that something has been reawakened in him and we get to see it. I can really feel a connection, or maybe a redemption for Todd on some level with his interaction with Marty. I have been out of heart with Todd for awhile. Now I can see the old Todd in there somewhere... somewhere where we actually care about him again. Yes, there are some Todd fans who love him despite his despicableness."  - Glynis

I could not agree more. The show has been boring the pants off of me, between Mendorra, Gigi/Brody, the teens, and the time travel stuff. Blair/John's scenes have been highly watchable, and Todd/Marty is amazing. I know some people cannot get past the rape. I can completely respect that viewpoint. For me, as always, it's about the acting. And Glynis is right - something magical is happening between Susan Haskell and Trevor St. John. That magic is the essence of why I watch soaps.

"I actually thought the dialog between Todd and Marty reflects on Todd's loneliness since losing Evangeline. Every word seemed to speak to his desperate isolation since the removal of Evangeline from his life....Todd's recent behavior with Marty is so similar to Tangeline's Todd...He is no longer this one dimensional monster, he is thoughtful, caring, funny and tender. When I watch those scenes I think of Tangeline."  - Tina

While I definitely think Todd and Marty are creating some chemistry in their own right, I think I understand (as a hopeless Tangeline fan) what she means here. This is the first time since Evangeline left the show that we have seen Todd treat a woman (or anyone for that matter) with kindness. Of course, he's also telling her the most horrible lies and ultimately screwing with her mind even worse than he has in the past. I really think Todd started off his plot with Marty by hoping to turn her against John. Now he's basking in being liked by his rape victim. It's probably very healing for him to not feel the resentment and fear from Marty that he is used to. On top of that, she's crushing on him, and he may be developing feelings for her. Is he replacing Evangeline with Marty? I don't know. Maybe he is just remembering what it's like to interact with a woman who doesn't see his evil side.


Please send your OLTL thoughts, complaints, suggestions, and desperate pleas to:

Robert Iger, President of Disney (ABC Parent Company)
robert.a.iger@disney.com 

Anne Sweeney, President of ABC
anne.x.sweeney@abc.com

Brian Frons  brian.fron@abc.com

That's it for this week. Thanks for reading, and don't forget to e-mail me.

 

Until next time - don't forget to feel the Craze! 

Jeremy in Chicago

 

 

 

 

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