When you think of romance on the soaps, romantic comedy is probably not what first comes to mind. Beautiful, tortured heroines who go through five hankies and seven husbands, buff-and-brawny (if not brainy) hunks who can’t keep their pants zipped or their hands off their presumed-dead spouses, lost babies, split personalities, angst and heartbreak, emotional baggage and distress... That’s the stuff of good, old-fashioned soap opera meat and potatoes. But there’s a place in the world of daytime drama for the lighter side, too. The goofy, over-the-top, comic-relief folks — maybe not so pretty, but invariably better actors — have certainly found their niche and garnered their fans over the years. But they never seem to get the romances, do they?

Personally, I’m quite partial to romantic comedy. That’s what I write, so that’s no surprise. But it’s also my taste in movies and other people’s books, and, as it happens, it’s maintained its popularity quite nicely over the years on film and on the page. From “Bringing Up Baby” to “Shakespeare in Love,” from Jane Austen to Janet Evanovich, romantic comedy is doing quite nicely, thanks.

So why are the soaps so far behind on the Rom Com curve?

I’ve never been able to figure that out. But let’s give credit to “One Life to Live.”  As part of their massive make-over and new production regime, they’ve remembered that it’s good to add humor to the mix. Along with gripping murders and cursed diamonds and mad grandpas who try to steal people’s hearts (literally), we’ve suddenly got...Roxie!

With her bizarre mop of hair and trash diva wardrobe, Roxie blasted into Llanview like a breath of fresh air. Well, cheap knockoff perfumed air laced with brewskis, anyway. And she certainly isn’t your cookie cutter soap character! Like Opal over on sister soap “All My Children,” we got to know Roxie first as a baaaaad mother. Again like Opal, she quickly moved away from trailer trash nightmare mom with all kinds of shocking drama to play out her story on the comedy side.

Even by the time we got to Roxie’s madcap, surprise Atlantic City wedding to Max, I still wasn’t sure about this character. I think it comes from a long-standing problem of my own. You see, there’s this grudge I’ve been holding a long time. Against the unsuspecting actress who plays Roxie, Ilene Kristen. It isn’t her fault. Really. It’s just that she’s too good at what she does, and that I was too attached to “Ryan’s Hope” back in my formative years. Well, “Ryan’s Hope” and this darling doctor, Pat Ryan. You see, Kristen’s character, Delia, was this conniving, clinging vine who attached herself to various Ryan boys over the years. When her terrible fake blindness scheme actually worked to dupe sweet, adorable, gullible Patrick into marriage, I swore I would tune out “Ryan’s Hope” and never come back. Okay, so I caved in and came back in time to see Delia dallying with gorillas in Central Park. But it left a bad taste in mouth. And when Ilene Kristen came to “One Life,” I was still harboring that ancient Pat Ryan grudge about the fake blind thing. Sheesh. I think Malcolm Groome (who played Patrick) has left the biz, Ilene Kristen has done a million other things, and I’m bent out of shape about the duplicity of a fictional character from the 70’s. I never said I was a rational being, did I?

Let’s go back to Roxie in the new century. When she came into Llanview as Natalie’s maybe mom, I appreciated that the character was crazy and bold and brassy and kind of fun, but I still wasn’t sure about her because of my irrational old grudge. Then they added outrageous actress Sylvia Miles as her mom, upping the ante and giving us a glimpse of why Roxie was who she was, and I started to relent. Working with James DePaiva, Phil Carey and Peter Bartlett, as Max, Asa and Nigel, respectively, Ilene Kristen worked Roxie and her eccentricities and malapropisms for all they were worth. And I admit it. I was hooked on Roxie.

But is she really a romantic lead? Certainly not in the usual sense, not even for romantic comedy, where ditsy dames are a dime a dozen. I do love the new hair palace, I have to say (yet again underlining her connection to Opal and her Glamorama). And I dearly love the new wrinkle, where Roxie got matched up with Nigel, of all people. Okay, so the basic plot idea was pretty silly, where Roxie earned the funds for her new salon by helping Asa get his butler, Nigel, to quit smoking. If you don’t watch “One Life to Live,” I don’t blame you for going, “Huh?” over that last bit. It’s something you just have to get past, because it was totally a plot device to put Roxie and Nigel in front of a hypnotist, where they accidentally absorbed the Love Suggestion and now they think they’re head-over-heels in love with each other any time someone says the magic word “bourbon.”

As far as I know, Nigel isn’t smoking anymore, either, but that seems to have kind of gotten lost in the shuffle. Now “bourbon” is making them fall all over each other. Which brings me to my song of the week. It’s a little Ashley Ballard ditty called “Hypnotized.”

Look into my eyes

You’re feeling sleepy

When I click my fingers

You’ll wake up and not remember a thing

You’re hypnotized

Oh, oh...

Roxie yearns for a new man each and every day

Not just any guy but one who can pay

Give her some cash, some cash she can use

Rich man she’ll choose

Who’s gonna pay her way?

Nigel can run, but he can’t hide

Hypnotized, hypnotized

Every time he hears his cue

He starts to coo, spill the goo

Hypnotized, hypnotized

Can’t run, can’t hide

Roxie & Nige are hypnotized

I don’t think anyone is suffering from any illusion that Roxie and Nigel are the love match of the year or that this hypnotically-created affair is going to last once they figure out how to get “bourbon” out of their heads. But who cares? While it lasts, it’s fun and kicky and cool, and the perfect complement to the darker stories like Mad Murdering Mitch and Poor Sad Jenn Behind Bars and Flash the Consumptive Singer and even Al the Hopped-Up Voice of the Night.

Plus I can totally get behind the idea of promoting the sublime Peter Bartlett to a major player and giving him more to do than playing Smithers to Asa’s Mr. Burns. Bartlett is on fire! When he started quoting Christopher Marlowe in a “Doctor Faustus” mood —  “Was this the face that launch’d a thousand ships; And burnt the topless towers of Ilium? Sweet Helen, make me immortal with a kiss.” — my jaw dropped. This guy is good! I mean, really good!

I wanted to google him immediately and find out what he’s done and where he’s done it, because I smell a classical background there. While I didn’t find any Shakespeare or Shaw, I did find out his whole character name. Nigel Bartholomew Smythe. Who knew? It’s adorable. He’s adorable. Consider me a full-out Peter Bartlett fan.

Why? Because he made me believe in the power of Nigel and Roxie. Even if it is romantic comedy, even if they were hypnotized into it, even if neither one is the young and buff and beautiful soap opera ideal, I believed. And that, my friends, is romance.

So here’s to Roxie and Nigel! Long may they rave! And thanks, Soaptown’s Amanda, for asking me to do these two. I thoroughly enjoyed it.