R.I.P. OLTL Part 2

Farewell, farewell, auf wiedersehen, goodbye!

 

Alas, the time has come to say goodbye! I'm sure you will hear from me in some shape or form in the future, but for now, there is nothing to write about. In fact, I'm having a hard time deciding what I want to say in this final column. I am overwhelmed by how much mail I received after my last column. I'm just starting to go through it all - but I can see from some of the e-mail addresses that many of the readers who used to write to me regularly before giving up on OLTL years ago, have taken the time to write once again. I'm curious to see if that's because those same readers decided to tune in for the final week or two, or if they are just bummed that the column is coming to an end. Either way, I'm looking forward to reading and responding to all of your emails. 

Unfortunately, I was overall disappointed with the way things ended on One Life to Live. I'm going to try to be somewhat more delicate than usual in my criticism, because I don't want to seem disrespectful toward the show which we all were addicted to for so many years. However, despite some nice moments, I thought the ending was indeed ruined by the Prospect Park shenanigans. Specifically, I was rather horrified that Allison Perkins was shown as having Victor held captive a la Mad Margaret. I would have been overjoyed to see Victor alive, if only that surprise ending had not been widely spoiled for me on Facebook. Since so many people apparently watched the show live (something I never do) and then blogged about it, I already knew Victor would appear on the episode. So as the episode neared its ending, I realized Victor must be the person Allison was talking to. I was hoping that would not be the case - as it makes literally no sense whatsoever - but I was proven wrong.

Some of you believe the ending means that nothing on One Life to Live was ever real; that Allison Perkins made all of the characters up in her mind; that Victor was not Victor; that he was some other man Allison is holding captive, perhaps in a mental ward or even in St. Anne's, where she has been living all along. I can't even address this theory because it would make me hate a certain writer so much that I would no longer be able to maintain basic civility! However, it is rather disconcerting to note that Allison was holding a fully printed out manuscript which she had been reading to "Victor." This worries me because Allison had only escaped from prison two days before the Victor reveal. How did she create such a thick manuscript in just two days' time? How did she do that while also, inexplicably, coming upon an already-captive Victor Lord? I say "already-captive" because someone else would have had to orchestrate his kidnapping (not to mention, fake his death). It would be easy to pin this on Mitch, but Allison made it clear in her scenes with Viki and Clint that she was the mastermind now, not Mitch. Regardless of how I interpret the Allison/Victor scenes, I cannot make sense of them.   

Let me backtrack. I decided not to attend the Celebrate Llanview event here in Chicago. There were several reasons for this - the main one being that I had to open a play that night, and for me that's top priority. I thought I could swing covering the event, mingling with soap stars, ignoring the temptations of a top shelf open bar, heading back home, getting ready, then getting to the show on time. It would be hectic, but doable. Then nature threw a curveball and gave us our first real snow storm. Travel became a real bitch. On top of that, I learned I would have to wait outside in line at the event, even though I was supposed to have a press pass.  At the All My Children event, that was not the case. I don't need to be treated like some kind of Lord (pun intended!), but because of my show, I decided against standing outside in the snow all morning. I had to protect my body and my voice. Everyone around me has been sick and I get a little cautious when I'm in a show. Again, if it weren't for that, I wouldn't have cared. 

Then, just as I was leaning toward not going, I found out Florencia Lozano had dropped out of the event. This tipped the scales completely in the direction of "NO" since I was most excited to meet her. The only other person I was truly dying to meet was Ilene Kristen. I already emailed with Ilene expressing my disappointment in not seeing her. But since her scenes on the finale were cut without her knowing, she was not "a happy camper." I would have liked to have met all of the actors in attendance, but all signs pointed to going through my usual preparations on show day. I'm kind of a dork like that - I do yoga, go to the gym, meditate, go through my lines and blocking a couple of times. It paid off, and opening weekend went very well. However, I will always be a little bit sad that I missed the chance to attend this event and meet Ilene Kristen and the other actors. Though admittedly, I was a wee bit nervous about meeting say, Nic Robuck (who did not attend), or anyone who I've criticized so much as actors.  Same goes for the guy who played Baz, who I did nothing but rip on.  It's a tough situation to be in.  Especially since I know what it's like.  As an actor, I don't socialize with theatre critics.  In a situation like this, would I have been able to relax and just be a fan?  Or would have I been nervous and uncomfortable?  See, this is where the top shelf open bar would have really helped!     

Ilene Kristen's cut scenes from the finale involved Roxy going to New York and meeting characters played by Ron Carlivati and Frank Valentini. Ilene was really disappointed to be cut from the finale - who can blame her? I believe the choice was made because of Prospect Park's abandonment of the soaps. Most likely, the scenes involved two executives (originally an actual Prospect Park executive was tapped to make an appearance on the finale, but - SURPRISE - he backed out) from an internet company telling Roxy that Fraternity Row would continue online. It's no wonder they had to cut the scenes, but once again, Prospect Park's shadiness cost the fans. Roxy's absence from the finale was unfortunate.

There were other unfortunate elements to the finale. For my money, everything having to do with Destiny giving birth to Matthew's child was simply awful. I hated the story from the beginning, but the fact that it took up so much time on the finale - and in my opinion was poorly written and carried out - made me feel emotionally disconnected from the experience. They threw together as many characters as possible in one room (Roxy's presence, or Renee's, may have made it slightly more bearable) and rushed through one of the most ridiculously unrealistic deliveries ever put on film, replete with the last minute cheesiness of Matthew "manning up."  Though I'm still confused as to how accidentally showing up to your baby momma's delivery constitutes "manning up." Ron Carlivati did a terrible job butchering Matthew's storyline, especially since they never reversed Eddie's murderer! What the hell? I cannot believe things were left with Matthew as a real murderer. I guess Carlivati is a big believer in letting teenagers kill people and not have to pay for it. Cole "deserves" to be out of prison even though he shot a handcuffed man in a revenge killing, and after Matthew followed suit, he gets off scott free. I guess Destiny's baby is Matthew's punishment, but that's my interpretation only. I do think it's interesting to note that Carlivati left things with Matthew, Cole, Marty, and Todd all being killers. And he ended Bo and Nora's storyline by having them cover up a murder for their son, who is now expected to raise a child he doesn't even want...and it is treated like some joyous, wonderful closure for their family? This is the way the Buchanans wave goodbye to the fans? I'm sorry, but for me, this storyline severely tainted One Life to Live's final months, including its finale. 

There were some nice moments with Viki, Clint, and the newly full-blooded sisters - both of whom tried to steal Shane's awesomeness by using the whole "Mommy?" (or in Jessica's case, "Daddy") line in sobbing scenes... sorry ladies, but that's Shane's gimmick! I definitely felt some initial glee that one of my favorite characters ever, Allison Perkins, was being used to frame the entire episode with narration...but even without the nonsensical reintroduction of Victor Lord at the end of the episode, I think Allison's presence on the finale was inappropriate when characters like Renee and Roxy were ignored (seriously...no Renee Divine for the final week?!?). I loved Brody's unexpected return perhaps more than anything else. I grew to really love him for some reason, and now that Ford is dead, I can't help but wonder if Jessica would allow Brody to help raise Ryder.  Jessica's paternity result was anything but a surprise, but it still provided a nice emotional moment tying the audience to the most core unit on the show. That moment was effective enough to ALMOST make me forget that Kevin and Joey were missing. 

I found myself wondering if Aubrey had made her way yet to London, to turn that household upside down. Just think about the London storyline that is so ripe for play now: Joey and Kelly move in with Kevin; Aubrey shows up to find closure with Joey; Kevin takes an interest in Aubrey and asks her out; Rex and Gigi show up to move into the compound; Rex's relationships with Kelly and Aubrey make Gigi jealous; Gigi forges her own relationships with Kevin and Joey; Adriana shows up to open a new office in London and work with Kelly on a project; sparks fly between Adriana and all of the men involved; and Shane gets to know his cousin Zane, who has left boarding school and moved into the mansion. Zane has a crush on Shane, and won't shut up about "how cool it is" that their names rhyme. They generate a fan base who knick names them Sh'Zane. But Adriana has a different idea. In the spirit of Dorian and Joey, Adriana decides she will take Shane's virginity herself - just to f*ck with Gigi! 

I guess in some ways, my own personal fan fiction still excites me more than what the show actually offered up. That's not because I think I'm some kind of genius. But I do think it means that soap writers aren't very good. Not anymore. The fact that Ron Carlivati gets SO much amazing publicity utterly baffles me. Don't get me wrong - I prefer him over Dena Higley any day. But I can also name five or six other head writers I'd much prefer over Carlivati. He just isn't on the level of Claire Labine or Josh Griffith or Michael Malone. He gets the basic fabric of the show, yet he also neutered Dorian and turned her into a clown, which is something no other writer did. That Robin Strasser defends Carlivati is one of the most puzzling things of all, because he destroyed her character. He also retold and repackaged old storylines, over and over again, while failing to produce a truly original, creative voice for himself. If I had to pick only one word to describe Carlivati's style, it would be imitation. I do not think he has an original voice as a writer. The best thing he ever did - by far - was the Rapemance, which coasted by its controversality with two of the most genius actors on the planet producing the most amazing chemistry the show saw this side of 1987. But the rapemance was years ago. Dena Higley's best storyline was Victor's (then "Todd") execution. I guess that means Trevor St. John played the two best storylines of the past decade, huh? I never thought of it that way, but it's true. 

Considering that, I'm deeply disappointed in the sloppy way Victor/Trevor St. John was used for the finale. I realize a lot of this had to do with Prospect Park's machinations. If Carlivati didn't know whether Trevor was going to Prospect Park at the time, then this was a reasonable way to use the Victor character. He's tied up and held prisoner. We know he's alive, but that doesn't mean he'll be back on the online version of the show anytime soon. The writers would have had wiggle room to write for Tea, Tomas, Blair, and Todd even if Trevor didn't sign on to P-Park. They could bring Victor back whenever they pleased. However, this logical thinking doesn't help the fact that Victor's return was no return at all. He did not speak a single word or factor into the plot in any way. It was just a kind of bone thrown to the fans. But that bone surely had a bitter taste. I'm willing to put up with a lot of stretched believability on soaps, but I draw the line at Allison Perkins having Victor as her own personal prisoner. First of all, it is such a direct copy off of the Margaret storyline. The ONLY way it would have worked, in my opinion, is if Terri Sagnor had been brought back as crazy Margaret, and she were the one narrating the episode. Wouldn't that have been something, trying to figure out "who's voice is that?" Then realizing it is Mad Margaret...THEN realizing she has Victor... AGAIN??? Now that would have been an acceptable and intriguing ending. Or at the least, a nod to the show's history. 

But Allison? I'm sorry, but Allison had been out of prison for all of two days. It's one thing for Carlivati to suddenly turn her from blind Mitch worshipper (always the definition of her character, from day one) into a mastermind of a prison break who cares nothing for Mitch's wrath (which I'm not buying at ALL, but that's another bone to pick). Even if Allison is suddenly her own master, and not afraid of Mitch (can't even print that with a straight face!), it's quite a huge leap to depict her as Victor's keeper. I can't imagine how Ron Carlivati could ever explain the "why" of it. Why Allison would want Victor, that is. But even if he could come up with something there, what about the "how?" How could Allison possibly have imprisoned Victor on a bed? If Victor's murder was orchestrated and covered up, which we now know it was (at least, we think we know), then how could Allison have had anything to do with that when she was in a maximum security prison? And how exactly did Victor's dead, bleeding body magically turn into a healthy, alive body tied up in a bed in what looked to be St. Anne's or a similar place? 

The only way I could have swallowed ANY of this would have been a big reveal that Irene was alive and behind everything. If Irene had narrated the final episode, we would have no way of knowing whether she were alive, dead, or in Todd's mind. Then we see her toward the end, and realize she's real. THEN we see Victor. That would have made sense, at least knowing that someone with Irene's (still unexplained) power and cunning could have faked two deaths. But Allison Perkins is an unsophisticated baby snatcher and cult member. She doesn't know how to fake a death or hold a grown man prisoner. Irene Manning would be capable of those things. So would Tomas. I cannot, for the life of me, figure out why Ron Carlivati chose Allison for this job, or how he ever would have explained it. It seems to me, that it was randomly thrown together. In my opinion, a huge fail. I appreciate the risk of doing something that doesn't make sense, but this finale was too important to take a risk like that.

 For me, the final moment of One Life to Live was not a "wow" moment, but a "huh?" moment. That's not how I wanted to remember the show. What's worse is the way Tea, Tomas, Blair, and Todd's story was left in complete limbo. I think it's actually cowardly and lame that TPTB did not use Trevor St. John's return to have him walk in at the end and see Tea. That should have been the ending. But because they didn't know if Trevor would appear on Prospect Park, they played it safe. Lame, lame, lame. The bizarre announcement that Blair, Todd, and Starr are the chosen ones set to move over to General Hospital is now doubly mystifying, because Carlivati will HAVE to explain what happened with Victor and Allison. But we probably won't get to see it or really understand it in a believable way. Obviously, if Todd is coming to Port Charles, then he was not convicted of Victor's murder. So will Victor's murder just be left unsolved, or will Victor be known to be alive? Rumors that Trevor St. John and Florencia Lozano will follow the Mannings to Port Charles certainly have me more than interested, not only because they are superior characters to the Mannings, but because without their inclusion, the Mannings' presence would make little sense. Especially since Starr only just moved to Los Angeles for career purposes (don't you wish you could just move to another state on a day's notice, without so much as having to call a mover?). And how is Carlivati going to explain Starr's sudden arrival in Port Charles, without Cole? Would he ever have explained how Todd can pay Cole to be Starr's bodyguard (meaning, he would have to be seen publicly all the time!) when he is supposed to be DEAD? 

I could go on and on with little things that bothered me, such as Starr having all of those scenes with Markko and Langston, whom I could not care less about, instead of going to say goodbye to Viki - HUGE missed opportunity to make us actually remember that we once cared about Starr. What about Renee Divine showing up at Rex's wedding and accepting him into the family, after years of hating on him? These missed moments I can look past. What I can't look past is that the writing for the finale lacked coherence and believability. My overall disappointment is not limited to the finale; rather, the goofiness of that last episode reminds me of the entire tenure of Ron Carlivati as head writer. At first he seemed like a savior with the bold, daring, must-see Rapemance storyline. But in recent years, his storytelling has been somewhere between absurd (teenaged Jessica), offensive (Dorian the lesbian), or just plain dumb (time travel televisions). The truth is that, in saying goodbye to One Life to Live, despite my sadness, I feel relieved to not to have to watch Carlivati's storytelling anymore.

There, I said it. 

Errr... except that now he's going to be writing General Hospital, which I think could be the worst match up of show and writer in the history of soaps! It's almost as bizarre as when Claire Labine (whose work on GH was genius) came to One Life to Live and had Dorian murder her already-dead mother. Though Labine is a soap genius, she wasn't the right fit for the style of OLTL. Carlivati is more of a fit for its style. But he is NOT a fit for the completely opposite style on GH! I know there are calls for positivity and support for GH right now. I'm fine with that. I've been watching GH since I was a kid and I've always loved it, even though it can be a bit cold. GH can stand the chill of dark, mobtastic life. What it can't abide though, is kooky time travel televisions, ridiculous teen pregnancies that read like cartoons, and convoluted storylines that make little sense - such as the return of Todd Manning, or surely what would have been the tale of "How Allison Perkins Became Victor Lord's Keeper." That style of writing would not and will not work on GH. I do agree that GH needs to get rid of about 1/3 of their cast, especially those brought on by Garin Wolf. I'm all for a new writer. But I'm truly afraid for what Carlivati might do. I'm okay with OLTL characters coming to GH, if they are replacing the truly abominable newbies Garin Wolf has created. But my chief concern lies with Carlivati's style and capabilities simply not matching up with GH. I would rather have Bob Guza back, or the Labines, or - gasp! - someone fresh and new. After all of these years of dreading cancellation for OLTL, and despite my sadness about it, I will not miss Carlivati's writing. I will not miss it at all.

What I will miss is my interaction with all of you. Like I said last week, you are always welcome to write to me. I will keep checking that account from time to time. I am going to TRY to keep up with GH for now. The nice thing about watching GH is that, since I'm not having to take notes on it, I can fast-forward whatever I want. I will say that right now I am fast-forwarding a LOT. Maybe Ron Carlivati will change that. Even though Todd and Blair and especially Starr make me roll my eyes into the back of my head, I doubt I will fast-forward their scenes once they hit town. It will be very strange and perhaps fascinating to see OLTL characters on GH.  But since I'm also a long-time GH fan, I'm not looking for GH to turn into OLTL, in cast or in style. The problem right now with GH is the cast. It's too large, and the newbies are bad. If Carlivati WISELY gets rid of them, and mixes up Todd, Blair, and John with the likes of Sonny, Carly, and Sam, well... it might just work. It would certainly beat watching Sonny/Kate, which is a contrived, tired mess. Jason/Sam need to be either broken up or given an extreme storyline. My preference by a mile would be to have Sam and Michael have a one night stand. Any soap writer worth his salt would see the writing on the wall. They should fall into bed over their shared victimhood. The soapiness of it is just too good to pass up. But I doubt a writer like Carlivati would do that, since he passed by most of the hottest chemistry on OLTL, such as Cutter/Dorian.

Carly/Johnny has potential, but Carly/Shawn is a bust. Shawn and his stupid dog need to GO, and go fast (I love dogs, don't get me wrong, but that dog signifies how Carly has been turned into a domestic, boring snooze fest). Carly/Johnny is hot, but Carly/John McBain might be just as hot! Carly/Todd/Blair/Sonny simply MUST be tested. It's obvious, but obvious for a reason. If the rumors pan out and Victor and Tea end up following the Mannings to Port Charles, then I could see major sparks flying between Carly/Victor and Tea/Sonny. Tea/Jason might be hot, too. There are just too many possibilities there. But first the newbies have to go!!! I hope Frank and Ron are NOT shy about handing out the pink slips. Replace the newbies (including the Woman in White, Delores, and the two new doctors) with OLTL characters, keep all the legacy GH characters and bring back more like Robert and Anna, which is already happening. I would also do everything in my power to keep Kimberly McCullough. Robin/Patrick is by far the best thing on the show, and has been for years now. A GH without Robin just doesn't work. She's the heart of the show. 

I could go on and on with more GH suggestions, but what is the point? All we can do is sit back and watch the show, and hope the fast-forward button stops getting quite so much use (honestly, you could not pay me to watch a scene with the Woman in White, or a Godforsaken Dante/Lulu scene - not gonna happen!). I have very big doubts about what Frank and Ron will do to improve GH...I think it's more likely it will become an unrecognizable show and head out the door in a few more months. However, I will watch with an open mind and hope and pray that Frank and Ron's endeavor is a success. I will also hope and pray they have the brains to realize that Tea and Victor are their absolute best chance to make GH must-watch television. And heck, if they want to keep playing the mob stories, why not bring on Ilene Kristen as the Soleito family matriarch, to feud with Tracy?!? Now that I would pay to watch.

Well, my friends, this is it. I thank you from the bottom of my heart for putting up with me these past five years. I know I can be a sharp-tongued, opinionated bastard sometimes. Thanks for being willing to express yourselves just as strongly as I often did. I feel very lucky to have entertained you these years, and to have communicated with so many of you, sometimes in great detail. One thing I can say with complete confidence is that soap fans are NOT stupid. Maybe if morons like Brian Frons would have realized that, we would not be saying goodbye now.

To end on a positive note, I would like to say that something has happened completely to my surprise, that seems to be helping me cope with the bizarre reality of not having One Life to Live in my life. I decided to tune into Days of Our Lives for the first time in about 6 or 7 years. I kind of know what's going on because of the soap magazines and everything, but it's been awhile. To my delight, I didn't feel lost at all. In fact, I slipped right back into the groove. So many of the relationships on that show are the same as they were ten, fifteen years ago. I am deeply intrigued by the main storyline between Will/EJ/Sami/Marlena. I'm equally interested in the corporate espionage going on with Sami, Kate, and the deliciously brilliant Sarah Brown. Seeing her in the mix really caught my attention. In the interest of full disclosure, DAYS continues its tradition of having some really terrible teen actors. One of them, playing NuAbigail, shared some scenes with Patrick Muldoon - who I had never actually seen before on the show. My goodness, I'm not sure that I've ever seen such terrible actors in my entire life! But then I remembered that DAYS always includes desperately terrible actors in their cast.  And somehow - unlike OLTL - the bad acting on DAYS somehow suits it. DAYS is ten times campier than OLTL ever was, and some of it is woefully accidental. Even in these terrible Abby/Austin scenes, I had a hard time turning away, because I was laughing so hard. 

So, my friends, if you find yourself really missing the routine of having a fictional family, friends, town, etc... check out Salem, USA, Port Charles, or maybe take a look at Genoa City. Perhaps my slipping back into DAYS has more to do with the need to have a soap in my life than anything else. I'm sure you can understand. 

Sweet, soapy dreams - until we meet again!- Jeremy

Monday, 1/9

-  I enjoyed Gabrielle and Luna fighting over Max in heaven! At least Max got mentioned - right?

-  Loved hearing Luna's voice saying, "Oh my Goddess!" Brought back the mid-90's for me!

-  All three of the angel ladies look great.

-  Luna coming for Cole... that was a stretch. 

-  Have I mentioned that I really like Van Hughes? Shirtless, not so bad either.

-  Loved Viki and Megan's scenes. Especially when they first saw one another, and said nothing, only embraced.

-  Viki, about Heaven: "I've been here before." Sure enough.

-  Clint is in hell... with STACY! Wow, I didn't know she was returning. What a horrible punishment for us!  Makes sense though, with the heart transplant and all.

-  I can't help but feel bitter seeing Crystal Hunt brought back. We get her but no Robin Strasser or Susan Haskell? PUH-LEASE!

-  I really wanted Mitch to show up in hell and realize he was stuck with Stacy. Oh well.

-  I used to love Mitch, but I'm glad they killed him. Of course, in the back of my head, I couldn't help but wonder what if John would have accidentally killed Natalie while shooting Mitch? Hee hee.

-  This was nice, though, from Natalie: "I'm glad I was the one who pulled the trigger - for Jared."

-  Ghost Gabby is trying to seduce Bo? Really? Some kind of slutty angel she makes.

-  Now slutty ghost Gabbs is showing off her dance moves!? This is freaking bizarre.

-  So Gabrielle gets to scheme and seduce in heaven, while Santa Claus Clint has to burn in hell? 

-  I was very upset by the idea of NuCole dying. And I wanted someone to slap Starr and tell her to get out of the doctors' way!

-  I didn't want Ford to die, either. Not because I really care about Ford, but because it means Jessica will go through the same exact storyline pattern once again. It's just more recycling. 

-  They should have just killed Marty off, then had her and Patrick show up as angels to take Cole to Heaven.  That way, no writers could destroy their characters any more!

-  David Gregory was fabulous today with Eddie in hell.

-  Great cliffhanger - either Cole or Ford is dead. I was surprised by how much I cared that it not be Cole.  Frank and Ron would be wise to bring Van Hughes to GH down the road as Cole.

- I'm glad the Heaven stuff only lasted for one episode.

Tuesday, 1/10

-  Starr reading Cole's obituary!? Oh no! What a great fake out!

-  Now hold the phone: John just said that "all prisoners" were accounted for except for Allison. So that means Lindsay went back to jail? I thought by the look Catherine Hickland gave at the end of Lindsay's appearance, that she was about to get in that car and TAKE OFF. Which is definitely what SHOULD have happened!

-  Does anyone else think that Brody might be Ryder's bio dad after all of this? They could totally redo it that way.  

-  Did anyone else wonder if James and Jessica would end up getting close because of Ford's death? 

-  Interesting that TPTB gave Nic Robuck so much material in the last week when he has been ignored for months and months. He did okay. There were some points in the James/Nate scenes where I thought some fake crying was going on, which is my biggest pet peeve of all. But they had a few good moments sprinkled in there.

-  I can't believe my ears with Starr saying Cole doesn't deserve to be in prison. Umm, he shot a guy who was handcuffed to a fence, point blank, because he thought he deserved it. HELLO??? That is called MURDER. 

-  This episode is not that good. 

-  I am starting to think of all the characters who I would like to see. Brody is up there at the top of the list.  But even more so, Tina, Cord, Kevin, Joey, Dorian, Marty, Renee....the list goes on.

-  Nice twist with Vimal doing the DNA test for Clint. I wish Vimal would have found out that Brody was actually Ryder's father somehow.

-  WTF: Todd "knows" where Marty is? That makes no sense. They are implying that Marty and Patrick are at the facility where Todd was held. But why would they be there, if Irene is dead? 

-  How did Todd get a hospital to pretend someone is dead? Give me a break.

-  So Todd gets a murderer out of jail as a favor to his daughter, and he is deemed a "hero?" Puh-lease.

-  LOL: Vimal getting Jessica and Natalie confused again, as a joke! Hee hee.

-  I was wondering if Todd had locked Cole up with Tomas.

-  Jessica does not seem very broken up about Ford, does she? 

-  I'm sorry, but Ford's death would bring Tess out - FOR SURE. Tess would be so freaking angry with Jessica, and blame her for his death! Hello?

-  Good for James dumping Starr's lying ass. Even though I do think James is a HUGE baby, at least he did the right thing. 

-  Here comes the long-dreaded... errr, long-awaited (?) Jolie reunion. Pass the horse blinders. 

Wednesday, 1/11

-  I can't believe Starr and James are getting this much air time this week. Enough already!

-  So... Jolie fans get their big reunion, and then John moves to Port Charles by himself? LOL!

-  Yeah we got some fake crying today, Nic Robuck! 

-  One actor seems to have gained a whole lotta weight, like outta nowhere. Good for him/her. I'll take a pudgy actor any day over a shitty one who fake cries! 

-  Oh man, this Jolie conversation is absurd and just going on and on and on....I hate to say it, folks, but I'm BORED. 3 episodes left and I'm bored. This is not good.

-  Shaun/Vivian? Really? Totally POINTLESS. The only good thing is TPTB did not force Vivian into an engagement. That would have really pissed me off.

-  Starr is so duplicitous. She was going to stay with James even though she loves Cole, AND she was going to lie to James' face pretending Cole is dead, while telling a bunch of other people? What a little byotch!

-  Vivian needs to RUN RUN RUN from possessive, marriage-obsessed Shaun!

-  Ugh. Shane getting accepted into a fancy art school... in ENGLAND...which Gigi applied to for him...before she died....months and months ago...please. This was the best Ron could come up with? Why did the Balsoms have to leave at all? What a gimmicky, silly way to leave.

-  Destiny is being obnoxious toward Matthew. 

-  Natalie: "You forgive me?" John: "There's nothing to forgive?" WHA??????????? There's NOTHING to forgive?  So... does that mean if she lies again (and again and again) that you won't mind this time? Cuz you know the bitch goin' lie.

-  Is it me or did Michael Easton just take off his shirt? I don't think he's EVER done that on OLTL. It's always the black tank top.

-  Jolie sex...let's just say, I may have looked away from the television screen. 

-  The writing for Rex/Gigi/Shane exit is complete bullshit. Rex and Gigi would never up and move to another country a week after getting Gigi back from the land of the dead, and reuniting as a family. Also, what will they do for work? Do they have ANY money? Don't they need to sort a million things out about their lives? Instead, they are moving to England? Whatever - it should have been New York City. At least that would have been slightly believable.

Thursday, 1/12

-  Blanca Morales ....ugh.

-  David Vickers...double ugh.

-  Tomas! It's about damn time.

-  Starr is moving to Los Angeles? WTF? What is wrong with these dumb asses who decide to move and then actually move that SAME DAY???  LOL!

-  Nice Judith Light snub.

-  Glad to see Roxy and Nigel, but this Frat Row/Blanca stuff is lame.

-  Who is going to raise Hope while Starr is trying to become a fame whore? Where are the nannies and servants? Oh... wait, that's what Markko and Langston are for!

-  I could have done without Agnes Nixon being on camera. Sorry.  

-  WTF: Nixon saying something about "AIDS and angels..."  Ummm... thanks for creating the show but you are not an actress, honey. 

-  This episode should be KILLING IT. Instead, it is just kind of "there."

-  Baker is watching Fraternity Row? Give me a f'n break.

-  How is Rex affording to move to England? 

-  ANOTHER Shaun/Vivian marriage talk? Ruh-eally?

-  Roxy mentioned Schuyler today - that was nice.

-  I feel like the show ended last week, and now this is all like sentimental stuff.

-  Nice to see Addie!

-  I feel like this episode is self-commentary rather than storytelling. Everyone is holding hands and singing "Kumbaya." Not my thing. And every able bodied adult is watching Fraternity Row's finale? That's funny, because I don't know anyone who watched OLTL's finale, except for this online community. Yet there is Vimal, sobbing over a soap opera even though he works a corporate 9-5 job. I think they should have kept the circle of soap fans smaller, like Roxy/Shaun/Destiny/Nigel. That's a pretty accurate sampling of a soap-watching population. 

-  LOL:  Viki was shot two days ago, and now she is totally back to normal!  Even though she's a heart transplant recipient.

-  Oh I know why everyone in Llanview watches Fraternity Row: Because no one has to work!!!!!!!!!

-  Who is going to live in Asa's mansion now? The Evanses?

-  Starr is moving RIGHT NOW? After JUST finding out that she is GOING to move? WTF, this is impossible to believe. So dumb.

-  Todd's crocodile tears are "proof" that he is a new man? Right, Blair, keep being on rocking those rocks in your brain cavity.

-  Nice Tomas/Tea reunion.

-  Who is David to lecture Matthew about "manning up?" Go find your own baby that you abandoned, dumb ass. And he tells Destiny that she did not CHOOSE this??? Um YES she chose it! She chose to let Matthew you know what without a condom, and she CHOSE to keep the baby after realizing she didn't want it. Such horrible writing!

-  Everyone is peer-pressuring Matthew into a relationship with Destiny. It's sad.

-  Starr didn't say goodbye to Viki.  Tragic.

The View - 1/13

  In some ways, this was better than the actual finale. Loved seeing Erika Slezak get worshipped by Whoopi and the other hosts.

-  Whoopi called Brian Frons OUT!!

-  Eww... okay, two of the hosts on this show are among the most unbearably annoying creatures I have ever laid eyes on!  Help!!! I have never watched the View before, and this is definitely going to be a one time deal!!! When Sherri Shephard opens her mouth, my brain cells start committing suicide! And that Hasslebeck...just a vapid mouthpiece.

-  Strasser!!! What the F*CK is she doing, LOL!? She is wielding some sort of mink stall or something. She is crazy and I love it!

-  Strasser and Slezak are tearing up and just worshipping one another. I love it. Although I have now heard Slezak describe Strasser's acting as a "Thanksgiving Feast" on at least three separate occasion. If the shoe fits...

-  I love Jerry Ver Dorn, but he hasn't been on the show that long. He seems kind of drunk, actually. 

-  Bob Woods and Hillary - loved their segment. They seem incredibly sweet.

-  Kassie DePaiva: "I am an aging slut." Hmmm, so she feels the same about Blair as we do?

-  Andrea Evans!!! Yes!!!

-  Wow. I thought Judith Light looked amazing and was very enjoyable. 

FINALE - 1/13

-  Barbara Garrick doing the voice over - such a shock.

-  Oh no. I thought Starr was gone. Didn't realize we had a whole day of Starr/Markko/Langston. Oye to the vey.

-  So... is One Life to Live a figment of Allison's imagination? Sure looks that way.

-  Destiny's delivery is horrible. It's like a textbook version of "How to make childbirth look really, really fake."

-  Starr tells Markko and Langston about Cole - but she wasn't going to tell James!? 

-  Todd/Blair... sorry, I think their scenes are boring. 

-  Blair to Todd: "There is nobody in the world I trust more than you." Just more proof of this woman's infinite stupidity.

-  Nice Jessica/Clint stuff. 

-  Destiny was squealing like a pig during the delivery.  And so was I.

-  Now Destiny is sitting on the couch holding her baby... she didn't need stitches or anything?  Really???

-  I was thinking Asa Evans. But Drew is nice, too.

-  The Jessica/Natalie scenes were really good. Jessica:  Finding you is the best thing that ever happened to me." I prefer when they are feuding, but for the finale, this was the right thing to do.