R.I.P. OLTL Part 1

The Endgame is unfolding and the end is nigh!!!

Just a head's up, folks. I will have one more regular column covering One Life to Live, and also a report on the Finale event here in Chicago, which I will be attending with superstar Ilene Kristen, the goddess Florencia Lozano, the Ford Brothers (clothed or unclothed, I am not sure), Josh Kelly (ditto), Marc Dobies, Matt Walton, Don Jeffcoat, and the divine Tonja Walker. Isn't it surreal that I will be watching the final episode with them? 

I'm not usually much of a star-struck fan boy, but I think I might have to demurely ask Florencia for a picture together. She really is my favorite actress right now. Anyway, I will be thinking of all of you while I'm there - representing you, as it were. 

Now here's where it gets a little coo coo nutso. Sadly, I'm not going to be able to participate in the VIP open bar (!!!) because later that night, I will be opening a play here in Chicago. Some of you already know this, but since it's all ending now, I might as well come clean and admit that I'm an actor here in Chicago. Maybe that will explain some of my over analyzing of the OLTL actors all these years. I have a degree in acting and continue to study it, so in some ways I am probably not the best person to write a weekly critique of a soap opera. However, I think holding the acting to a very high standard would actually be good for the genre, and I'm sticking to that story no matter what. I just hope if any of the actors I meet next week want to punch me in the face, they'll restrain themselves. And as I did in the past after being emailed by a current cast member who told me off for criticizing him/her too much, I want to take another opportunity to apologize to any actor whose feelings I ever may have hurt with my criticism. I know what that feels like and it sucks. However, part of being a professional actor is rising above the negative responses we are bound to get sometimes. It must be hard for soap stars though, especially when they are intentionally seeking out commentary on their performances...which apparently, they do quite often!   Considering the vitriol of the message boards, it's no wonder they can be a little sensitive to criticism. But it's also important to remember that the quality of acting on a show also reflects on the directors and casting department as well.   

Anyway... next weekend I am opening a show. Usually when this happens, you get a guest columnist or I take a week off. But it's the last week EVER!!! So of course I am not going to skip it. But... I want to warn you now that my next column will almost certainly go up late. I do NOT want to rush my response to the finale. I will also simultaneously be trying to write a review of the Celebrating Llanview event. And, like I said, opening in a play. I will be getting home past midnight every night for the next week and a half. The timing with OLTL going off the air SUCKS, but I knew this was coming for months now. I'm not ashamed to say that the worst thing about it is not being able to enjoy the VIP open bar, which is really quite nice. At the AMC event, those two mimosas made me feel a bit more comfortable while standing in a room with a bunch of soap stars. And I know I'm going to be waaaaaaaaaaaaaaay more nervous this time, because AMC is like mashed potatoes to me compared to OLTL. OLTL is it for me, even despite my disappointments with it in recent years. 

So consider yourself warned: My next column will be late. And then I may write another one, or not. I'm not sure. My editor and I haven't even talked about that. I will probably want to check in with you all at some point once OLTL characters and actors start flocking to GH. And I may have a little fan fiction up my sleeve later on.  Or I might just wash my hands of it and say, "Life goes on." I really don't know. But one thing I WILL do for sure is continue to check my email account. Maybe not very often, but I WILL check it. So don't be shy - you can always write to me if you want to dish about GH or anything else.

Okay, one more "real world" tid bit that might tickle you. I got my first flat screen TV for the holidays, using gift cards and such. And so I also upgraded to HD cable. Next on the list, I'll be upgrading my TiVo to some fancy newer version that allows one to watch You Tube on their TV (among other crazy features). So I have already planned out a way to cope with OLTL going off the air. Once I get the newer TiVo, I will start a tradition of sitting down once a week and watching You Tube clips from the old OLTL days on my flat screen. Ironically, the TiVo would have also allowed me to access something like the Online Network, where OLTL was SUPPOSED to be continuing to air. I'm already a You Tube addict, but I hate watching TV at my computer. So I will continue to watch OLTL on my actual TV....even if there are no new episodes. This way, I can relive some of the best storylines from the show's history while ignoring the rest. 

OLTL-GH

So what's to become of the rumored crossovers coming our way? I have watched GH just as long as OLTL. I know it very, very well. I do have a deep love for GH, but not as deep as OLTL. However... the acting on GH is and has always been superior to OLTL on the whole. There are individuals on OLTL, people like Erika Slezak, Robin Strasser, Susan Haskell, Florencia Lozano, Trevor St. John, who would easily be among the best GH actors of all time were that their show. But OLTL also allowed some pretty remedial actors to remain on air for periods of months and even years...sometimes decades!!! GH doesn't do that. If an actor isn't cutting it on GH, they WILL be gone in relatively short order. And because I'm an actor and study the craft, this particular strength of GH appeals to me greatly. Even if the storylines on GH aren't interesting me much, I can always count on seeing some great character scenes in every episode. Give me Nancy Grahan, Kimberly McCullough, Maurice Bernard, Steve Burton, Laura Wright, Jane Elliot, Tony Geary, Leslie Charleson....the list goes on. You can put any two of them in a room and have them talk about something as perfunctory as court papers, and it will still be a well-acted scene. GH's ensemble acting is in a league of its own.

So... my biggest hope with Frank and Ron taking over is that they do NOT mess up the ensemble acting. NO WEAK ACTORS! And I think they should be very picky and slow-going with bringing OLTL people over. First they have to get RID of a lot of GH actors. Thankfully Abby and Siobhan have already been killed off. I think Sean and Kate need to go next. And if Tony Geary doesn't want to stick around, then fine. I just think it needs to be one way or the other, not this constant see-saw. The stupid woman in white thing needs to be axed immediately. The two new doctors, ditto. Get them GONE. So a serial killer might not be a bad idea. And who can solve a serial killer case like John McBain?

Okay, I will admit it's impossible to type that with a straight face. But let's just pretend John is a good detective. I think he should be the first OLTL character or actor to come aboard. Purely storyline-dictated.  John will be obsessed with cracking the serial killer case. We will see him calling home to Natalie and we can tell she is worried about him. I don't think Natalie should come to Port Charles, so I'd go with one of two scenarios:  Either John becomes mental as a result of his work, and Natalie dumps him over the phone after moving on with someone else; or, Natalie comes to GH to confront John and the serial killer does her in. In any case, I do not see Natalie Buchanan - or sadly, ANY Buchanan's - fitting in on GH. I love the Buchanans but they belong in Llanview.

John McBain never really did belong there. I think he will be a perfect fit for Port Charles. But after his break up with Natalie, or perhaps, Natalie's death, who should pop over to GH next? Why, it's John's best friend Tea Delgado! A woman who understands grief. John is glad to see his friend, but Tea isn't there for friendship.  She's been retained to represent Sonny Corinthos. At this point, the serial killer storyline would wrap up and John's focus would shift toward Sonny. John becomes obsessed with Sonny, Jason, and breaking apart the organization. This pits John and Tea at opposite ends. Or does it? John would try to convince Tea to infiltrate the mob. Perhaps Sonny's mob even has some bizarre connection to Irene or Victor that piques Tea's interest. 

Now whatever the details of such a story, can you IMAGINE the chemistry between Florencia Lozano and Maurice Bernard? I'm sorry, I know the whole feisty lawyer/mob boss thing has been done, but I'm telling you - Lozano and Bernard would set the screen ON FIRE. They would have so much baggage to deal with and bond over, and Tea's friendship with John would be a real issue for them. Likewise, John's investigation against Sonny would lead him straight to two women: Sam and Carly. I know Easton had great chemistry with Kelly Monaco in the past, and a Jason/Sam/John triangle would certainly be a logical option. However, I believe the real hotness would be Carly/John. And I would also love to see Carly and Tea become fierce rivals and enemies. To throw coal on the fire, bring Danielle to GH and pair her with Michael. 

If Bree Williamson is coming on, I'd love to see her as a new character, perhaps the rumored Gina Soleito. One of my readers in the mail bag section suggests Serena Baldwin, which is a pretty great idea. Bree could also play Brook Lynn - though I think it's time to change that character's name to simply Brook Ashton, which sounds like an amazing soap diva in the making. JPL as Dillon Q would still work wonderfully (another reader below suggests Josh Kelly as Dillon, which would also work). I think Dillon should come back one way or the other. And although I like the Serena idea and wouldn't be opposed to Gina Soleito coming aboard, I think Bree should be used as Brook. If two young talents like Bree Williamson and John Paul-Lavoisier came aboard as Brook and Dillon, the Quartermaines' long-awaited revitalization would be well underway. And by filling those slots with OLTL actors, TPTB would be killing two birds with one stone. 

Another rumor I've heard or read (can't remember where) is Jerry ver Dorn coming on as Jeff Webber. I love that idea and would encourage a Jeff/Monica pairing if that happened. Maybe even a Monica/Jeff/Tracy triangle! As for Ted King returning as one of the Alcazars or as Tomas Delgado...I'm not feeling it. I liked King on GH, but both of his characters could remain dead I think. I'm sorry, if I were writing the show I would not want to write for King right now. He is so low key... in a way, having him and Easton on the same show is redundant. I don't see any of King's three characters as exciting for GH right now. The ONLY conceivable way I would feel interested in an Alcazar return is if Robin Christopher came back permanently as Skye. With or without Alcazar, I would be in favor of her return. HUGE Skye fan here. A little Tea/Skye feud couldn't hurt anyone. 

Guest appearances and short term roles could be filled by amazing talents such as Kassie DePaivia, Erika Slezak, Robin Strasser, etc. Heck, I would cast Robin Strasser as Sonny's presumed dead mother. Can you IMAGINE the acting clinics that would happen between Bernard and Strasser? Erika Slezak could play a homeless woman with a secret (maybe she is Elizabeth and Steve's mother!?). But I do think Viki, Dorian, the Buchanans, Lords, and Mannings should mostly stay in our memories. They are unique to Llanview, PA.

However, I wouldn't mind, down the road.... once Sonny and Tea are ready to head to the altar... if Victor Lord, Jr. turned up alive and well. Bring on Maurice Bernard vs. Trevor St. John any ol' day. The possibilities are endless. I just had to put in my two cents about what I think Frank and Ron's best options are. Thoughts???

The Episodes

I have three weeks of episodes to get through, so I'm going to try to streamline the comments I have written down. But I will say, as far as the prison break goes, I didn't like it at first. Everything felt forced and too plotty...the new Cole recast jarred me really badly at first - though now I think he is actually quite great.  However, having a recast Cole without Marty or Patrick around is a mistake, in my opinion. I also felt jarred by the initial Bo/Lindsay scenes. They did NOT ring true for this die hard Lindsay fan. But after the first day passed, I started to get swept up in it all - especially the unbelievably phenomenal return of Allison Perkins.  Barbara Garrick is ridiculously brilliant. Though I find it quite odd that characters like Tea and Roxy are completely missing from the storyline so far, I have been riveted by the return of Allison, and of course, appreciative of getting to see Catherine Hickland return to the show that dumped her like a used tissue. Now, on to the eppy's...

Monday, 12/19 - Fraternity Row Fantasy

-  Roger Howarth pronounced the word "Damned" as "Dam-ned," and indication of his Shakespearian training. I like that ;)

-  Blair is playing a sleuth and Tea is playing an airhead - so, they've switched places.

-  Ilene Kristen and Erika Slezak owned this episode. Some of the other cast members, not so much.

-  I have written down: "Seems they are making fun of soaps rather than paying tribute." 

-  I didn't get John and Natalie's characters. Were they supposed to be high school students? Umm... Easton is around 40 and Archer is in her 30's...

-  Nice inside joke with Howarth being overly sexual and semi-nude.

-  I mentioned this in the last column, but a lot of the dialogue and acting in this episode left me feeling a bit uncomfortable. A lot of it screamed "amateur hour" and did not seem respectful of soap opera. Not my favorite "special episode." Not even close. 

-  The homoerotic Ford Brother threesome-ish scenes certainly screamed, "Frank and Ron!"  LOL

-  LOL: Starr's name is now "Moon." Hah.

-  Destiny is Irene Manning? This is getting ridiculous.

-  The best part of this was the last scene, where Roxy and David walk down the cleared-out studio hallway.  For me, that was a moment of "This is real - it is going to end soon."

Tuesday, 12/20

-  I certainly could do without Moe and Noelle saying idiotic things about "the great pie maker in the sky." Ugh.

-  The pie contest and Delbert Fina, Jr. were a HOT MESS. TERRIBLE.

-  A pie judge would never taste the pies standing up. He/she/it would be sitting. 

-  The pie contest makes no sense. A quasi-scientist comes to a diner to taste a pie that ANYONE could have baked, or that could be store-bought, takes a couple of bites, and proclaims it the winner? WTH? Plus Noelle is the only contestant, apparently.

-  Rex's book saying "Don't Give Up" = stupid. We know Gigi is alive. At this point, these "messages" Rex receives seem hokey. 

-  Viki made it from the Paris International Airport (puh-lease!) back to Llanfair in FIVE MINUTES flat.

Wednesday, 12/21

-  The Rex/Gigi scenes were pretty good, but I did not care for the way Rex tore right into her, without even commenting on how she looks exactly like Gigi. Rex should have been really shocked and confused rather than just angry and indignant. 

-  Then, finally the question I have been waiting for: "What did you do to your voice?" Finally someone notices that "Stacy's" voice is Gigi's voice.

-  Shane's hair frightens me.

-  I really enjoy Lea Delaria as Madame Delphina, but I find it very odd that she is getting so much screen time between her two characters, when there are only a few weeks left. As a writer, I would not have permitted that.

-  I thought the Kimberly/Clint scenes were really good... I thought Amanda Setton was nicely understated and gave a more mature performance than I've seen from her so far. It's actually refreshing to see women like Kimberly and Audrey realize the man they want doesn't want them back, and it's time to move on. How often does that happen on a soap?

-  I must admit that I liked Jack's confession to Neela. Andrew Trischitta has come quite a long way, if you think back to his first months on the show, which were torturous.

-  Seeing David Vickers only makes me painfully aware of Dorian's absence.

-  Once again I feel Tuc Watkin's shenanigans are distracting from the show. The chipmunk voice was unnecessary. Again, with only three or four weeks left, I don't care if David Vickers is clowning around. It has nothing to do with anything relevant. 

-  So after months of doing whatever he wants just because he wants to, Cutter now confesses all of his crimes... because of freaking Delbert Fina lecturing him at the airport? Really?????

Thursday, 12/22

-  I shouted at Neela today: "Don't tell Shane!" Even though I love Shane, I didn't want Neela to turn the tape in. I can't believe it but I actually cared about Jack for the first time all year.

-  John and Tea have had scenes together practically every single day for weeks now...Prospect Park triangle was in the works, I tell ya.

-  I found it creepy how Todd was acting like a wing man for his own son.

-  I can't believe Delbert Fina is STILL ON. Come on, people!!!

-  What can I say? The time travel television contraption with Delbert Fina was the worst thing I've ever seen.  Embarrassing.

-  Can someone please inform Aubrey that she does not live at the Buchanan Mansion? Girlfriend needs to get a life or a job.

-  Delbert Fina's incessant stuttering is fraying my nerves severely.

-  I'm totally okay with the occasional sci-fi story on soaps. But I am not okay with CRAPPY sci-fi. 

-  So... Delbert Fina can let people watch things that happened in the past on a magical television... AND he is a pie eating judge in Paris, TX? WTF, writers? 

-  Nate and Dani's reconciliation was nice. I didn't really care about them anymore as a couple, yet I found myself a bit touched by the scenes.

-  I wrote in my notes:  "One of the worst episodes in the history of One Life to Live." Not something I expected to be saying this late in the game!!!

Friday, 12/23

-  More John/Tea! Nice.

-  MORE DEL FINA!?!?!?  I actually feel REALLY bad for Farah Fath and John-Paul Lavoisier, because this magical time traveling television shit is humiliating.

-  However, I liked the direction when Jack's confession on the tape started to overlap with flashbacks of Gigi in the basement.

-  Nice reference to Echo going down the Manning chimney last year. Too bad Echo is NOWHERE TO BE FOUND!

-  Gigi couldn't get out of the basement to save her life, but Stacy walked RIGHT in with no problem. 

-  Viki: "You are cavorting with a girl half my age and one-tenth of my intellect." DAYUM!!! However, I think Viki meant to say "one third my age." Let's get serious now! I love when Viki is a diva like this, though.

-  WOW. John-Paul Lavoisier was excellent in the recognition scenes. Farah Fath was, too. I will admit these were some good Rex/Gigi scenes. Hell hath frozen over!

-  But then when Gigi's memories came back, did you notice that every single memory was of kissing Rex? I would have LOVED for some humor here...Gigi's memory comes back with flashes of trying to work a calculator, drawing pretty pictures, slinging hash, and maybe punching Adriana, LOL!

-  Todd Manning as Santa Claus? Are they trying to give the children nightmares?

-  One soap opera trend I will not miss: Christmas presents arriving from characters who died 9 months earlier. I'm sorry but people like Victor Lord Jr. do not buy Christmas presents a year early. 

BEST PERFORMANCE OF THE WEEK:  1.  John-Paul Lavoisier  2.  Erika Slezak  3.  Ilene Kristen  4.  Farah Fath  5.  Jerry ver Dorn

BEST SCENES OF THE WEEK:  Rex and Gigi's reunion;  Roxy and David walking down the empty hallway at Fraternity Row's studio

WORST THING ABOUT THIS WEEK:  Delbert Fina and the time travel television

BIGGEST SURPRISE:  Rooting for Jack and not hating Gigi and Rex

Monday, 12/26 - Pre-empted/Replay of Victor's shooting

Tuesday, 12/27

-  The Blair/Jack jail scenes were spectacular. Probably the best Blair scenes in a long, long time. I loved the realness. Blair was so hurt and trying to be tough...I felt bad for her because it sucks when a child says something to hurt their mother. On the other hand, I found myself cheering Jack on when he accused Blair of not being there for him. I could see both of their points, but in the end I sided with Blair because she really has been Jack's best friend through everything. She's a bad mother but at least she WANTS to be a good mother and is doing her best. It's just hard to take her seriously when she brought Spencer Truman in to be Jack's father figure. And then Eli, too? Her judgment is notoriously bad. Kassie DePaivia was outstanding today, and Andrew Trischitta is improving yet again.

-  Why hasn't Gigi asked about Shane's mental health? When she "died," Shane was still borderline suicidal.  Wouldn't she be panicked about Shane more than anything else? She and Rex just chilled out over night and did not even tell Shane she was alive. 

-  LOVE LOVE LOVE the Grandpa Clint/Shane scenes. 

-  Gigi's reaction to hearing Shane call Clint "Grandpa" was priceless.

-  I have a problem with Blair insisting that Todd IS Jack's only dad, no matter what. In that case, she is NOT Sam's mother. Margaret is.

-  I wish Crazy Margaret could have come back somehow.

-  Wow, Blair scared me when she practically tore Jack a new ass hole. Extremely entertaining scenes!!!  Kassie DP was on fire.

-  Gigi: "Who's Victor Lord, Jr." LOL

-  Rex and Gigi also made it from Paris to Llanfair in under five minutes. I would REALLY like to know how.

-  The Shane/Gigi reunion made me cry. It was astonishing, really. The single best moment was when Shane - after a long pause - whimpered, "Mommy?" That was a stroke of sheer genius. Whoever wrote that line gets a big fat GOLD STAR!!! Can I also say that Austin Williams is such a strong young actor!?!? Wow, he knows what he is doing, folks.

 

Wednesday, 12/28

-  Gigi to Shane: "Look at your hair.  Can you see?"  HAH!!!!!!!!

-  Starr is whining to Rick while Jack is rotting in jail? Interesting.

-  Viki and Clint were just in Llanfair yesterday, and it's the same Rex/Gigi scene...so where are Viki and Clint?  They have been gone for a long time. I think they are having sex! Or, I suppose, napping.

-  Austin Peck is crazy. He cracked me up today, especially when Rick started talking like a female Puerto Rican.

-  I wish Starr would dump James for Rick. That would be hilarious.

-  John is acting like he and Gigi were great friends, but that's not how I remember it. I remember them basically not even getting along and being completely snarky and cold toward each other. I'm surprised that John feels he owes loyalty to Gigi over Jack, who is Blair's child. I would think John's loyalty would be with Blair over Gigi. Guess not.

-  Whoa. Jack called Neela a "back-stabbing bitch."

-  My fantasy fiction story for Aubrey? She goes to London to see Joey again, but meets and falls for Kevin instead. Aubrey and Kevin fall in love but Kelly and Joey set out to keep them apart... in the process hurting their own relationship.

-  Gigi handled the news of Rex/Aubrey extremely maturely.

-  What can be said about the "JAIL BATE" video where Starr is acting like a slut and dressed like one, too?  This is what has become of Starr Manning, y'all! Trashy soft core porn. At this rate, she might as well just do full out porn.

-  I thought Rama was going to go off on Todd for attacking Neela, but instead she whisked Neela away. What a smart move - though not as entertaining! 

 

Thursday, 12/29

-  Loved how mean Gigi was toward Jack

-  Great character bit: John doesn't know what MyFace is!  Of course he doesn't!!!

-  Natalie "signed John up" for a MyFace account? Wha??? Isn't that illegal? Did she want to have access to John's private messages and what not?  Why would she sign him up? 

-  Nice Viki/Clint argument about Jack. Finally now that the show is ending, this conversation happens. 

-  Blair/Todd is still boring me to tears.

-  FINALLY Todd asks Blair why she gives two shits about Tea. Hello, Todd still apparently doesn't know anything that's happened in the last 8 years.

-  Of course, the second Gigi set foot back in Llanview, she took up her old position as Head Jolie Cheerleader.  I guess Roxy can take a rest now.

-  Is it me, or did Tea and John learn the details of the Gigi/Stacy back-story via osmosis? They see Gigi alive, are happy, and then in the next scene they are discussing details as if they have downloaded the magical time travel television program into their brains. Whatever, none of that made sense.

-  LOVED that Todd just realized, out of the blue, that Tea knows he killed Victor. Nice to see a character use their brains for a change.

-  Nice Aubrey/Rex goodbye scene. Terri Conn did a great job on the show.

-  Cutter:  "I'm too pretty for prison." 

-  Nice Viki/Gigi reunion. 

-  Dang, Natalie was a straight up bitch to Jack today. See, this whole Buchanan vs. Manning element could have been really interesting, but we never saw any inter-familial complications from Jack's storyline until now.... when the show is ending. Too bad.

-  Goodbye Kim, Cutter, Rick and Aubrey.

-  The Gigi/Rex stuff is old school soap romance. I can't say I mind it, really.  Who woulda thunk it?

 

Friday, 12/30

-  All I could think when Blair destroyed Tomas' painting was, "MORON.">

-  Starr and James just had a really ugly fight out of nowhere, after James not being on the show for like a month. I guess this means NuCole is about to show up.

-  I love that Delphina is officiating Rex and Gigi's wedding. Is this daytime's first Neo-Pagan wedding? Who knew???

-  See, now today Lea Delaria was exceptional...totally understated, simple, and genuine. I'll take this any day over that stuttering Delbert Fina.

-  Nice JPL/Farah flashbacks. It's kind of scary how young they were.

-  Wow.  John-Paul Lavoisier BLEW ME AWAY today. I think JPL deserves an Emmy nomination next year, between these scenes and earlier in the year when Gigi died. Best work of his career, easily.

-  I gotta say, this Rex/Gigi wedding was ROMANTIC. Right? Am I nuts? I'm not saying they are my favorite couple, but their wedding had an old school soapy feeling to it that I rarely see anymore with soap weddings. 

-  Surprise, Gigi: Welcome back...  you will now be living in... a huge mansion!!! Congratulations on your return from the dead upgrade! 

-  Who should live in the carriage house now? I say give it to Nigel! 

-  Rex is balling! I can't handle it!!!

 

 

 

BEST PERFORMANCE OF THE WEEK:  1.  John-Paul Lavoisier  2.  Kassie DePaivia  3.  Austin Williams  4.  Farah Fath  5.  Terri Conn     

BEST SCENES OF THE WEEK:  "Mommy?";  Rex and Gigi's Wedding Vows;  Blair and Jack in Jail

STRANGEST MOMENT:  Austin Peck channels Anita from West Side Story

 

Monday, 1/2 - Pre-empted for football!?  LAME!!!  Only 9 Episodes Left!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Tuesday, 1/3

-  Seeing the Cole recast at first was extremely jarring for me. But... Van Hughes is actually really stellar. I like him a lot.  He's a very good recast for Cole. It's just hard to see a character recast in the last two weeks of the show. Also, Cole's presence really reinforces the pain of not having closure for Marty.

-  One of the worst things about the prison break is all of the screen time Grandpa Evans gets, where he seems to be reading his lines off of a note pad. Pretty painful. 

-  Bo left Nora sleeping in their apartment, without telling her there was a prison break? WTH, Bo?

-  Statesville Prison seems as inept as the LPD now.

-  Right after Blair said it's too soon for her to move on, Todd started pressuring her. Their relationship is sick.

-  Clearly, Troy has gotten much crazier in prison. Dang.

-  Another flaw in the prison story: Where is Daniel Coulson? I would have LOVED to see Daniel and Troy fighting over who gets to torture Nora. Then, when Lindsay showed up, she could have shot Daniel in the head for killing Jen.

-  Loved the Mitch/Nat fight where Nat was strangling him! 

-  Ouch. Mr. Evans/Bo/John scenes are really awful. How stupid that they think some guy with a bloody face is Mitch. 

-  Where is Schuyler? Your'e telling me Mitch would escape without his son?

-  Where is Carlo?

-  Where the hell are Todd and Blair? Are they in Blair's bedroom or something? They were just where Starr and Cole are now, but they just disappeared. Are they in the pool house? 

-  It seemed for a minute there that Blair was just not into Todd anymore. How great if he went through all if this trouble only for Blair to say, "I don't want you." 

-  Bo asked about Troy's whereabouts but not Daniel Coulson's? Hello??? 

-  Ewww.  Blair just promised Todd to get back together with him SOMEDAY, just not right now. Does that make ANY sense? No.

-  So Patrick wrote to Cole to tell him he and Marty are happy and that Marty is recovered. Umm... but no mention of how she was FRAMED for killing Dr. Buhari? Come on, Ron. Don't end the show with Marty as a cold blooded killer.

-  Kristen Alderson and Van Hughes are great together.

-  Didn't like the Troy/Nora scenes at first, but I do like how Nora started playing along with him. She's smart.

-  The end of this episode was Todd kissing Blair on her collar bone. Dumb. These first two days of the prison break did not impress me.

 

Wednesday, 1/4

-  I can't believe I am still having to watch Grandpa Evans. Come on people, 6 episodes left! No more crap, please!!!

-  How does Mitch know that Clint has Stacy's heart instead of Gigi's? Clint just found that out like two days ago. I'm confused about that one.

-  You know I am the BIGGEST Lindsay fan on earth, but... I hated how she was outside on the porch (are you really telling me she climbed up the fire escape???). I also hated the first batch of Lindsay/Bo scenes here. The writing does not ring true for Lindsay. She is not this altruistic. Also, the back-story for Lindsay and Troy in the prison library was STUPID. Lindsay should have come straight to see Bo, THEN found out what Troy was up to, THEN offered to help. That way, we wouldn't have known whether she would really help or if she would end up helping Troy. Would have been more in line with her character. The writing would have been more believable, too.

-  James is acting like a douche bag. Even though Cole is a recast, Starr/Cole is definitely where it's at. Even though their relationship went downhill, Starr REALLY went downhill after Cole left the show.

-  I'm still confused about where Todd and Blair are while cops are searching La Boulaie and Sam is running around doing whatever he pleases at one in the morning.

-  Loving Van Hughes. 

-  How does Troy have access to this cabin in the woods? Give me a break.

-  I was hoping Jessica would summon her alters to help with Mitch.

-  If Starr gets caught harboring an escaped prisoner, she could just make another soft core porn music video about it.

-  First real OMG Moment of the week: Mitch slaps Natalie across the face - WITH A BIBLE! Oh no they didn't!!!

-  Wasn't really feeling the Troy/Nora scenes at ALL...until he pulled the needle out. It's kind of genius of the writers to take us back to the glory days of Lindsay/Nora. That one syringe took me RIGHT back to it all. Good call.

-  James is acting like La Boulaie is his house. He is really annoying me.

-  I guess Sam isn't good with secrets, eh?

 

Thursday, 1/5

 

-  Did you see Starr smile after Cole kissed her? I think we know which man Kristen Alderson wants Starr to be with ;

-  Okay, HERE WE GO: Nora/Lindsay FLASHBACKS!!! Oh hell yes. More, please!

-  I love that Trolin wants to erase Nora's memory! Someone needs to get that injection... hmmm who should it be? It would be nice to see Mitch get his memory erased.

-  I didn't like how James was manipulating Sam.

-  I really, really hope Hannah kills James. I know it's going to be Cole, but I WANT so badly for her to shoot James in the head. I would have also preferred if Starr got shot, and then she could have asked for Cole to be with her instead of James, and James could have overheard her tell Cole she still loves him. Then James could have slinked away and just disappeared. 

-  HANNAH!!!  Yes, please!!!

-  LOL:  The television news says that Hannah tried to kill "up and coming pop star Starr Manning."  Gag!

-  Glad they explained that Hannah got transferred to Statesville from St. Anne's.

-  Okay, if Mitch impregnated Natalie, then Jessica would be sisters with Natalie - AND sisters with Natalie's daughter. How messed up is THAT?

-  Of course Ford shows up now...I'm sure he'll be shot or something soon enough.

-  I love Roscoe Born but Mitch is on my nerves already. He needs to get killed.

-  Bo and Lindsay went to the cabin by themselves? Seriously? Does Bo not realize he is a 65 year old man?  It's okay to ask for back up, dude!

-  Part of me wanted Lindsay to turn on Bo and Nora. I can't help it. I love Lindsay when she is batshit.

-  Starr just said that Cole "shouldn't be in jail in the first place." Huh? He murdered a man in cold blood while he was defenseless. Yes, he SHOULD be in jail!!

-  OMG OMG OMG it's ALLISON PERKINS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  Bring on the GENIUS of Barbara Garrick!!! Whew hew, I'm a happy camper now!

-  Hannah/Todd is an interesting match. 

-  Lindsay tells Nora and Troy that she killed Bo - yes! At least Lindsay gets to pretend she is still crazy!  Nice!!!

-  What ever happened to Llanfair's security?  Psychos just walk on through the sliding doors whenever they feel like it.

-  Where is Nigel?

-  Words cannot describe how amazing I think Allison/Barbara Garrick is.

-  Allison has been "empowered by Oprah!" 

-  How very intriguing that Allison is not doing Mitch's bidding. She is actually talking smack about Mitch! This is truly a nice twist.

-  Allison masterminded the prison break!? Okay, now that is pretty hard to believe.

-  Allison: "It's amazing how much I let myself do the dirty work with no credit. Wanna drive Viki crazy? Call Allison. Need a baby switched? Allison will do it.  ant somebody dead? I'm sure Allison's not busy. She'd be happy to!"  Brilliant!

-  OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOH!  Allison just called Natalie "Slutty McSlut-Slut."  God I love her!

-  Allison to Viki: "Your precious girls - Slutty and Coo-Coo...Twin Sisters by Different Misters." Love it. And obviously, Ron is about to undo Jessica's paternity. And I think that's a pretty wise decision. 

-  Loved Cole playing along with Hannah. This NuCole seems smarter than the Cole I remember. 

-  Why didn't Bo shoot Troy from behind? WTF? Troy can out fight Bo for sure. 

-  AMAZING cliffhanger endings!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

Friday, 1/

-  Bo shoots Troy! But did you see him glance down at himself? He's been shot, I fear.  Plus we know Gabrielle's angel is coming next week.  There can only be one reason, people.... 

-  WOW.  Ford = death by chandelier. And he will see Daddy Dearest in the after life, and my prediction is we'll find out Ford killed Eddie and let his own brother take the wrap for it, which is why he will got to hell where Eddie is.

-  Cole's been shot through the heart. Damn.  I hate it.  Should have been James or even Starr.  NOT Cole.  If they kill Cole I will be PISSED, because it's yet another F-You to Marty.

-  Please tell me that look on Lindsay's face means she is going to take that car and RUN!!!! 

-  Yep, Bo is shot.  Uh-oh. 

-  Clint is Jessica's father.  Now just think on all the drama that could have been avoided if Allison wouldn't have faked the DNA tests.

-  Nora has to ask Troy to save Bo = brilliant!  But if I were Nora, I would think about injecting Troy with that needle first!

-  Todd/Hannah is interesting, but what is the point of their scenes?  I don't get it.

-  Why is Allison revealing her secret?  Isn't she afraid Mitch will find out the truth and want to kill her?  I don't get the reasoning behind it.

-  Nora should be applying pressure to Bo's wound instead of begging Troy

-  Hillary Smith was on fire today.

-  Viki shot - NO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! 

-  Clint heart attack!!!!!!!!!!!!!!?????????????????????  Holy SHIT.  I did not see that coming.  Dear God that can't be good for a heart transplant patient!  Is Clint going to die?  No, because Jerry Ver Dorn signed with Prospect Park.  Unlike Bob Woods.... I think Bo is going to die and then Destiny will name her baby after him.

-  Oh GAWD.  Starr lip syncing in the chapel was so DUMB.  They should have played that track in the background.  Starr singing... wrong.  Just wrong.

-  John kills Mitch!  Wow, this is what you call an action-packed episode. 

-  This episode could have actually been the Finale.  These were the kinds of cliffhangers I was expecting for the finale. 

What will happen next week?  Who will die?  I think it's going to be Bo.  If so, pass the tissues.  If Ford dies, who cares.  I mean, I would care a little bit, but Jessica is used to it by now. 
 

 

Performance of the Week:  1.   Barbara Garrick  2.  Hillary Smith  3.  Melissa Archer  4.  Catherine Hickland  5.  Roscoe Born

Best Scenes of the Week:    Allison's Bombshell reveal

Biggest Shock:  Jessica is Cint's daughter!  Clint's heart attack! 

M.I.A.:  Tea, Roxy, Nigel, Nate, Danielle, Rex

 

 

MAIL BAG

"OMG-- YOU ARE AMAZING!!!   I’m not believing how perfect and consistent you have expressed my thoughts and feelings re OLTL thru the years.  I will so miss your columns-- I totally agreed with your assessment of the Best and Worst of 2011.  And even though I was disappointed w/writers,  storylines, and some characters often throughout the years, I will also miss OLTL.  I do believe I’ve become somewhat traumatized by the fact that  it is ending and how very much I dislike cooking shows, but all is well that ends well—Cord and Tina, Vicki and Clint, and hopefully Tea and someone to love.   Be blessed!"  - Lee

Thanks, Lee!  I have such mixed feelings about the show going off the air.  I'm not totally enjoying this prison break story, and I don't think going to Heaven is that exciting, either.  So I'm kind of withdrawing already into letting go of it.  But I also got HD cable with hundreds of channels so I'll have lots of options now.  Ironically, one of those options is Soapnet.  Too bad there's nothing on there I'd want to watch.  And Disney owns it, so never mind.   

"I completely panicked last week when your column didn't go up. I immediately thought, "is this the end?" glad to see you're back! I  have to say I agreed with pretty much EVERYTHING on your best and worst of 2011 list. Of course you already know how much I love Tea, Victor, VnT, and Irene. Brilliant. You also know how much I loathe Todd and the fact that he destroyed my favorite couple and killed my favorite character. I'm just getting a little worried now. I'm afraid that TPTB would want Todd to have a "happy ending" with Blair and will therefore make him innocent at the last second. This would hurt, because it would mean everyone but Tea would get a happy ending. Since RH wasn't going to PP, it's highly likely that he WILL in fact be the killer, but I can't help but worry. I definitely wish they would have played out the Todd vs. Victor storyline! Biggest wasted opportunity TPTB!"  - Kiara

Yeah... I'm pretty much assuming that Blair/Todd will have some sort of eye-rolling happy ending.  I hope not, because they don't deserve it quite frankly. 

"The best couple on One Life to Live for not only this year, but the past few years is most certainly Victor and Tea. Not only did Trevor St. John and Florenica Lozano have explosive chemistry that was somewhat lost on the show until then, but they added a complexity that was also in a haze. They could be cutesy and it wasn't gag-worthy, they could scream and yell at each other and you'd still root for them, and with these two super star performers, they could turn ANY scene thrown at them into gold. Thats why the biggest F-U to fans was killing off St. John's character. It wasn't even the issue that he wasn't the "real" Todd (though that was also annoying as hell!), but the total lack of respect for not only the enormous fan base that had grown for the couple, but for St. John who had WANTED to stay. I am so upset and disappointed that TPTB did this as us major Victor and Tea fans get absolutely NO reward in the end. Watching a monotone Roger Howarth portray a disgusting character is not that payoff I wanted and I wish Ron and Frank would have realized that long ago."  - Nicole

I agree completely.  I am not really feeling Roger Howarth as Todd at all, and find the entire Manning clan to be uninteresting. 

"Wow what a disappointing send off a blackout and jail break a bunch of mindless plot points once again. I would rather have had Todd and Baker run into Marty, Victor Jr. and Patrick in Irene’s headquarters than watch a replacement Cole and Starr. Gigi and Rex’s wedding, a couple with little importance or impact that no one cares about and has no real relations to any of the main families trying to make them seem like important characters that they are not. I would rather have watched Dorian and Viki in that secret room together reading a phone book. Marty/Todd and Victor Jr., stranded in an elevator trying to figure out who did what to whom. Tina, Cord and David Vickers locked in a wrestling match. Honestly, I would prefer to watch a couple a weeks worth of clips with OLTL important plotlines over the years than what is on now."  - Stacy

I have to agree that the last two weeks of the show shouldn't have been so plotty.  I'd much rather see the important characters - Dorian, Marty, and Victor - return for resolution.  The prison break stuff is okay, but between that and going to Heaven for the fourth or fifth time, I feel relatively disappointed.  But I'm used to feeling that way about OLTL. 

"I cannot believe they are wasting the last couple of weeks of OLTL with retreads of Troy and Mitch, etc.  How many times do we have to see the exact same Mitch Lawrence story, kidnap and revenge and contempt for religion by making a spoof of G-d?  Why do we have to see Troy obsessing over Nora once again?  Does Cole REALLY expect Starr to run away with him?  I will mourn the loss of OLTL, but I will not mourn the manipulation by the so-called writers."  - Karen

I'm trying not to be a Negative Nancy, but... the writing isn't very good. 

"I guess I'm a "Johnny-Come-Lately", having only been a OLTL newbie/fan since June 2008 (Nash's death/Tess's return)...but from everything I've witnessed since that pivotal DYNASTY moment when Clint strangled Dorian, Blake/Alexis-style...the trio who I'm shocked as hell that I'm rooting for when it comes to happy endings & great escapes before the prison break blackout: REX/GIGI/SHANE! I was literally hoping they would be living it up in the back of an exit limo out of Llanview, never noticing that the lights went out upon their final departure!"  - Chance

You know... I'm kind of rooting for them too.  I think it's mostly because I adore Shane.  The writers have been very clever in turning the fans around toward Gigi.  They killed her and had her son try to kill himself... if you look at it on paper alone, it's obvious the writers were desperate to get the fans to stop hating Gigi.  And guess what?  It worked. 

"I have a wishful casting thought of Josh Kelly be cast as Dillon Quartermaine instead of the rumor of JPL being cast as Dillon that was buzzed about last summer!"  - Chris

Actually, I like the idea.  I can see Josh Kelly and Jane Elliot working well together. 

"I would love it if you wrote about how the writers' (Carlivati... how anyone thinks this man is good is odd) thinking led to the shows demise. If you wrote some one life to live fan fiction I would read it."  - Candace

Thanks, Candace.  Everyone blames Frons, ABC, Disney, budget cuts... but I am not going to pussyfoot around and say I think the writing has been helpful.  In some ways the writing has been decent, but in others it's been just uninspired and dumb.  The show's failure has some to do with the writing, but there are so many other factors at play, too.  The blame game is pointless now, I suppose. 

"I would love to see a bunch of OLTLers pop up in Port Charles, namely: JPL as the new Dillon (that should be a no-brainer, b/c of his humor and the need to bolster a core family), Bree as Serena Baldwin (another great legacy family character that could stir alot of pots namely the Spencer/Baldwin dynamic, on that note wouldn't mind seeing Kristen Alderson as Serena's little sister Christina) Tea/Florencia - I don't care how many lawyers are in PC, she is just too good to lose! I'll even throw McBain in there if for no other reason than his budding chemistry w/Florencia and his proven chemistry with Kelly Monaco."  - Kamilah

I agree that Tea MUST go to General Hospital to be Sonny's new lawyer ;)  Love the Serena Baldwin idea.  Serena is a great character name for Bree Williamson, too!  But I heard Bree is going to play Gina Soleito.  I guess we will find out soon enough. 

"I want my hair and makeup down by the Statesville Pen...really, they do such fine work."  - Laura

LOL!  Seriously.  Who is doing Lindsay's highlights in prison? 

 

 

 

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Jeremy in Chicago

 

 

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