Okay, where's all the Christmas cookies and eggnog?
Somebody pull dear old Uncle Herb out
of the punchbowl, dust the crumbs off his holiday sweater, and prop him under
the tree with the present! Christmas is almost here and we still have to check
the lists of those lovely Oakdale ladies, to see what they want from Santa this
year. So let's dig into the old mailbag and see what the girls want this year.
Hi Santa, it's me again, and you'll notice that my list
isn't nearly as long this year as it has been in the past. I'm not into
material things so much anymore, I don't want clothes, and shoes, and jewelry,
and CDs, and hair accessories, and a cellphone, and more clothes. I have bigger
things to worry about. I thought I had the perfect boyfriend. I spent the
summer plotting and planning to be with him. I even wrote my name and his and
drew little hearts around them. Finally, Chris and I slept together, but then
he dumped me! Then I slept with my friend Aaron, who'd just gotten dumped by
his girlfriend. Then I found out my queasiness wasn't too much pumpkin pie, I
was pregnant! I really wanted Chris to be the father, but like I said, he dumped
me and left town, so I told Aaron he was the father, and we got married, but he
really wants to get back with his ex-girlfriend, who's not really very happy
with either of us right now, and then Chris came back to town and is being so
pushy about maybe being the father, and Santa, what I really think I need for
all this is a scorecard. One of those kind that is erasable would be nice. It
would make keeping track of my life a little easier! Thanks! Lots of Love,
Allison
All right
Santa, you know me. I'm a kind, loving woman who values her children more than
anything else in the world. I would do anything to make them happy, even though
they are usually less than grateful to me for all that I do for them. I
sacrifice and I sacrifice for them, and they either turn their backs on me, or
my ex-husband gets some idiotic court order to keep me away from them. Oh no,
Santa, I don't want any thanks, no, not me. I'm just content to keep one son
from making the mistake of his life, the other son from being separated from me
because you know he needs his mother so much, and my daughter from going back to
Europe to some golddigging Eurotrash boyfriend. No one in town seems to
understand that without me my children will ruin their lives. I know what's
best for them, only me, and no one else but me, do you understand? They need to
listen to me! Someday they'll thank me for cleaning up all their messes, yes
they will! Then they will all come back to me, and we'll be a loving family
again, celebrating Christmas, just me and Paul and Jennifer and Will, forever
and ever and ever! Anyway, Santa, for Christmas I need a new place to hide a
few items. I do have a 'grave' little spot, but I'm afraid it will get full
with all the evidence I've been suppressing lately. Someplace where Hal or the
other Oakdale snoops won't poke their little search-warrant-clutching hands
into. Thank you, Santa. You've been more than kind. Yours truly, Barbara
Santa! Can you believe it! That rat Dusty dumped me
for Rose! ROSE! Well, she got what she deserved, I'm telling you! Dusty was
all hot and lathered for me until she came along. She spent the night before
her wedding with him! I know she's gone to a better place now, but don't expect
me to be sad, Santa. If that means crossing me off your so-called 'nice' list,
then so be it. I guess I shouldn't blame her, because Dusty is such a pig, he
chased her all over town and didn't care that he was hurting me. He should pay
for his dirty dealings, Santa, you hear me? If you can't do it, then I guess
I'll just have to take care of him myself! Never mind the presents, fat man.
I'll make sure that Dusty gets what he deserves myself! Thanks anyway, Molly
Hello, Santa, Well, I guess I
just can't ask for a single thing this year. I married my sweetheart, and
we're going to be happy forever. Of course, there is the matter of my
daughter doing six months in prison for killing my rapist, but still, I have
Ben, and we're just perfect together! He's kind, loyal, friendly,
courteous, sincere, loyal, and a good scout. I just know the two of us
will have lots of wonderful times together. Of course, his foster son
Curtis has returned and seems to be having some problems, but Ben and I are just
perfectly perfect with each other. We're in love to stay. Of course,
there is that little Sara, who is now an orphan after my daughter killed Sara's
rapist father. But oh my, Ben and I have our whole lives together.
Happily ever after, that's us. Nothing is ever going to go wrong again!
Just sign me Mrs. Dr. Benjamin Harris!
Hi Santa, It's
been a terrible year for me, Santa. I lost my sweet Simon. We were so happy
until he deserted me and he didn't mean it, Santa, honest! He was trying to
protect me by leaving me. I tried to find him, but he was blown up, and I would
have been too if Mike Kasnoff hadn't saved my life. But I was so angry at Mike
that he couldn't save my sweet Simon too. It didn't help when Mike told me he
had feelings for me. Next I got really sick, and I was on a ton of medication.
In fact, it was the medication that kept me from realizing that I'd flattened
Mike with my sister the cop's car! So this year was pretty much my husband in
smithereens, then me almost committing vehicular homicide. I'm over my anger
for Mike now, and I even nursed him back to health, and my sister swept the
whole accident under the rug. And while I was helping Mike heal, I realized
that he is one hot man! Wow! Who knew! So anyway, Santa, my broken heart is
starting to mend, and I need someone to help finish the process, and I think
Mike is the one to do it. But I want to go slowly and carefully, and nurture
our love so it can grow and mature. Could you help me with that? Oh, and
Snickers needs a big supply of carrots. Those two things, Santa, please?
Thanks and hugs, Katie
Dear Santa,
I am writing to you with the hope that you can help me with this. It took
me a long time, and a lot of false starts to finally locate a man I would marry.
He is a rascal, and certainly not to be trusted; however, I still love him.
But every time I let him out of my sight, he's in trouble up to his eyeballs.
I swear if I catch him in one more lie I will rip his heart out of his chest and
eat it, and with his dying breath he will offer some flimsy excuse but I will
walk right past him without looking back. He DID find us a child to adopt,
and while I'm a bit suspicious about this whole deal, little Cabot is a love, so
at the moment I'm satisfied with Craig. But Santa, I had this idea for a
Clap-On, Clap-Off Locator Implant device. It would be painlessly injected
into Craig's backside without his knowledge, then whenever I wanted to know
where he was and what he was up to, I would merely clap my hands and his
location would be displayed on my computer screen. I would always know
what shady dealings he was getting into, and he would be completely flummoxed
and in awe that I was anticipating his every move. Yes, Santa, I love him
with all my heart, but it doesn't pay to let Craig Montgomery get even a half
step ahead of me. A good idea, no? Rosanna
Oh Santa! <sniff> Santa, that little witch stole my
boyfriend! <gasp-sob-sniff> Allison was supposed to be my friend, Santa! She
finally had a boyfriend of her own, and Aaron and I were going to be together
forever! <moan-sniff-pout> I can't believe it, but my daddy was right about
him! Aaron and Allison s-s-s-slept togeh-eh-eh-ther-er-er-er, and then they got
maaaaarrieeeeed! <waaaaaah!!> Saaaanta, what am I going to do?
<wail-wail-sob-gasp-sniff> This is going to be the worst Christmas ever, Santa.
I think I'll just sit here and cry through the entire holiday season.
<sniff-gasp-choke> Oh well, Lucy
Okay, kiddo,
What's going on here? Why have Lucinda, Lisa, and I been pushed to the
background of other people's stories? We are still sexy and sassy, and
able to do so much more than just pat someone else's hand and give them
meaningless words of vague encouragement. Lucinda still runs her company,
you know, and she's still able to stir up some international wheelings and
dealings, merge a company or two, romance John Dixon or even Henry Dawson; oh,
Lucinda and Henry, talk about a powerful woman and her boytoy! The things
Lucinda could do to Henry; she'd have him gasping like a fish out of water!
And poor Lisa, what did she ever do to you, Santa, that she would end up
disappearing into the Mona Lisa and never be seen again except for a holiday
here and there? Lisa still has enough vinegar in her to bedevil a few
people. Maybe she could take that new Dr. Daniels under her wing and play
matchmaker for him. Lisa has been around the block enough times that she
knows what men look for in a woman. I'm sure she could have a great time
meddling in Walker's love life. And me, Santa? Well, I had that
terrible heart ailment a few years ago, and my dear Bob spent the summer in a
coma, but seriously, we're not loveless just because we qualify for AARP.
There IS still a bedroom in our house, you know. A little cudding, a
little nuzzling, a little romance; Santa, could you bring us some passionfruit?
Bob and I need some fun and frolic in our lives! Come on, kiddo, we're
sexy senior citizens, don't sell us short! Love to you and Mrs. Claus, Kim
Hi Santa,
Santa! 
Hello, Santa, Well, I guess I
just can't ask for a single thing this year. I married my sweetheart, and
we're going to be happy forever. Of course, there is the matter of my
daughter doing six months in prison for killing my rapist, but still, I have
Ben, and we're just perfect together! He's kind, loyal, friendly,
courteous, sincere, loyal, and a good scout. I just know the two of us
will have lots of wonderful times together. Of course, his foster son
Curtis has returned and seems to be having some problems, but Ben and I are just
perfectly perfect with each other. We're in love to stay. Of course,
there is that little Sara, who is now an orphan after my daughter killed Sara's
rapist father. But oh my, Ben and I have our whole lives together.
Happily ever after, that's us. Nothing is ever going to go wrong again!
Hi Santa, It's
been a terrible year for me, Santa. I lost my sweet Simon. We were so happy
until he deserted me and he didn't mean it, Santa, honest! He was trying to
protect me by leaving me. I tried to find him, but he was blown up, and I would
have been too if Mike Kasnoff hadn't saved my life. But I was so angry at Mike
that he couldn't save my sweet Simon too. It didn't help when Mike told me he
had feelings for me. Next I got really sick, and I was on a ton of medication.
In fact, it was the medication that kept me from realizing that I'd flattened
Mike with my sister the cop's car! So this year was pretty much my husband in
smithereens, then me almost committing vehicular homicide. I'm over my anger
for Mike now, and I even nursed him back to health, and my sister swept the
whole accident under the rug. And while I was helping Mike heal, I realized
that he is one hot man! Wow! Who knew! So anyway, Santa, my broken heart is
starting to mend, and I need someone to help finish the process, and I think
Mike is the one to do it. But I want to go slowly and carefully, and nurture
our love so it can grow and mature. Could you help me with that? Oh, and
Snickers needs a big supply of carrots. Those two things, Santa, please?
Dear Santa,
I am writing to you with the hope that you can help me with this. It took
me a long time, and a lot of false starts to finally locate a man I would marry.
He is a rascal, and certainly not to be trusted; however, I still love him.
But every time I let him out of my sight, he's in trouble up to his eyeballs.
I swear if I catch him in one more lie I will rip his heart out of his chest and
eat it, and with his dying breath he will offer some flimsy excuse but I will
walk right past him without looking back. He DID find us a child to adopt,
and while I'm a bit suspicious about this whole deal, little Cabot is a love, so
at the moment I'm satisfied with Craig. But Santa, I had this idea for a
Clap-On, Clap-Off Locator Implant device. It would be painlessly injected
into Craig's backside without his knowledge, then whenever I wanted to know
where he was and what he was up to, I would merely clap my hands and his
location would be displayed on my computer screen. I would always know
what shady dealings he was getting into, and he would be completely flummoxed
and in awe that I was anticipating his every move. Yes, Santa, I love him
with all my heart, but it doesn't pay to let Craig Montgomery get even a half
step ahead of me. A good idea, no? 
Oh Santa! 
Okay, kiddo,
